StillSober2Day

He was diagnosed in February 2013 with an estimated five months to live. It has been eight. He has a horrible pain pill addiction, alcohol addiction, and marijuana addiction. He is only 47 years old. He has no desire to get sober now. Watching him self destruct is horrible for me and my mother.

You would think the alcohol and pain pills combined would take him down fast, but he keeps on trucking. Hate to say this, but I will be relieved when he is finally at rest and not in danger of hurting others.

Does anyone have experience with someone abusing alcohol with cancer?

Sasha4

Have you sought any professional advice on how to deal with this yourself?

I ask because part of my job brings me into contact with cancer healthcare professionals.
I've had some personal experience too.

Often in the case of lung cancer patients who have a smoking related cancer, there is a tendency for relatives to pressurise the patient into stopping smoking once they are diagnosed. I only use lung cancer as an example.

However, it can be too late by then and the damage has been done. The damage will have happened slowly over many years of smoking and giving up cigarettes at that stage with advanced cancer is probably not going to help or stop the progression/ or cure the disease.
In fact it will probably just be another added pressure to deal with along with the terminal diagnosis and all the struggles that brings.

I should imagine he is very angry about his diagnosis when he is so young?
Does he receive any spiritual or psychological treatment - from the hospital/hospice who are involved in his care maybe?

I understand it must be very hard for you and his mother to witness and accept.
Perhaps a way to understand it or live with it is that we all have the right to choose the sort of death and how our final months will be. If his choice involves drinking and other addictions, then that is his choice.

However if he is endangering other people's lives, then that is not okay. Do you mean he is doing things that could hurt someone? Like driving drunk for example?
But if he wants to end his days drunk and loaded in his own environment, I doubt there is much you can do to change that.

We all have different idea's and visions of how death an the final months maybe.
Some patients want to pack as much in as they can. Live life as full as they can.
But thats not everyone's choice or vision and as hard as it is we have to respect that.

I really wish you the best xx

lillamy

I've got nothing, no good ideas. I know we had a poster here who took in her brother who was dying so that he could spend his last time with her -- but she ended up putting him out of her home because dying or not, his drinking wreaked havoc with the life in her home.

I'm wondering what you are doing for you? Are you taking care of yourself? Is there a cancer support group for families at the local hospital? Or your local Al-Anon group? I know that it feels like your situation is very different from most because your brother has cancer -- but honestly, all alcoholics are dying. So I think the folks at Al-Anon might be able to relate and help you and your mother deal with your pain about this?

hopeful4

So so sorry, what a terrible situation.

It is amazing how much abuse the body can take. I second that I hope you and your mom are doing some kind things for you!

Eauchiche

All I can say is "WOW!"
So sorry you are dealing with this, and so surprised at yet ANOTHER person who is so bent on destroying themselves.

littlesister1

OMG YES!
It's my brother-he was diagnosed in June and given 4 weeks to live
He found a new girlfriend and is drinking and doing drugs STILL.
Since he got this new GF he is leaving me alone
I know what you mean about being relieved. I feel guilty for feeling that way