Glad To Be Back, But Angry!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: HILLSBORO, GA
Posts: 4
Glad To Be Back, But Angry!!
Hello...
I Am The Wife Of An Alcoholic/addict Who Is Currently In A Rehab Program. I Began My Own Recovery Program In '98 But After I Thought Things Were "fixed" (ha!) I Quit My Meetings And Thought Life Was Wonderful. Here I Am 4 Years Later And Thankfully I Am Back In A 12-step Program Myself. I Found This Site This Afternoon And Just Wanted To Get Some Feedback From Anyone Who May Be Going Through Something Similar. I Have So Many Mixed Emotions Right Now And At Meetings All I Can Do Is Cry. I Have A Hard Time Expressing My Feelings To People And So I Thought This Would Be Easier For Me. I Am Still Dealing With The Anger I Have For What Alcoholism And Addiction Has Put My Famliy Through. I Have Gone Through Every Emotion Possible It Seems Since He Left 2 Weeks Ago. Right Now Anger Is Getting Me. I Am Mad At Him Today Because He Is Gone And Has Left Me To Pick Up His Mess!!! I Sure Would Like A Self-help Few Weeks Where I Could Get Support And Relaxation...lol. Don't Get Me Wrong, I Begged For Him To Be Where He Is And Am So Thankful He Chose To Go And Get Help. But I Am Mad And Feel Like I Am Stretched To My Max! Financially He Has Us In An Awful Mess And My Children Are Driving Me Crazy (well, Crazier!) Plus Just Every Day Issues Are Mounding.... Has Anyone Else Gone Thru Similar?? Will It Get Better? I Am Scared Because I Don't Want To Feel This Anger When He Gets Home In Four Weeks. Any Suggestions??? I Am Going To A Meeting Tonight..right Now Thats My Peace! Thanks For Listening!
I Am The Wife Of An Alcoholic/addict Who Is Currently In A Rehab Program. I Began My Own Recovery Program In '98 But After I Thought Things Were "fixed" (ha!) I Quit My Meetings And Thought Life Was Wonderful. Here I Am 4 Years Later And Thankfully I Am Back In A 12-step Program Myself. I Found This Site This Afternoon And Just Wanted To Get Some Feedback From Anyone Who May Be Going Through Something Similar. I Have So Many Mixed Emotions Right Now And At Meetings All I Can Do Is Cry. I Have A Hard Time Expressing My Feelings To People And So I Thought This Would Be Easier For Me. I Am Still Dealing With The Anger I Have For What Alcoholism And Addiction Has Put My Famliy Through. I Have Gone Through Every Emotion Possible It Seems Since He Left 2 Weeks Ago. Right Now Anger Is Getting Me. I Am Mad At Him Today Because He Is Gone And Has Left Me To Pick Up His Mess!!! I Sure Would Like A Self-help Few Weeks Where I Could Get Support And Relaxation...lol. Don't Get Me Wrong, I Begged For Him To Be Where He Is And Am So Thankful He Chose To Go And Get Help. But I Am Mad And Feel Like I Am Stretched To My Max! Financially He Has Us In An Awful Mess And My Children Are Driving Me Crazy (well, Crazier!) Plus Just Every Day Issues Are Mounding.... Has Anyone Else Gone Thru Similar?? Will It Get Better? I Am Scared Because I Don't Want To Feel This Anger When He Gets Home In Four Weeks. Any Suggestions??? I Am Going To A Meeting Tonight..right Now Thats My Peace! Thanks For Listening!
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Ally and welcome!
So many of us get left to clean up the wreckage when the addicted person we love goes off to Rehab Hotel. How is it that Dino spent 7 years using crack and it's me with the debts? How come I was spinning plates while he was resting up and recovering? The answer here was simply... because I could. I didn't have to. I could have let it all fall down and limped off to a freakout farm somewhere, but while I've been troubled, I'm truly not that far gone. He was. I want to keep it together, and I can... so I do. I believed he would if he could but he didn't so he must not be able to. The more recovered he gets the more I think that was right and the more I think that too much too soon could have sent him backwards. As a matter of fact, I saw it happen in the early attempts.
Fair? No way. But I don't want to trade and be him. Uh uh, nuh uh!
When you're mad just visit and scream. I've done it a lot. Do you want to borrow my nerf bat?
I'm glad you found us.
Hugs!
Smoke
So many of us get left to clean up the wreckage when the addicted person we love goes off to Rehab Hotel. How is it that Dino spent 7 years using crack and it's me with the debts? How come I was spinning plates while he was resting up and recovering? The answer here was simply... because I could. I didn't have to. I could have let it all fall down and limped off to a freakout farm somewhere, but while I've been troubled, I'm truly not that far gone. He was. I want to keep it together, and I can... so I do. I believed he would if he could but he didn't so he must not be able to. The more recovered he gets the more I think that was right and the more I think that too much too soon could have sent him backwards. As a matter of fact, I saw it happen in the early attempts.
Fair? No way. But I don't want to trade and be him. Uh uh, nuh uh!
When you're mad just visit and scream. I've done it a lot. Do you want to borrow my nerf bat?
I'm glad you found us.
Hugs!
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WA
Posts: 61
Ally- I could have written you post! My AH has been gone only 9 days and is also in treatment. I have to hold back screaming "Screw you!" everytime he shares all the new insights and things he has learned in treatment. I am home with the 2 kids and doing the house bills, ect. But I also feel like you- I begged him to get help and now I am angry....I have decieded that is okay tho'...I don't take it out on him, and I do hope he gets help, but be honest...this isn't REALLY what you wished for....you wanted a clean sober healthy man, and he is an Alcoholic that needs time and help, as do you and I. We have been affected by their drinking whether we admit to it or not. Try to let go of that anger (as I am also TRYING) It only hurts us and hurts their chances at working towards a healthy relationship. Work on the things you can "control"- your health, your children and your issues. Hang in there! You are definately worth it!
Diane
Diane
Fantastic Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 176
Dear Aly,
I think you just have to get ready for the long road ahead ...IT IS NOT EASY! It is sure not going to be a quick fix either. My A went though rehab 2 years ago this fall...he is sober and he different for sure. My kids are grown and my finanaces were not that bad...but he is my second A husband! At first I hated him, then when he became very ill..I rescued him when I got the pleading call as he was going into rehab. I wish I would have hung up tht phone and just let him do it all by himself. He is sober today, he is major into AA....he is quiet...he is a book worm.....at times this seems like a real poor choice that I have made. I think I should have just kept on going and not looked back!
I would hope you would take this time to really look at your relationship and see if this is what you want for you and your kids. Do you really want him back or do you want a person to help you get by?
I hope you can find some peace...THIS is a great place to come...come often everyone is so helpful and there is always someoone to talk to!
Much Love,
Kittycat!
I think you just have to get ready for the long road ahead ...IT IS NOT EASY! It is sure not going to be a quick fix either. My A went though rehab 2 years ago this fall...he is sober and he different for sure. My kids are grown and my finanaces were not that bad...but he is my second A husband! At first I hated him, then when he became very ill..I rescued him when I got the pleading call as he was going into rehab. I wish I would have hung up tht phone and just let him do it all by himself. He is sober today, he is major into AA....he is quiet...he is a book worm.....at times this seems like a real poor choice that I have made. I think I should have just kept on going and not looked back!
I would hope you would take this time to really look at your relationship and see if this is what you want for you and your kids. Do you really want him back or do you want a person to help you get by?
I hope you can find some peace...THIS is a great place to come...come often everyone is so helpful and there is always someoone to talk to!
Much Love,
Kittycat!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: HILLSBORO, GA
Posts: 4
Thanks so much to all of you for your help. I really can't tell you how much your words mean to me. I already feel better and you are right smoke, I don't want to be him!!! And Diane it means alot to know I'm not alone, and you know exactly how I'm feeling today. Sometimes I forget I'm not alone. And yes, I will focus on what I can control. (Big issue for me) Kittycat, I have thought long and hard and I do love my husband and know that lots of things have to be changed on both our parts for our marriage to survive. I did find peace here and I will be coming back. Thanks to all of you. Honestly!! Love and hugs, Ally
Fantastic Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 176
Great Ally! We will look for you! Just remember you and the kids come first now...look out for yourself....there is nothing more frightening for our A's when we don't look out after them... my "A" would tell you that. It is scary to let go...I KNOW that...Much love........... Kittycat!
Kittycat!
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hey Ally,
Welcome. I found that a lot of my anger at my H was due to the fact that I neglected me while trying to take care of him and us. It may not seem like much, but doing little nice things for me has helped me lower my expectations of others to do that for me. I make a list of little things to do for me that are achievable and then I work them into my daily routine. One thing is to go to the icecream parlor. It's more expensive than buying icecream at the store, but it's a splurge that is special and makes me feel special. Give it a try. It may take your mind off the overwhelming stuff that is stuck in your head right now for just a little while. Hugs, Magic
Welcome. I found that a lot of my anger at my H was due to the fact that I neglected me while trying to take care of him and us. It may not seem like much, but doing little nice things for me has helped me lower my expectations of others to do that for me. I make a list of little things to do for me that are achievable and then I work them into my daily routine. One thing is to go to the icecream parlor. It's more expensive than buying icecream at the store, but it's a splurge that is special and makes me feel special. Give it a try. It may take your mind off the overwhelming stuff that is stuck in your head right now for just a little while. Hugs, Magic
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