I can't cope anymore
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Can you see your Dr. And go on anti depressants for awhile.
Alcoholics can be miserable in two ways,
Oblivious to others feelings.
Or, miserable within themselves.
Your sounds like the first one.
Anyways we are supposed to keep the focus on ourselves. Do you do anything good for yourself during the day?
Alcoholics can be miserable in two ways,
Oblivious to others feelings.
Or, miserable within themselves.
Your sounds like the first one.
Anyways we are supposed to keep the focus on ourselves. Do you do anything good for yourself during the day?
Originally Posted by Butterfly 
Every time I think I've hit my rock bottom emotionally and I come through it I always seem to fall further within a few days. I have no motivation, no interest in anything and I constantly think about him and what he's doing.
I am stuck in a rut, my life revolves around work, cleaning, washing and making sure I'm here for the kids. I get home from work at 6ish if I'm lucky then it's dinner, lunches and then I'm ready to collapse at 9pm then I'm off to bed. The weekend is cleaning and catching up on all the washing
I feel guilty if im not at home even though the kids are older and do their own thing I feel I need to be here, he's walked out I need to make sure they know I'm still here.
He is on my mind constantly and the hurt he has caused, the lies and manipulation I carry it around and think about it all the time. I have been crying a lot recently and honestly don't feel I can cope anymore with it all, actually I know I can't cope with anymore!!
I am struggling and it angers me that he has walked away from any responsibilities and does what he wants. The thought of him going on a boys holiday having fun really hurts me. I've been told alcoholics are miserable he doesn't seem miserable, holidays, weekends doing what he wants socialising as though he hasn't destroyed mine and the kids world. He certainly, doesn't seem miserable!!!! I know they drown out all feelings and emotions so they don't have to deal with what's going on in life but as far as I know he's still forcing himself to not drink during the week but binges at the weekends!!
Sorry I know this seems like a selfish rant.
I feel as though this will be my life struggling to cope with the hurt he has caused and just functioning trying to get through each day. I can't take anymore I just want it all over😢
I am stuck in a rut, my life revolves around work, cleaning, washing and making sure I'm here for the kids. I get home from work at 6ish if I'm lucky then it's dinner, lunches and then I'm ready to collapse at 9pm then I'm off to bed. The weekend is cleaning and catching up on all the washing
I feel guilty if im not at home even though the kids are older and do their own thing I feel I need to be here, he's walked out I need to make sure they know I'm still here.
He is on my mind constantly and the hurt he has caused, the lies and manipulation I carry it around and think about it all the time. I have been crying a lot recently and honestly don't feel I can cope anymore with it all, actually I know I can't cope with anymore!!
I am struggling and it angers me that he has walked away from any responsibilities and does what he wants. The thought of him going on a boys holiday having fun really hurts me. I've been told alcoholics are miserable he doesn't seem miserable, holidays, weekends doing what he wants socialising as though he hasn't destroyed mine and the kids world. He certainly, doesn't seem miserable!!!! I know they drown out all feelings and emotions so they don't have to deal with what's going on in life but as far as I know he's still forcing himself to not drink during the week but binges at the weekends!!
Sorry I know this seems like a selfish rant.
I feel as though this will be my life struggling to cope with the hurt he has caused and just functioning trying to get through each day. I can't take anymore I just want it all over😢
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
Butterfly, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I thought about xabf constantly too and there were times I missed him so much. But little by little, I thought about him less and less. At least the obsessive thinking went away, I still think of him but it doesn't consume me like it once did. Think of what you are going through as a pendulum swinging back and forth. Some days will be good and then some days will be bad then soon you will have more good days than bad days and then one day you will hardly think of him at all. It's a process. You are doing so well in your recovery and be gentle with yourself on the bad days. Let yourself feel those feelings and know you have lots of support here too. I always came here and posted and found comfort on those bad days. Tight hugs ((((butterfly))). Take time to take a hot bath or read a good book and make sure you are taking some time out for you. 
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
i cant focus the hurt is consuming me and silly me as if I wasnt hurt enough or kicked in the teeth enough times i contacted him, needing to know whether he is in love with me and wants his future with me, stupid eh. its like hey I know you havent been kicked down far enough lets just put you lower than you are now. it certianly worked, i keep hoping hes going to tell me hes made a big mistake and hes not actually going on holiday tomorrow but rehab hes going to sort himself out and come home, yeah my mind has some crazy fanasies!!
WHy do i keep doing this to myself, i know it doesnt matter how he feels and whether he wants his future to be with me because whats important is whats he doing about it and that he doesnt want to be with me now, he wants to drink and doesnt want to do anything about it that the facts, feelings dont matter actions do!!
I walk away and am determined that its what I want then i weaken and go right back to seeking reassurance from him, something that will give me hope that we will be ok, I cant let go I am obsessing!! heres the thing when I look back on our 18 years i see a lot of pain, anger, disappointment, lies, manipulation, never being put before his family and friends, no change happening until he was ready to change and very few happy times so why am i clinging onto to someone who has caused me so much pain, why cant i let go and why do i keep going back when I know im just going to get kicked in the teeth again? Do I think so little of myself that I believe i dont deserve better.
i have so much going on in my head so many felings and emotions i just dont know how to porcess it all or deal with it all and the fact thats hes out there having a ball hurts more, it feels as though our marriage meant nothing to him and it probably didnt.
sorry folks but thank you all for your replies and support.
WHy do i keep doing this to myself, i know it doesnt matter how he feels and whether he wants his future to be with me because whats important is whats he doing about it and that he doesnt want to be with me now, he wants to drink and doesnt want to do anything about it that the facts, feelings dont matter actions do!!
I walk away and am determined that its what I want then i weaken and go right back to seeking reassurance from him, something that will give me hope that we will be ok, I cant let go I am obsessing!! heres the thing when I look back on our 18 years i see a lot of pain, anger, disappointment, lies, manipulation, never being put before his family and friends, no change happening until he was ready to change and very few happy times so why am i clinging onto to someone who has caused me so much pain, why cant i let go and why do i keep going back when I know im just going to get kicked in the teeth again? Do I think so little of myself that I believe i dont deserve better.
i have so much going on in my head so many felings and emotions i just dont know how to porcess it all or deal with it all and the fact thats hes out there having a ball hurts more, it feels as though our marriage meant nothing to him and it probably didnt.
sorry folks but thank you all for your replies and support.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Chicago, Il
Posts: 123
please know we all feel your pain and walk with you down this temporary stage of HEALING....remember its not a permanent state of misery!!!!!!.
Read the writing "Why alcoholics Hurt People", ...its under the 2012 posts, DEcember 18 2012 post
http://www.privilegedaddictwriter.bl...rt-people.html
Its not a fix by any means, but it gives you pause to realize that you are on a path of healing by removing any more hurt by your A.!!!
Lots of hugs, lots of peace and serenity today!
Read the writing "Why alcoholics Hurt People", ...its under the 2012 posts, DEcember 18 2012 post
http://www.privilegedaddictwriter.bl...rt-people.html
Its not a fix by any means, but it gives you pause to realize that you are on a path of healing by removing any more hurt by your A.!!!
Lots of hugs, lots of peace and serenity today!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,243
Hey Butterfly...you are stuck in the cocoon!
Your brain is not your friend right now... it is a chemical production factory that doesn't have a clue what is best for you and your family. The A loser is a dead weight and sure misery if you give in to what I call the "stupid chemicals" that tell us to stick to our mate despite the fact that they are highly toxic!
Retrain your brain. Do not dwell on him. Cast down the thoughts. Whatever it takes. Laundry does not work! Make a bucket list... and find the things you can do NOW. And start doing them for yourself... you have to move on to a bright future one step at a time.
Fill your mind and thoughts with beautiful things and ideas... if you have to cast down thoughts of him and the past a million times today...do it. Tomorrow it might 990,000.
You wouldn't pick up a rattlesnake would you? Then why take someone back who is worse or even THINK about taking them back?
Your brain is not your friend right now... it is a chemical production factory that doesn't have a clue what is best for you and your family. The A loser is a dead weight and sure misery if you give in to what I call the "stupid chemicals" that tell us to stick to our mate despite the fact that they are highly toxic!
Retrain your brain. Do not dwell on him. Cast down the thoughts. Whatever it takes. Laundry does not work! Make a bucket list... and find the things you can do NOW. And start doing them for yourself... you have to move on to a bright future one step at a time.
Fill your mind and thoughts with beautiful things and ideas... if you have to cast down thoughts of him and the past a million times today...do it. Tomorrow it might 990,000.
You wouldn't pick up a rattlesnake would you? Then why take someone back who is worse or even THINK about taking them back?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
The best revenge is living well. Simple but true. You are letting him live rent free in your head. That is very counter productive. Said as lovingly as possible ...quit feeling sorry for yourself, and if you put as much energy into your life as you do into his, the possibilities are endless Butterfly. Start focusing on YOUR future. Get excited for the possibilities. LIVE
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Butterfly do you see a counselor?
You are very stuck. Him and his alcoholism don't even seem to be the problem at this point. Your pain is fueled by your inability to accept that he has made a choice with his actions and his words and he has left.
My ex refused to believe what my actions and words were saying to him. It defied all logic. It was mystifying and there was nothing that I could do about it. I was clear, I repeated myself, I kept moving forward with our separation and he lived in this inexplicable land of denial and refused to accept it for the longest time. It is that experience I am drawing on when I say that the key to unlock your pain is inside you - not him. See a counselor to get unstuck from that so you can focus on your present and future.
Thinking of you....
You are very stuck. Him and his alcoholism don't even seem to be the problem at this point. Your pain is fueled by your inability to accept that he has made a choice with his actions and his words and he has left.
My ex refused to believe what my actions and words were saying to him. It defied all logic. It was mystifying and there was nothing that I could do about it. I was clear, I repeated myself, I kept moving forward with our separation and he lived in this inexplicable land of denial and refused to accept it for the longest time. It is that experience I am drawing on when I say that the key to unlock your pain is inside you - not him. See a counselor to get unstuck from that so you can focus on your present and future.
Thinking of you....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
If you don't have the energy you need to do everything you need to do, please consider seeing a counselor or psychiatrist. I was tired for years, could never get it together -- it was depression, plain and simple. Counseling was HUGE for me, so I could break out of the stinking thinking.
Today, I fit in as much as I can. I have a lot of hobbies and I like to maximize my free time out of work. My kids help with age-appropriate chores for allowance. I cook almost every night -- or make a big pot of chili to eat all week -- and then the rest of the evening is spent doing whatever I want. Laundry? Housework? It's literally never over, so hack at it piecemeal, one load a day OR LESS, or just let it go for a day or two. Something that really helped me was getting rid of a lot of junk in my house. You don't need more clothes to wash, furniture to dust, and bills to pay. Reduce, reduce! Do you have an okay support system? Mine isn't perfect, but I let my parents help out more or less as they want. You don't have to carry all this on your shoulders.
Today, I fit in as much as I can. I have a lot of hobbies and I like to maximize my free time out of work. My kids help with age-appropriate chores for allowance. I cook almost every night -- or make a big pot of chili to eat all week -- and then the rest of the evening is spent doing whatever I want. Laundry? Housework? It's literally never over, so hack at it piecemeal, one load a day OR LESS, or just let it go for a day or two. Something that really helped me was getting rid of a lot of junk in my house. You don't need more clothes to wash, furniture to dust, and bills to pay. Reduce, reduce! Do you have an okay support system? Mine isn't perfect, but I let my parents help out more or less as they want. You don't have to carry all this on your shoulders.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Butterfly. You CAN cope. You HAVE been, even if it doesn't feel like it, but you keep telling yourself you are incapable.
It has been said many times in this thread but I have to repeat it: please consider making consistent, regular, face to face counseling or therapy a priority at this point. When you can't see the light through the canopy, you need someone to guide you. No shame in that.
SoberRecovery is a great place, but sometimes we need more help than it can provide.
It has been said many times in this thread but I have to repeat it: please consider making consistent, regular, face to face counseling or therapy a priority at this point. When you can't see the light through the canopy, you need someone to guide you. No shame in that.
SoberRecovery is a great place, but sometimes we need more help than it can provide.
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Thank you everyone you love & support is overwhelming and I so appreciate it. I am seeing a counsellor once a week, can't afford more than that and it does help.
I told him tonight I wanted a divorce after he told me that he didn't want to be with me but didn't want to divorce me as he couldn't stand the thought of divorcing me!!?? I couldn't get my head around this, it seemed as though he doesn't want a divorce incase he changes his mind or realises how he has messed up?? Am I right or have I gone completely nuts???? I'm unhappy I don't want a divorce but I don't see any other alternative!!
I need to learn to be gentler on myself and accept I'm not at full power and yes I need to do some fun things for me!!
Thank you so much everyone for all your replies and support xx
I told him tonight I wanted a divorce after he told me that he didn't want to be with me but didn't want to divorce me as he couldn't stand the thought of divorcing me!!?? I couldn't get my head around this, it seemed as though he doesn't want a divorce incase he changes his mind or realises how he has messed up?? Am I right or have I gone completely nuts???? I'm unhappy I don't want a divorce but I don't see any other alternative!!
I need to learn to be gentler on myself and accept I'm not at full power and yes I need to do some fun things for me!!
Thank you so much everyone for all your replies and support xx
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Thank you everyone you love & support is overwhelming and I so appreciate it. I am seeing a counsellor once a week, can't afford more than that and it does help.
I told him tonight I wanted a divorce after he told me that he didn't want to be with me but didn't want to divorce me as he couldn't stand the thought of divorcing me!!?? I couldn't get my head around this, it seemed as though he doesn't want a divorce incase he changes his mind or realises how he has messed up?? Am I right or have I gone completely nuts???? I'm unhappy I don't want a divorce but I don't see any other alternative!!
I need to learn to be gentler on myself and accept I'm not at full power and yes I need to do some fun things for me!!
Thank you so much everyone for all your replies and support xx
I told him tonight I wanted a divorce after he told me that he didn't want to be with me but didn't want to divorce me as he couldn't stand the thought of divorcing me!!?? I couldn't get my head around this, it seemed as though he doesn't want a divorce incase he changes his mind or realises how he has messed up?? Am I right or have I gone completely nuts???? I'm unhappy I don't want a divorce but I don't see any other alternative!!
I need to learn to be gentler on myself and accept I'm not at full power and yes I need to do some fun things for me!!
Thank you so much everyone for all your replies and support xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
he told me that he didn't want to be with me but didn't want to divorce me as he couldn't stand the thought of divorcing me!!??
oh F him. seriously? HE can't STAND the thought of a divorce, but every other jerkwad action of his up til now is just fine n dandy????? too bad pal, you are no longer calling the shots here. Butterfly is. what a complete and utter jackazz. it's ALLLLL about HIMMM. it's ALLL about him having CONTROL. that is all. don't attempt to go any deeper into that swamp pit of a mind.
oh F him. seriously? HE can't STAND the thought of a divorce, but every other jerkwad action of his up til now is just fine n dandy????? too bad pal, you are no longer calling the shots here. Butterfly is. what a complete and utter jackazz. it's ALLLLL about HIMMM. it's ALLL about him having CONTROL. that is all. don't attempt to go any deeper into that swamp pit of a mind.
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
His comment completely blew me away. Yes it is all about him never mind what he has done to me and my kids!!!!
Lol anvil you have such a good way with words
After I told him I wanted a divorce he told me he didn't think he meant what he said about not wanting to be with me I didn't reply he texted night night. I still haven't replied! I can feel my anger returning at how he has behaved and how selfish he is being. I will not stay married to someone who doesn't want to be with me and who refuses to get help so he can be with me and the kids. He's welcome to his life of drinking binges!! He was right about one thing though I do deserve better!!!!
Lol anvil you have such a good way with words
After I told him I wanted a divorce he told me he didn't think he meant what he said about not wanting to be with me I didn't reply he texted night night. I still haven't replied! I can feel my anger returning at how he has behaved and how selfish he is being. I will not stay married to someone who doesn't want to be with me and who refuses to get help so he can be with me and the kids. He's welcome to his life of drinking binges!! He was right about one thing though I do deserve better!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 339
I just wanted to let you know I feel stuck too. I had that same thought today that my life will just be about coping/struggling. Its helpful to think of it as a phase that will pass.
I have a movie buff friend that will give me a netflix prescription when I'm depressed. I forced myself to socialize this weekend and actually had fun. Its tough but try to do things you enjoy not just tasks you have to do.
I keep telling myself its all about perspective and I've been given a "do over" in life. Now I just have to figure out what im going to do that makes me happy. Although I have to admit the depression can be overwhelming. Who knew happiness could be such hard work.
I have a movie buff friend that will give me a netflix prescription when I'm depressed. I forced myself to socialize this weekend and actually had fun. Its tough but try to do things you enjoy not just tasks you have to do.
I keep telling myself its all about perspective and I've been given a "do over" in life. Now I just have to figure out what im going to do that makes me happy. Although I have to admit the depression can be overwhelming. Who knew happiness could be such hard work.
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