Please Help!
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Please Help!
Please Help!
My beautiful 18 yr. old daughter just walked out of alcohol rehab. She is still in High School, and is throwing her life down the toilet. I already know I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, yet I still feel like a failure as a parent. I would not let her come back home, so now she is living with her boyfriend. I'm not sure if I'm ready to have a child who is a HS dropout, yet again I know I don't have control. I feel so angry, confused, sad, and betrayed. She has been lying to us for years, keeps promosing things she doesn't deliver on. She says she still wants to drink. She thinks its a matter of will power. I am going to go to an Al Anon meeting tomorrow, my first one. I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing. Should I let her live at home until she finishes school?, then kick her out if she continues to abuse? Also she has to pay $1500. in bail money in two weeks because she didn't pay a fine for littering. She doesn't have a job, and hasn't been to court to get an extension. I'm not going to pay it for her, so she will probably end up in jail. I am afraid for her life. I can't stop crying, I feel so incredibly sad for all of us. I know she has a long struggle ahead of her, and I'm not sure she will be able to make it. Please help me!
My beautiful 18 yr. old daughter just walked out of alcohol rehab. She is still in High School, and is throwing her life down the toilet. I already know I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it, yet I still feel like a failure as a parent. I would not let her come back home, so now she is living with her boyfriend. I'm not sure if I'm ready to have a child who is a HS dropout, yet again I know I don't have control. I feel so angry, confused, sad, and betrayed. She has been lying to us for years, keeps promosing things she doesn't deliver on. She says she still wants to drink. She thinks its a matter of will power. I am going to go to an Al Anon meeting tomorrow, my first one. I'm just not sure if I'm doing the right thing. Should I let her live at home until she finishes school?, then kick her out if she continues to abuse? Also she has to pay $1500. in bail money in two weeks because she didn't pay a fine for littering. She doesn't have a job, and hasn't been to court to get an extension. I'm not going to pay it for her, so she will probably end up in jail. I am afraid for her life. I can't stop crying, I feel so incredibly sad for all of us. I know she has a long struggle ahead of her, and I'm not sure she will be able to make it. Please help me!
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Dear DEC1, I read your post and I really have no great wisdom concerning whether or
not to let your daughter live with you, etc.
I have 5 children, all grown and gone from
home, except for one. We all feel like we
have made mistakes and we try to take
responsibility for the mistakes our kids make. We do the best job we can of raising
them and then they are responsibile for their
own decisons. God made us all with a will of
our own regardless of what we are taught.
When you feel like a failure as a mother,
remember this: Look what Adam and Eve did
and who their Father was. We are all in good
company. Hope this helps a little.
Blessings to you and your family.
Dorrie
not to let your daughter live with you, etc.
I have 5 children, all grown and gone from
home, except for one. We all feel like we
have made mistakes and we try to take
responsibility for the mistakes our kids make. We do the best job we can of raising
them and then they are responsibile for their
own decisons. God made us all with a will of
our own regardless of what we are taught.
When you feel like a failure as a mother,
remember this: Look what Adam and Eve did
and who their Father was. We are all in good
company. Hope this helps a little.
Blessings to you and your family.
Dorrie
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Hello and welcome!
Go to your meeting and keep going back. Keep coming here in between.
When my son was 18 I was where you are now...and sorry to say....he is now 27 and homeless. I didn't say this to shock you or add to your worry. His crisis got ME into a program and I don't believe I could have withstood all that has happened all these years without it. I have knowledge and guidance from all of those that have gone before me.
I always hang on to the hope that he will hit his bottom and find his way back. I enjoy open AA speaker meetings. The speaker talks about what is WAS like, what HAPPENED, and what it is like now and it gives me hope and insight.
Go to the NA board, there is a post called addictive personality by Pernell Johnson....it is very eye opening. I brought it to the top for you and Morning Glory.
About her going to jail...I have been living in fear of that for what seems like forever...I have gotten myself REALLY worked up and upset....and then the charges are dropped or something...it's amazing. My son just had a bunch of charges dropped and he was ordered by the court into rehab. He walked out of rehab...and he is still out there. I don't understand it all.
Anyway, it sounds to me like you are heading in the right direction. Get to your meeting and try your hardest not to pick her pieces up for her and take it easy on yourself. We aren't perfect....all we can do is our best.
(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
Paula
Go to your meeting and keep going back. Keep coming here in between.
When my son was 18 I was where you are now...and sorry to say....he is now 27 and homeless. I didn't say this to shock you or add to your worry. His crisis got ME into a program and I don't believe I could have withstood all that has happened all these years without it. I have knowledge and guidance from all of those that have gone before me.
I always hang on to the hope that he will hit his bottom and find his way back. I enjoy open AA speaker meetings. The speaker talks about what is WAS like, what HAPPENED, and what it is like now and it gives me hope and insight.
Go to the NA board, there is a post called addictive personality by Pernell Johnson....it is very eye opening. I brought it to the top for you and Morning Glory.
About her going to jail...I have been living in fear of that for what seems like forever...I have gotten myself REALLY worked up and upset....and then the charges are dropped or something...it's amazing. My son just had a bunch of charges dropped and he was ordered by the court into rehab. He walked out of rehab...and he is still out there. I don't understand it all.
Anyway, it sounds to me like you are heading in the right direction. Get to your meeting and try your hardest not to pick her pieces up for her and take it easy on yourself. We aren't perfect....all we can do is our best.
(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))
Paula
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The girl's father, my husband, is right here by my side. He is very supportive, but he too is feeling angry and sad. We also have an 8 yr. old son, and we have been trying to make his life as normal as possible with all that is going on for our daughter.
I had already gone to the NA site and read about addictive personalities. I guess I'm in Act I. I keep praying that maybe just that short stint in rehab. will wake her up. But I know the odds are against it. She was supposed to call me yesterday, but of course didn't. I expect her to call or show up today or tomorrow, because the weekend will be over. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to let go of all the hopes and dreams we had for her...... I know, I know, they have to be her hopes and dreams to come true, not ours. But still, what parent doesn't want the best for their child? It's ironic, she's the one with the problem, and I'm the one getting into a program. I just want to be sure I'm doing the best for her.
I had already gone to the NA site and read about addictive personalities. I guess I'm in Act I. I keep praying that maybe just that short stint in rehab. will wake her up. But I know the odds are against it. She was supposed to call me yesterday, but of course didn't. I expect her to call or show up today or tomorrow, because the weekend will be over. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to let go of all the hopes and dreams we had for her...... I know, I know, they have to be her hopes and dreams to come true, not ours. But still, what parent doesn't want the best for their child? It's ironic, she's the one with the problem, and I'm the one getting into a program. I just want to be sure I'm doing the best for her.
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Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: San Jacinto, California
Posts: 71
Okay, Darlin',
I am an alchoholic not an addict. We have two distinct personalities. An addict is 100 times more aggressive than an alcoholic. Where an addict would confont an alcoholic would run. This is where there are many conflicts in an AA meeting where an NA will share and visa versa. Thats why there is AA and NA. We just think differently. Your daughter needs to change her thinking and it isn't easy. Alcoholism is an obsession of the mind and an allergy to the body.
Please get into Alanon. Let these people love you and your husband and support you. This is a family disease. Alanon has ALL the answers. I am both AA and Alanon. I have had to let go of two sons and they are recovering without my help, my nurturing and my protection. I just had to turn them over to my Higher Power, of my understanding. He has done a better job than I ever could imagine.
Love you both and will remember you in my prayers. Don't forget that younger boy in the midst of all your hurt.
My love, Pickle
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[This message has been edited by Pickle (edited March 26, 2002).]
I am an alchoholic not an addict. We have two distinct personalities. An addict is 100 times more aggressive than an alcoholic. Where an addict would confont an alcoholic would run. This is where there are many conflicts in an AA meeting where an NA will share and visa versa. Thats why there is AA and NA. We just think differently. Your daughter needs to change her thinking and it isn't easy. Alcoholism is an obsession of the mind and an allergy to the body.
Please get into Alanon. Let these people love you and your husband and support you. This is a family disease. Alanon has ALL the answers. I am both AA and Alanon. I have had to let go of two sons and they are recovering without my help, my nurturing and my protection. I just had to turn them over to my Higher Power, of my understanding. He has done a better job than I ever could imagine.
Love you both and will remember you in my prayers. Don't forget that younger boy in the midst of all your hurt.
My love, Pickle
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[This message has been edited by Pickle (edited March 26, 2002).]
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