Am i responsible for alcoholics ex
 

Am I responsible for alcoholic ex husband relationship with his son?

I am withholding my son from EXAH through avo, I feel guilty and bad yes however trying to manage this will send me to the grave.

I've tried for 19months and threw the towel in when I took the avo out. Now his thrown the I dont get to see my son card in court and I feel like I'm going crazy, court asked if he tried mediation, said yes but that I didn't show up when really I didn't show up because he didn't adhere to the confirmation rules in the contract because he was out drunk and switched his phone off on me when I tried to organise this with him.

I've just got a social worker to step in and see if they can help facilitate this.. God I'm so emotional

I'm sorry you have continued problems with him.

Yes, I am afraid that you will have to do whatever the Court's decide as far as contact with his son. I am unsure what you mean by "he did not adhere to the confirmation rules in the contract" in regard to the mediation. Did he really show up and you weren't there?

Show up to all Court dates. Bring all documentation you have regarding his behavior. Hopefully it will be supervised visitation.

In a perfect world no active alcoholic would have contact with their children. Unfortunately the Court's don't see it that way. The best you can do is have a very structured visitation agreement including a "no alcohol" clause, supervision and the like.

I hate my life, I'm so miserable - sorry to complain. Part of the agreement was he had to call at 5 on the dot to confirm the plans for the morning he never did, made me chase after him then switched his phone off.. So I blocked his number for a month after that.. He didn't go anywhere to meet us.

If you don't abide by the agreement, you don't look so good in a court hearing. It really is as simple as that. I've gnashed my teeth, cursed under my breath, banged my head against the wall regarding the things the court has ordered -- but you have to stick to what the court order says. Always.

No, you're not responsible for your ex's relationship with his son. But you are responsible for not making it more difficult for him because you're mad at him.

This is not just about proving that he is an unfit parent. It's also about convincing the court that you are a better one. And the only way you do that is jumping through whatever hoops they put in front of you. ;)

I'm so nervous to go to the hearing... This man has turned my world upside down... I've been through enough now I have to face him in court.. He has seen his kid 20 times in two years and I have to go through this.. 😞

Killer, do you have a good friend who can go with you to the hearing? I was a wreck before every court hearing I had to go to, and that actually helped. My friend wasn't allowed in the court room every time, but just having someone there holding my hand before and going to the bathroom with me and waiting for me outside afterwards was really, really helpful.

And it really is difficult. I don't know your entire history, but having to face someone in the court room who has been abusive to you is incredibly stressful. Think of it this way, though -- if you are nervous around him, that's something the judge needs to see. (((hugs)))