Now he is spreading rumors...
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Now he is spreading rumors...
Hi all, I came here to ask you if you have passed trough something similar to what I am about to share to you.
A week ago my ex approached me at a party I went to with a friend... I agreed to talk to him. He said he still feels something about me, loves me and all of that, but that it was best for me to stay away from him.
So I did. But after that conversation my mind went completely dizzy. I started thinking about all the "why's", about the past, about how he could say he loves me and still hang out with other girls (if I wasn't the one to break up with him)...
It didn't made any sense to me, so I focused on studying for a test I was having on Monday.
Turns out that Monday I heard a classmate saying to others (she is the girlfriend of my ex's best friend) how she went to a party with them. They were very drunk and my ex claimed to have slept with me.
This of course wasn't true. I didn't even had sex with him while in a relationship, so I got really angry. I really never thought that he could say such nasty things, when I really didn't do anything bad to him and always respected him... I messaged him and questioned him about this rumor, he just said I was being overly emotional and unreasonable. He said that he wouldn't change the title for a song he made me long ago (what!? this didn't had anything to do with the fact that I was confronting him)... and he said that he wouldn't talk to me anymore.
I tried to call him but he didn't reply. So after my classes finished I arrived to my home and told my mom about the whole situation (I also had to confess to her that I did talked to him...).
She decided that she would call to his house. His mom answered the phone, but after this he finally answered.
My mom confronted him and he denied everything but also tried to explain some other things to her that didn't had anything to do. She told me that by the tone of his voice she could tell he was crying.
Was this OK (to get my mom involved in all of this...)?
I really never expected something like this from him. I really never gave him any reason to be talking about me like a peace of meat with his drunk friends... I guess I am still wrong when I think he cared about me.
A week ago my ex approached me at a party I went to with a friend... I agreed to talk to him. He said he still feels something about me, loves me and all of that, but that it was best for me to stay away from him.
So I did. But after that conversation my mind went completely dizzy. I started thinking about all the "why's", about the past, about how he could say he loves me and still hang out with other girls (if I wasn't the one to break up with him)...
It didn't made any sense to me, so I focused on studying for a test I was having on Monday.
Turns out that Monday I heard a classmate saying to others (she is the girlfriend of my ex's best friend) how she went to a party with them. They were very drunk and my ex claimed to have slept with me.
This of course wasn't true. I didn't even had sex with him while in a relationship, so I got really angry. I really never thought that he could say such nasty things, when I really didn't do anything bad to him and always respected him... I messaged him and questioned him about this rumor, he just said I was being overly emotional and unreasonable. He said that he wouldn't change the title for a song he made me long ago (what!? this didn't had anything to do with the fact that I was confronting him)... and he said that he wouldn't talk to me anymore.
I tried to call him but he didn't reply. So after my classes finished I arrived to my home and told my mom about the whole situation (I also had to confess to her that I did talked to him...).
She decided that she would call to his house. His mom answered the phone, but after this he finally answered.
My mom confronted him and he denied everything but also tried to explain some other things to her that didn't had anything to do. She told me that by the tone of his voice she could tell he was crying.
Was this OK (to get my mom involved in all of this...)?
I really never expected something like this from him. I really never gave him any reason to be talking about me like a peace of meat with his drunk friends... I guess I am still wrong when I think he cared about me.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Yes it's okay to get your mom involved. You sound very young, you're living with your mom, she is supportive of you so IMO yes, it's good she knows what's going on.
As to your ex - what he did is mean, immature and hurtful but you cannot control what other people do or say. Actually his answers to you and to your mom sound irrational.
What you *can* control is what YOU do and say. Don't see him, don't talk to him, don't text or communicate online.
If his actions or words or anything he puts online strikes you as bullying then by all means tell your mom again and she, or you or both can contact the proper authorities. If he's in your school you can tell the school authorities if you feel attacked or threatened or harassed. Hopefully it's not at that point.
As to your ex - what he did is mean, immature and hurtful but you cannot control what other people do or say. Actually his answers to you and to your mom sound irrational.
What you *can* control is what YOU do and say. Don't see him, don't talk to him, don't text or communicate online.
If his actions or words or anything he puts online strikes you as bullying then by all means tell your mom again and she, or you or both can contact the proper authorities. If he's in your school you can tell the school authorities if you feel attacked or threatened or harassed. Hopefully it's not at that point.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Timetoheal12.....he sounds really young and immature. Add alcohol to the mix....and the group mentality that males have when in each other's presence and you get LOCKER ROOM TALK.
Picture neandethal men all pounding on their hair covered chests, together...LOL!!
I know your mother meant well...but it would have been better for you to fight your own battle o n this. Talk to her, yes....but, you are a big girl, now and shouldn't drag your mother into this.
You might want to keep this circle of friends at a distance.
You deserve more respect.
dandylion
Picture neandethal men all pounding on their hair covered chests, together...LOL!!
I know your mother meant well...but it would have been better for you to fight your own battle o n this. Talk to her, yes....but, you are a big girl, now and shouldn't drag your mother into this.
You might want to keep this circle of friends at a distance.
You deserve more respect.
dandylion
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
He is 26.
I am 20. So I think it wasn't exactly good to tell her...
She said that it was because it isn't the first time he chooses the "easy out" when I confront him about something. He usually gets defensive and tells me stuff like I am the one being irrational. And doesn't answers my calls, like if I was pleading him or something, when the only thing I try to do is to clear stuff decently.
That's why she did this.
As for the classmate that was telling all of this situation... I don't even talk to her but I also confronted her and she denied everything.
I am 20. So I think it wasn't exactly good to tell her...
She said that it was because it isn't the first time he chooses the "easy out" when I confront him about something. He usually gets defensive and tells me stuff like I am the one being irrational. And doesn't answers my calls, like if I was pleading him or something, when the only thing I try to do is to clear stuff decently.
That's why she did this.
As for the classmate that was telling all of this situation... I don't even talk to her but I also confronted her and she denied everything.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Timetoheal.....at your age...the type of people who you associate with, closely, has a big impact on your life. Clearly, this guy is not good relationship material.
You are likely to be attracted to many other people before you are ready to choose a life mate.
Keep your standards high, my dear.....
You sound like a smart girl and a nice person....you should have a great life in front of you....
dandylion
You are likely to be attracted to many other people before you are ready to choose a life mate.
Keep your standards high, my dear.....
You sound like a smart girl and a nice person....you should have a great life in front of you....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
HI
People who lie about you are very revealing about what is inside them, crap. He is immature and irresponsible. Some guys do that, but fortunately many do not.
I dated a boy in high school who told everyone on the football team that I had sex with him (we did not). I had no idea until a friend on the team told me about this 2 years later. It was a lie and really hurt my feelings that he was so dishonest with me and about me. I am not sure why guys do this except to act like they are big studs.
As you get older this will be a less concern, so maybe just steer clear of this guy and be glad you know what you do.
Hugs
People who lie about you are very revealing about what is inside them, crap. He is immature and irresponsible. Some guys do that, but fortunately many do not.
I dated a boy in high school who told everyone on the football team that I had sex with him (we did not). I had no idea until a friend on the team told me about this 2 years later. It was a lie and really hurt my feelings that he was so dishonest with me and about me. I am not sure why guys do this except to act like they are big studs.
As you get older this will be a less concern, so maybe just steer clear of this guy and be glad you know what you do.
Hugs
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
It's a waste of your time and energy to try to 'clear stuff' with an alcoholic. They keep this type of drama going to keep you trying to clear it all up and stay focused on them.
I understand the rumors are hurtful but what he's doing is manipulating you. You'll do better to ignore him completely and your mom the same.
I understand the rumors are hurtful but what he's doing is manipulating you. You'll do better to ignore him completely and your mom the same.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by MissFixit 
HI
People who lie about you are very revealing about what is inside them, crap. He is immature and irresponsible. Some guys do that, but fortunately many do not.
I dated a boy in high school who told everyone on the football team that I had sex with him (we did not). I had no idea until a friend on the team told me about this 2 years later. It was a lie and really hurt my feelings that he was so dishonest with me and about me. I am not sure why guys do this except to act like they are big studs.
As you get older this will be a less concern, so maybe just steer clear of this guy and be glad you know what you do.
Hugs
People who lie about you are very revealing about what is inside them, crap. He is immature and irresponsible. Some guys do that, but fortunately many do not.
I dated a boy in high school who told everyone on the football team that I had sex with him (we did not). I had no idea until a friend on the team told me about this 2 years later. It was a lie and really hurt my feelings that he was so dishonest with me and about me. I am not sure why guys do this except to act like they are big studs.
As you get older this will be a less concern, so maybe just steer clear of this guy and be glad you know what you do.
Hugs
It seems to me like a lot of guys do this nowadays... But I am aware that not every guy is like it. So I'll just have to get trough all of this and really let it be over and far away from my mind, I know and hope that I will find someone better.
Thanks a lot.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by Santa
It's a waste of your time and energy to try to 'clear stuff' with an alcoholic. They keep this type of drama going to keep you trying to clear it all up and stay focused on them.
I understand the rumors are hurtful but what he's doing is manipulating you. You'll do better to ignore him completely and your mom the same.
I understand the rumors are hurtful but what he's doing is manipulating you. You'll do better to ignore him completely and your mom the same.
I am not, but my dignity is suffering...
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Timetoheal12...Of course you can find someone better! There are a few million guys out there that are better. the thing is...do not allow yourself to settle for anything less.
Don't not ever just "settle".
Never, EVER, be afraid to kick someone to the curb---if they do not have a great respect for you and treat you as if you are precious...because you are.
dandylion
Don't not ever just "settle".
Never, EVER, be afraid to kick someone to the curb---if they do not have a great respect for you and treat you as if you are precious...because you are.
dandylion
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Sorry this happened to you.
Unfortunately we cannot control what others say. Your XAB running his mouth about conquests that never happened I see as more male ego than anything.
Stick him in the pile of people that you used to know. I am glad you moved on
Unfortunately we cannot control what others say. Your XAB running his mouth about conquests that never happened I see as more male ego than anything.
Stick him in the pile of people that you used to know. I am glad you moved on
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 390
I do think it was about ego, redatlanta. However, it was embarrasing to hear people talking about it like if it was a tale about a walk to the supermarket... Because it wasn't, my dignity was on the table.
I am glad he is gone.
Thanks for your support.
I am glad he is gone.
Thanks for your support.
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