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OT- had to put my dog to sleep

Old 10-11-2014, 04:53 AM
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OT- had to put my dog to sleep

The dog I has since before I met xAH was a mutt. I got him as a puppy- I never had had a dog growing up and he was my first real pet.

He was the funniest, sweetest, goofiest most living dog ever. I knew he was going to have to leave me one day but I got home yesterday w the girls and he greeted us fine and three hours later I found him collapsed and seizing in my yard.

I had to take the girls with me with him to the emerg all night vet and was sobbing. I knew what the outcome would be and saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing. I'm still laying here bawling. Heartbroken.

I met xAH when my dog was a puppy and xAH loved the dog almost as much as me. I guess because he couldn't talk back to him or demand anything from him? In any event I made the decision to let him know and let him come say goodbye too before they put him down bc it seemed like the right thing to do.

I'm having such a hard time with his death. And I'm having an even harder tjme with the fact that EVERY funny story or memory that involved my dog for many many years also included xAH.

I feel like grieving my dog dying reminds me of all the sadness I thought I was long since over about the early years with xAH when things were decent.

My dog was a part of every major event in my life for almost 17 years and I'm just being flooded with memories of xAH and I and the times we had with him as a puppy.

I don't have any lingering sad feelings about xAH per se-- just sadness that someone who was part of my life for so long is so lost now and won't ever be the same and that my loyal amazing dog who I loved more than I love many people I know , is now gone and with him, the reminder of the times that xAH and I shared that didn't suck

I'm just rambling now I'm sure. I just am shocked by how devastated I am by the loss of my pet. I've never had to deal with this before and I'm surprised to find myself sad about remembering the good times xAH and I shared with my dog.

Thanks for listening and anyone wanting to send hugs my way I'll take all I can get today
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Old 10-11-2014, 05:28 AM
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Wanttobehealthy,

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog. I had to put my 21 year old cat down last year, so I understand what a painful decision that is. My cat was also a reminder of the years spent with AH. I realized that she was there when our relationship began and ended. Many hugs to you; I hope that you can spend part of the day enjoying the good memories that you have with your faithful pet.
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Old 10-11-2014, 05:51 AM
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Sending warm hugs to you today, I know how hard the loss of a much loved pet is. Take care from another dog lover xxxxx
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Old 10-11-2014, 06:20 AM
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(((((((wanttobehealthy))))))) more warm hugs! I wish their life spans were longer or that it didn't hurt so much to lose them...
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Old 10-11-2014, 07:02 AM
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Oh honey I am so sorry, I actually found SR a couple of days after we had to put my beloved girl down after a three plus year battle with cancer. She was my longest roommate and my most steadfast friend. Thinking of you and your girls today. Many hugs.
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Old 10-11-2014, 07:12 AM
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I am so very sorry. It's hard losing a friend. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I don't think it's unusual that you're thinking about good times with your ex and your puppy. Been there. It's okay to remember them and feel sad.

Sending much love and healing thoughts your way. xoxoxox
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Old 10-11-2014, 08:12 AM
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Oh god, I am so so sorry, losing a pet hurts like hell... We had to put a dog to sleep once, she was extremely sick and we had exhausted every over option. I have literally not cried harder ever in my life before.

Allow yourself to grieve, cause you lost a friend.

I suggest you get a new puppy if your situation allows, because that's the only thing that soothes the wounds. I am not saying it would be a replacement, but it would bring you some joy and let you look back at the memories of your old dog as bitter-sweet ones, rather than gut-wrenchingly painful...

Many many hugs to you.
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Old 10-11-2014, 08:15 AM
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I am sorry.
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Old 10-11-2014, 08:30 AM
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I understand completely and I'm so sorry for your loss.

A few years ago, before the alcoholism really took hold, my xAH and I had 2 cats and 2 dogs. We felt like the six of us were a team and we were even planning to emigrate with them. I had the cats from before we were together; the dogs arrived afterwards.

Within a 2 year span, one dog died, ex and I separated, then one of the cats and the other dog died. There is one of the cats left and I know when she goes, I'm going to lose the last link to the time when the six of us were together and happy.

There are other pets (cats that moved in around the time we split and after) and I lost a cat earlier this year. He found his way to my house after his owner died. He was still very young and a symbol of my new life. Two months on, I am still having a hard time with the loss.

The unconditional love is hard to lose.

I have found this site useful Lightning Strike Pet Loss Support | Death of Pet, Sick Pet, Pet Loss Grief, Pet Loss Forum Message Board, Pet Loss Chat
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:02 AM
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WTBH, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm a dog lover also, and the pain of losing our warm furry friends is enough to make us wonder how we'll even manage to go on sometimes.

I remember when my Simon died unexpectedly--I didn't eat for days, I thought I saw him out of the corner of my eye so many times, and I woke up at night wanting to go out and just lie on his grave b/c I missed him so much (this was January in Wisconsin). I remember thinking, in so many words, "how can the world keep on turning when my Simon Dog is dead?" It was just brutal, and I think I do understand your shock at the depth of the devastation you feel about your dog's death. I expected to hurt, and I expected to hurt a LOT. What I felt was everything I expected but to the 100th power...I was stunned and immobilized by grief.

I send my deepest sympathy. ((((((((Hugs)))))))) to you, WTBH.
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Old 10-11-2014, 09:32 AM
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What devastating news. I'm so sorry for your family. Karma Kitty is my constant companion. I never wanted a pet, but now imagining life without him is impossible. He's become so much a part of our lives.

Sending prayers and thoughts to you all. ((((((( hugs )))))))
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Old 10-11-2014, 10:03 AM
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I'm so very sorry.

The loss of our furry family members can be devastating. It has been devastating to me.

This article helped me understand my grief.

The death of pet can hurt as much as the loss of a relative - The Washington Post

Hugs.
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Old 10-11-2014, 10:29 AM
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So sorry for your loss.
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Old 10-11-2014, 11:22 AM
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That happened to me when I was right about at the stage of divorce/child custody/Alcoholic Decompensation that you are. I wept and wept and a woman I knew from town but wasn't really close to saw me at the vet's office and said "oh honey, it isn't really about the dog, is it?" and I thought "But I LOVED that dog."

The alcoholism and my divorce just really opened me up to all kinds of sadness and loss and made every setback so much harder to deal with.

My cat died this summer and I had a terrible time with that, too.

I'm sorry. Why do all the sweet creatures have to grow old and die while those who cause us misery go right on??

((hugs))
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Old 10-11-2014, 11:37 AM
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Oh, wanttobehealthy, so sorry for your loss of your dog. They are such a big part of our families it hurts so much when we loose them. Thinking of you.x
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Old 10-11-2014, 11:46 AM
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Agree stella, I find myself so vulnerable.
I have a 12 year old dog that some day will leave me and I don't know how I will Survive with out her.. dread that day..

Thoughts and prayers for your loss. Once again, we have all been there.
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Old 10-11-2014, 01:28 PM
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I am so, so sorry, wantobehealthy. There is nothing worse.

I remember when I lost the dog that AH had brought home on Christmas, 1995. The kids were pre-teen/teen. We loved that dog.

When he died in 2008, it was absolutely devastating, and I realized one thing, outside of the pure grief of losing a family member. Dogs have a life span of 12-15 years or so, and, just as you said, it felt like his passing was also the passing of a period of my life--my life with my teen-aged kids, who by that time were adults. We had to call them to tell them the news. And so I was not only grieving the life of my beloved dog, but grieving the passing of all those wonderful years. The dog was there throughout it all--the holidays, the good times, the bad times--always waiting at the door when you came from work, from school, from bringing your AH to rehab, to bringing your AH back from rehab, from all of those moments of life. And all those moments were gone with him. I don't think I've experienced that kind of pain in many years.

I am totally with you in your pain. (((((((Hugs)))))))))
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Old 10-11-2014, 03:10 PM
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Thank you all so much. A good friend of mine today told me I was grieving the loss of everything he represented and she is completely right it's about so much more than just the dog though I loved him as much as I love my children.

I feel like only people here and others in similar situations as us all understand how hard this is.

XAH has been dead in a way for many years- he is no longer anything like the man I loved and fell in love with. The one tangible reminder of when things had once been good with him was my best buddy dog (whose name I am purposefully not using just because of anonymity). And now that link is gone and I feel like all the good memories that were with him will leave too.

I have been crying all day and I'm just so heartbroken...it's too quiet here- I miss hearing him on the floors, I miss his bark to greet us when we get home, it's painful.
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Old 10-11-2014, 03:29 PM
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So, so sorry to hear this. It's just like losing a family member and I think you need to have experienced the death of a deeply loved pet to understand how devastating it is.

My heart goes out to you.

(((HUGS)))
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Old 10-11-2014, 03:52 PM
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(((WTBH))) - I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've been through it more times than I would like.

When I got clean, was living at dad's, I took over the 3 cats. Elvis was my snuggle buddy. I took care of him when he got sick and had no $$ for a vet bill. Finally got the $$ only to find out he had FIV/leukemia. Fatal. Oh, and I had saved his life when he first got sick.

Long story short, Elvis kept me from going back out one night. For that, I will always be grateful. When I finally had to send him to Rainbow Bridge, I grieved not only for him, but for all my losses. Yes, many were my own fault, but I grieved. Several months later, I had to send my dear Patches to join Elvis. I grieved again, for everything.

Today I have my Mots, as well as the two cats I inherited from working with Mr. D and his death, and renting his place. We have lost his dog and his horse. I tried, so damned hard, to save the horse. I couldn't and when the vet came to send him to Rainbow Bridge, I was laying on the horse, bawling like a baby.

Sorry to go on and on, but I now have 3 cats, two are quite old (Mr. D's cats). When the time comes that I have to say goodbye, I will grieve not only the loss of them, but all my losses. IMO, it's a part of life. It's hard, it seems unbearable, but we do the best we can. We grieve, we slowly learn to move on.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. I guarantee, however, your furbabies will meet all the other SR furbabies on Rainbow Bridge, and they are forever looking after us.

Love, hugs and prayers,

Amy
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