cookiesncream

You've been given lots of great advice already. I just thought that I'd add to it coming from "the other side." 100% agree with all of it. I know you're overwhelmed right now but I think "I told him he can't drink around us anymore" gives him an out. There was a period of time when I was drinking that hubbie expressed concern about it so what did I do? Well I just learned to hide it a lot better. I think there is a possibility that given your constraints he may just likely do that and drink elsewhere but not stop drinking. IMHO your line in the sand needs to be more clear. Not only can't he drink around you but... insert what that is here.

While I was in an outpatient program they had friends and family nights and I saw MANY chronic relapsers with family that while well meaning had rather "fluid" boundaries. As far as long term recovery and forcing the addict to deal with the consequences of their actions even from my side, didn't see it happening that way. This is not to say this is your responsibility but at this point in many months of reading these forums and doing my own recovery work IMHO for your own sanity, and for the good of your daughter, I think clear concise boundaries and then the follow through if they are broken, is the best thing you can do however difficult.

I'd been drinking secretly (or so I thought) for a good long time until I got caught red handed one time. Hubbie laid it all out on the line, choose A or B, but not both. There was going to be no more secret drinking, etc, etc. Booze consumptiont=being kicked out of the house and losing it all and I have full faith that he would have followed through. That very clear line was enough for me and that was the last drink I took.

Like others have said I do think that your daughter does deserve to know what may occur and why. You don't have to be mean, don't badmouth your hubbie, but explain it clear terms and why. I think kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. It sure has been an eye opener for me in my sobriety to realize my eight year old sure was picking up on a lot of stuff that I didn't realize (that also keeps me sober btw).

Peace,

Cookies

heartbrokenK

I have 3 boys- 12, 10, and 19 months. My 12 and 10 year old know of their dad's alcoholism. I have spoken to them. They also know that I set a boundary that I would not tolerate unexceptable behavior in the home. Husband exhibited unacceptable behavior hence I followed through with my boundary. AH is not living with us. Is it painful? Yes but no more painful than living with active using. Chances are your daughter knows something is up. My boys did long before I talked to them. Do I feel liberated with setting and following through with my boundary? Yes. I feel as though I am now free to focus on me! For me I have tried unsuccessfully the last 11 yrs to detach from husbands using. That wasn't working for me. I went to alanon yesterday and pretty much had a breakdown but the words of another member stuck with me-"you are not alone. You are going to be fine and your husband is going to be fine. He is now free to stand on his own two feet and be accountable for his actions. This too shall pass"

Christopher1

Hopeful4 just explained what a boundary is,for those who get confused about it(including me)-something you just don't allow someone to walk all over(step on me ,why don't you)!