KCrazy

Mad at myself, got caught up... My daughters bday is tomorrow, so yesterday I reached out to my XABF to ask about a gift he had long ago promised her... it began. He wanted to get involved, help, give me money, get her a gift... got caught up, entertained the idea, texted, talked, guess I wanted to feel connected again in the spirit of the occasion, but then realized, at the end of the day, I was stressed, mad, sad, and lonely... all feelings that wouldn't have been so present if I had just stuck w me, myself, and I... So mad for "falling" into him and the drama that always surrounds... But at least, I caught myself getting caught up, quickly put an end to it, texting him, saying I shouldn't have reached out, gotten wrapped up, or even entertained the idea of accepting money and/or gifts, that it wasn't ok, my daughter deserves more... That no contact is best... Tough to b strong

lillamy

It is tough. It's hard to give up hope, and easy to jump on the merry-go-round of addiction again.

But you caught yourself. Give yourself some big props for that.

You know what? I didn't do that. I wasn't able to catch myself. I still can fall into that when I am forced to be in contact with AXH. I have surrounded myself with people who can stare me down and tell me I'm being a flaming codie again when I am. In the beginning, I had a cadre of friends that I could call every time I had dealt with AXH and say "did I handle it right?" I was so entrenched that I didn't trust myself. I couldn't trust myself.

You are doing so well, catching yourself in the act of sliding back into the old way of being. You should be so, so, so proud of yourself for that. (((hugs)))