FireSprite

It may not be an issue for you, if you aren't using it as a method of escapism in an unhealthy way. You bring up a good point though, hobbies DO provide a certain amount of healthy escapism when they aren't being abused in that way.

DD was a great kid but age 3 sucked eggs, honestly. Her need for independence soared & she pushed limits/boundaries more than ever.

Could DD3 also be feeling the need to grab attention? I know your younger DD gets a lot of "attention" for her allergies & obviously AH gets attention by acting out at times too - do you think she could just be wanting more one-on-one Mommy Time?

theuncertainty

Firebolt, I love your hobby list. If you ever make it up to AK, I have a few house projects I could use help with. And my property has raspberries, wild cranberries, wild roses (for rosehips), fireweed (which makes wonderful jelly), and mushrooms. Though I don't know enough about the mushrooms to know if any of them would be worthwhile. (The only ones I can identify are the bright red amanitas. Though, DS calls those gnome homes, so we generally leave them alone anyway. One summer we had an entire gnome community development.)

Jen73

Stung, I have a 4 year old boy, I have difficult times with him too. Sometimes, I can sit with him watch his cartoons, play games and whatever, but there are times i get so overwhelmed i need a break from him. Since i dont have job, i been to interviews but no luck. I am with him all the time.

Stung

You know, I like that angle better! LOL I think Florence and LilAmy are ENTJ too, if memory serves!

In regards to my little one, she does some yoga with me. I do yoga every morning and she knows a few poses, she definitely loves doing yoga and I use meditative breathing techniques to calm her down. She's ordinarily the sweetest, most outgoing child I've ever known but when she gets frustrated it's as if the sky is falling. She has been biting her arms and scratching herself this week, earlier in January she bit me so hard during a fit that she broke skin. My plan is to take her to a child psychologist next week. She has already been diagnosed with an auditory processing disorder and goes to speech therapy which is done through play therapy techniques. She enjoys it and her speech is improving. Everything that I've read points squarely at ADHD, especially since she already has already been officially diagnosed with APD.

Also, because my youngest has food allergies (dairy, soy, eggs, celery, and several nuts including peanut) we already eat a very clean diet. When AH watches the girls on his own he usually manages DD3 by bribing her with chocolate milk and cookies (Starbucks). It is what it is. I can't control that and he already knows what *I* think about it. Truth be told, he has told me that he has memories of doing similar things when he was a kid. I've already heard MIL tell stories of how "husky" he was as a child. I'm guessing this is history repeating itself, so I'm trying to intervene where I can.

If anyone is getting extra attention it's DD3. DD1 has food allergies but I have that pretty well managed now a days and she's advanced in all other areas of development. DD3 does have some separation anxiety from AH but again, I can't really do much about that (she also uses missing daddy as an excuse when she doesn't want to do something, like eat her veggies, "mom, I can't eat that, I'm sad because I miss daddy."). She tells me that she misses daddy and I tell her that I do too and that he'll be back once Saturday comes around again. Even though we miss someone it's not a reason to not do other things.

Stung

Thank you. It is totally a lonely space to be in and way easy to isolate when you have higher needs children.

lillamy

Here's my gut talking to you, Mamabear: If you know (Mom-Sense) that there is something "off" about your three-year-old, don't let the professionals back you off that conviction. Push, push, push and get third and fourth opinions if you need to. Become "that parent" and tell people who accuse you of being overprotective to take a flying leap.

I can't tell you how much I wish I had listened to my instincts when DD was little. It took me till she was a teen before I muscled my way through to health care professionals who took me seriously. And I think if she had gotten help as a small child, processing and expressing emotions, things would be easier for her today.

Gonnachange

When my son was an infant up until he was in middle school he need various therapies. When he was an infant it quickly became apparent to me that while some professionals were in our corner nobody was going to advocate for my son more than me and my wife. So we did. Ruthlessly. He's now a sophomore at a very good university and if one didn't know about his background there'd be no way of telling where he came from. He's a highly successful, social college student and I know that the groundwork for this outcome started when he was a about a year old.

I guess I'm really seconding lillamy's post by sharing my personal experience. Don't be afraid to fight and ruffle feathers.

Thumper

My 15yo has APD, ADHD, and dyslexia. Hopefully her behavior will improve with increased speech and language development.

If you like books '"When the Brain Can't Hear" is a good one for APD.

soberlicious

I just want to throw out some supportive cyberlove to the moms here. I have triplet sons. One of them has autism, another ADHD, and the other -while no formal diagnosis- has had an explosive temper his whole life. My boys all have amazing positive qualities and strengths, but each of the above challenges comes with very different behaviors and can be very emotionally exhausting. I, too, was a stay at home mom. I understand the need to retreat-and-create. It's far superior to the retreat-and-drink strategy I used for too many years.

Today, life is very different. They turn 17 years old next month. Of course life is busy, but it's not the same as when they were little. I am not as isolated now either like I was as a SAHM during the toddler years. Hang in there if you're struggling. It will get easier.

I also want to second what lillamy said. Whenever you have a gut feeling about your child, pursue it. I got the run around from doctors when I had concerns about my son (which started shortly after birth). One told me I was tired from dealing with triplets and I was worrying over nothing. It turns out my son has autism and is significantly impaired in many areas. Had I not pushed so hard and continued to pursue, I would have missed important years of early educational and therapeutic interventions that have made a huge impact. While my son will never be able to live on his own, he will able to be employed with the right supports in place.

Trust your gut.

Lastly, on the subject of hobbies...I got a Silhouette Cameo in December and it has been a creative explosion over here. I. Love. This. Machine.

pinkpeony

I'm a professional photographer (had to sell my camera and lenses though so not currently doing photography)

I have lots of hobbies I'd love to try......knitting, sewing (with a machine,) pottery...

Stung

Thanks guys. This is exactly the kind of support that I needed today.

We saw our pediatrician last month and she definitely brushed off my concerns and told me that DD was way too young to be diagnosed with anything and that unless she's struggling in school then it's not something to be concerned with. Super frustrating but I just kind of stepped back from trying to do anything but then this week it's apparent that she NEEDS some kind of support from somewhere and isn't receiving it. I made AH go to that appointment too because he doesn't necessarily think that I'm overreacting but he wants to believe that nothing is "wrong" with DD3. There isn't anything wrong, but she needs extra support/help and I (we) don't know how to give that to her. I'm grasping at straws trying to find something that works for all of us consistently…so far I've been coming up pretty empty handed.

Even my mommy friend that does have a son that is diagnosed as ADHD (although he's older) told me that my DD was too young to be diagnosed but she told me to read The Explosive Child and that book really resonates with what I'm going through with my DD3. I've known since she was 2 that something was going on and although I've changed her pediatrician twice now I keep getting rebuffed that I need to "wait it out". I would much rather intervene now because it's a problem now.

It is extremely emotionally exhausting. Both of my children are amazingly wonderful children, they're just a little higher maintenance than the average child but I don't know any different anyway. For right now, I have everything dialed for DD1 and she's thriving (for the most part - we have extensive allergy testing coming up in a few months and her allergist wants her to be a part of a food allergy study at Stanford…ugh) but I still am at a loss as to how I can put DD3 in the best environment for her to thrive. I don't know what she needs but it's very obvious that she needs something more than what I'm currently doing for her.

soberlicious

I understand the professionals reluctance to diagnose, but waiting it out can be dangerous because you can miss the window on early intensive intervention. Research backs up how powerful early intervention is.

Keep on keepin on. xo