amy55

How many people here have dealt with a real personality disorder or something that you can't attribute to alcohol anymore because it is just so weird, that you can't even describe the situation, where your head is just spinning like in the exorcist, where he or she is the loves you then hates you in the next breath? Drunk or not? Meaning whether they are drunk or not, but not really meaning that.

Bullfrog

Yo. (Sticks hand up.)

Truly believe my XAH is borderline.

Also had a borderline friend in college.

It's just bizarre.

amy55

Actually was just trying to change title of post to refer to BPD. The love you the hate you, the push you away, to smothering you, till you can't take it anymore. The hatred in their eyes when they paint you black. The coldness, the arrogance, hey I could go on and on, but I won't.

Sometimes I think we need to look at other things then alcoholism. Its easy to blame alcohol. Well h3lls b3lls, I am also an alcoholic and I never behaved this way.

Bullfrog

I highly agree.

I have had many moments where I thought, "there is something reeeeeeeeeally wrong here" when it came to his behavior.

I love Al-Anon and I love SR, but I definitely adopt the "Take What You Like and Leave The Rest" suggestion. When you are dealing with straight up abuse and possibly mental illness, you just get to the point where detachment doesn't work anymore. It's time to flee.

amy55

Bullfrog, how long were you married. I was for 27 years. I always I think wanted to believe there was something wrong with me, because I could fix that. Then he started to disappear. Would come back and say we didn't fight in 6 weeks, why are you still mad?

I don't know, perhaps because we were married, and someone just doesn't disappear then show up and expect to have sex to celebrate that he came back.

PurpleWilder

My XAH was diagnosed with Bipolar Depression II many years ago but does nothing about it. Paired with narcissim he is quite the man

On top of the selfishness and constant need to have everything revolve around his whims, there is no dealing with him between November and February. The change in the weather means a totally self absorbed depressed jerk all winter. So glad were not married anymore.

amy55

Oh the SAD, seasonal affective disorder.

I really do feel bad about this, but there isn't anything anyone can do, if they won't do it for themselves. I'm sorry for you, but I think you see this clearly now, and not blaming yourself.

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))

amy

Stung

My mom is NPD not BPD and she's not an addict unless you count codependency too.

LeeJane

My mum was like you describe, Amy. In my experience, quite often there is an underlying mental disorder under the alcoholism. Take the 'self medicating' with alcohol away and you are left with the straight mental disorder but without the stress relief tool of drinking. So the disorder becomes far worse for them and the people around them.

She refused to accept medical help.

NWGRITS

My AM is NPD. Her two attempts at sobriety, I wanted nothing more than to give her a drink. She's even worse sober.

amy55

Sometimes, actually a lot of the times I think I am disrespecting this forum. I had to have contact with my ex and I went on another binge. I can't deal with him. Perhaps I was trying to self medicate, perhaps I just want peace. (die)

Not drinking now, since 9/17, still questioning. OK, will try to end this on a good note, I am responsible for 4 terrific cats, and I just talked to my son tonight.

TerpGal

My SIL is BPD. She had polysubstance issues, multiple suicide attempts, put us all through the wringer. I have been NC with her since the day after RAH left for rehab. I had been one she idolized and the second she saw my weakness, thinking about giving up on my marriage oh the horrible awful things she said to and about me. The whole "angel and devil" thing. I'm done with her drama, her phone and FB are blocked. Supposedly she told RAH the last time he saw her (last week) that she felt terrible about what she did but couldn't get in touch with me. That made me insanely mad because 1)she knows where I live and 2) the US Postal Service is still running last time I checked. I asked RAH to please just not tell me any more if she or his mother mention anything about me to him.

suncatcher

I sometimes feel like a fish that has been caught only to be thrown back in the water with AXBF. I think he has NPD. He has no empathy, shows little to no affection, is in his own world. When I detach he calls and wants to know what I am doing etc. If I call him, he acts cold and indifferent so I have stopped calling. I have stopped expecting anything from him at all. It's hard to tell if it is a personality disorder or just plain alcoholism but I have read a lot of alcoholics have personality disorders. Amy, you are not disrespecting this forum at all. I used to drink more when I was with AXBF in order to cope with him or just to feel like I was a part of his world. It's hard to find a balance when things are so off balance if that makes sense?

jarp

Yes, yes, yes!!!!!!!

I want to answer your other thread but internet is down due to a horrendous storm and I'm on my phone. I'll come back later....but Amy, know you are not alone!!

hopeful4

Raising my hand....my XAH has a personality disorder as do several of his family members. Very stressful. I am very glad I have stepped away from being so intermingled with them, and will watch my children with diligence and if they show any signs get them help IMMEDIATELY.

lillamy

My ex has a personality disorder. Probably two, but one diagnosed, and probably also bipolar. So yeah. I do think his drinking started as self-medicating and escalated from there. He also has alcoholics in his family who self-medicated the same way.

sunday9

suncatcher --- loved your post. I sometimes drink with my almost-xabf because it can help me deal with his behavior and maybe have "fun" for a a couple of hours before he gets too explosive. I think he is NPD - he really doesn't care if I drink or not....if I have fun or good time. I can only drink a couple of times a week as I'm not a heavy drinker and in no way can keep up with him. We are in process of him leaving again ....if he calls or comes by I should be happy and cool. If I call him he says I am upsetting him and "starting it again" again. All I do is argue and bring up the past. Funny thing if I bring up something wonderful in the past he still doesn't wanna here it!!

Amy......you were my rock on here during my last break-up with abf a few months ago. You may not remember but you helped me ...and many others with your spot on insight and wisdom. I have lurked since then but posting again now.