Thumper

Curious.

Poll coming - wait for it....

Thumper

I did not ask and did not receive.

In my case I was working and he was not at the time of the divorce. He had been working part time previous to that.

In the divorce I was awarded custody of the children and I don't make all that much money so the chances of him getting support from me were not good. He threatened to try but in the end he did not.

wanttobehealthy

I did not ask initially-- we had an "agreement" (this was my former lawyers genius idea). It is not enforceable so he has not paid for well over a year.
There is 1 judge in my town, down from 4 and a request made in March for a hearing on a myriad of issues was scheduled for Feb. By the time we have the hearing it will be nearly 2 years since he paid a cent.
The judge does not see that child support is an issue to rule on immediately and force xAH to pay...

Fandy

I rec'd child support directly through wage garnishment from day one.
Judge ordered him to pay all my legal fees too and he was ordered to pay child support until our child was emancipated not just until age 18.
it looked nice on paper, he lost his job in 2001, died in 2009. No will, but our child was sole heir to all of his assets including ocean front owned property and house. along with a big mess of IRS tax liens.
His health insurance was primary for our child, my insurance and dental was secondary. She was covered 100% which was very helpful, especially for orthodonta.

FireSprite

We did not divorce but if we had, I would have possibly had to pay him support according to the attorneys I spoke to about it briefly to get an idea of what I might be facing.

At the time, his escalating drinking had prevented him from maintaining a job or supporting himself, never mind me & DD.

hopeful4

Whoops...I messed it up! I did not ask and did not receive any b/c we make approx. the same amt of money. I do however receive child support which is initially what I thought this meant.

suki44883

My situation was a little different. I was three months pregnant when I filed for divorce. He was ordered to pay me spousal support to be put in an account for me to use while I was off work. After I returned to work the spousal support stopped and the child support went into effect. He was also required to pay my attorney's fees and court costs.

wanttobehealthy

Oops I thought it was about child support too... Lol to the notion of spousal support! That's a definite no.

I would like simply for him to help support his kids.

Thumper

Same situation. I would have fought tooth and nail not to pay him any kind of support. I'd have spent more on lawyers than he could ever dream of getting in support before I'd have agreed to a dime. I already paid half his school loan. Ticks me off just thinking about it. :P

The kids were awarded child support that is in arrears and he pays sporadically.

FireSprite

I agree Thumper, the idea of it, the GALL of it was infuriating to me.

A good friend of mine is FIVE YEARS into her divorce proceedings with her XAH & he has done everything he can to drag out the process insisting on higher & higher amounts of support & constantly rejecting her offers to split the assets/liabilities. Their attorneys are getting rich off this case & she is now to the point of feeling like she has no choice but to let everything go into foreclosure/bankruptcy (his attorneys have already liened their joint properties for his unpaid fees).

He believes, in his alcohol-pot-pill-soaked perspective that she has tons of money stashed away somewhere & that if he holds out long enough, he'll find it. It's been a real lesson watching her go through all of this.

maia1234

So I asked, he balked, continually. Finally got fed up with him crying and figured it would never end if I didn't walk. He can take all his money and smoke and drink it. He is already totally confused about the finances.

I did get half of the house and the little bit of assets that we had. I will struggle as he currently makes 1 1/2 times what I make. But what goes around comes around. A new owner is taking over the biz he works at, and I don't think that guy will put up with his crap. I don't think he will still have a job. Oh well

fedup3

I ended up paying him, ugh.

Butterfly

I don't understand spousal support if both people are working and one person has the kids living with them why should they pay spousal support to the ex who has no children living with them.

In the UK I don't think spousal support is awarded just maintenance for the kids, but I could be wrong!!

theuncertainty

By the time I left, my job was the only stable one in the family with benefits and retirement, and had been for a while. I would have ended up paying him spousal support if he had asked for it. He didn't ask.

theuncertainty

I'm not a lawyer, so this is all just my understanding of the issue and it probably depends on the area. Here, spousal support would be to distribute the economic effects of a divorce between both parties. i.e. if they were used to a certain lifestyle, where one spouse earned all or most of the income, the higher income spouse would pay support to the other in order to help them maintain closer to that lifestyle. The courts would weigh multiple factors: incomes and earning capabilities, financial needs, length of marriage, the ages and health of both, etc.

jarp

Spousal support doesn't even exist in Australia....only under a very small set of circumstances, and usually only for a time period.

Examples might include if one spouse had a disability and had been totally dependant on the other spouse. Even then the Courts here are more likely to approach this by giving the dependant spouse a bigger share of the assets at settlement. And if they give spousal support it would be for say a year, whilst the person gets other things in place to support themselves.

Spousal support is awarded in less than 1% of cases that get to Court!

DMC

I paid him. It was mediated, but it could have been a lot worse, considering.

And the VERY LAST check went out today. It's been 4 years of court-ordered, plus attorney fees (and I was chipping in to help his parents support him even before the divorce was final. Yeah, I felt guilty. Amazing. He drug me to hell and back, and I still felt guilty about leaving.)


I'm officially, completely free of him.
And my lawyer was right, it does feel good. I wish him the best, but I'm not paying for it any longer.

lillamy

Different rules in different states. There was a member here who was court-ordered to pay alimony to her AXH for life because they had been married over ten years. Note to self: Never get married or divorced in California.

For me, getting divorced was the important point. I was willing to give up pretty much everything except the kids to get that. And that's about what I ended up doing. He even stole one of my gold rings -- a ring I bought myself the year he decided to not only ignore my birthday but refuse to speak to me the entire day.

maia1234

Illinois next year will be for life also.. an attorney told me that if I held off till next year I would be entitled for the rest of my life getting matenance . We were married 26 years..

suki44883

The only thing about that is...it keeps you tied to them for life. Even if you have children with him, that financial obligation ends when they reach the age of majority. I would never want to be tied for life to the narcissistic ahole I was married to.