So mad
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: UK
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So mad
Sorry guys I really need to vent!!
XAP agreed to have the kids today as I had x2 hospital appointments at 2 different hospitals. He said this would be his contact for the week, so hes not even done me any favours. He called at 12 asking if I could have DS3 while he picked DD7 up from school, I said no as a, I would still be at a hospital appointment and b, why should I help him out when he doesn't help me.
Anyway, on his way back from collect DD from school he came to my house to let her get changed (really? or was it to check if I was telling the truth about the hospital app??) He was sober and said he was taking them to the local mall for a present- good I thought.
He brought them back about an hour ago- and hes been drinking and smoking weed!!!!! ARGH my blood is literally boiling!! He wasn't rolling about the floor drunk, but it was obvious he had been drinking- its the eyes, I can tell by his eyes- you know what i mean guys??
So I said WTF are you drinking when you have the kids, and he was like it was only a spliff and I said drinking too, he said only one -well we all know what that means. I said you know you shouldn't be drinking with the kids, he said hes a bit fed up! Fecking FED UP!!!!!!! I'm fed up putting up with all this sh!t!
For those of you who have read my previous posts you know i'm struggling with the decision whether or not to move back to where my family are which is a plane/boat away. Its where all my support would be as the only reason why i am still here is for the kids to see their dad- i have no other support from any of his family, no help with childcare or anything. Which i would have ample of if i moved back home. And now on the only one day when hes had dd7 from 3.15-6.30 and he cant not even have a drink or smoke in those 3 hours??? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
So i've arranged for him to come here on thurs telling him i need to talk to him-and what i'm going to say i really dont know.
Thanks for listening and sorry for the rants, can you tell i'm mad? lol
ps i ordered codependent no more this morning
XAP agreed to have the kids today as I had x2 hospital appointments at 2 different hospitals. He said this would be his contact for the week, so hes not even done me any favours. He called at 12 asking if I could have DS3 while he picked DD7 up from school, I said no as a, I would still be at a hospital appointment and b, why should I help him out when he doesn't help me.
Anyway, on his way back from collect DD from school he came to my house to let her get changed (really? or was it to check if I was telling the truth about the hospital app??) He was sober and said he was taking them to the local mall for a present- good I thought.
He brought them back about an hour ago- and hes been drinking and smoking weed!!!!! ARGH my blood is literally boiling!! He wasn't rolling about the floor drunk, but it was obvious he had been drinking- its the eyes, I can tell by his eyes- you know what i mean guys??
So I said WTF are you drinking when you have the kids, and he was like it was only a spliff and I said drinking too, he said only one -well we all know what that means. I said you know you shouldn't be drinking with the kids, he said hes a bit fed up! Fecking FED UP!!!!!!! I'm fed up putting up with all this sh!t!
For those of you who have read my previous posts you know i'm struggling with the decision whether or not to move back to where my family are which is a plane/boat away. Its where all my support would be as the only reason why i am still here is for the kids to see their dad- i have no other support from any of his family, no help with childcare or anything. Which i would have ample of if i moved back home. And now on the only one day when hes had dd7 from 3.15-6.30 and he cant not even have a drink or smoke in those 3 hours??? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
So i've arranged for him to come here on thurs telling him i need to talk to him-and what i'm going to say i really dont know.
Thanks for listening and sorry for the rants, can you tell i'm mad? lol
ps i ordered codependent no more this morning
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Tiredmum, it may give you some peace of mind to consult with a lawyer as soon as possible on this issue. I am firmly behind you needing to go where the support is, but as for what you need to tell him and when, you should be sure of your rights and responsibilities as a co-parent before you do anything. Dealing with the 'just the facts' may also help diffuse some of the emotional tension over this unfortunate situation.
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For those of you who have read my previous posts you know i'm struggling with the decision whether or not to move back to where my family are which is a plane/boat away.
I have no idea why you would be struggling with that decision. I understand you want your kids father in their life, but at this point they are better off not being around him.
I have no idea why you would be struggling with that decision. I understand you want your kids father in their life, but at this point they are better off not being around him.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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Sparklekitty, thanks for that, I'm now googling family law in the UK and I am planning on going to our local Citizens advice asap, I wonder as we didn't marry does he even have a say? Although he would probably be too drunk to actually do anything about it.
Sungirl, I know- it seems illogical to me also. I don't know what I'm afraid of but I do know it is the best thing to do.
Sungirl, I know- it seems illogical to me also. I don't know what I'm afraid of but I do know it is the best thing to do.
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I guess its because I'm afraid of hurting his feelings. I still love him. I know he still loves the kids and I'm afraid of what is to become of him if I take the kids away. But I guess that love doesn't matter as his only love is the drink (and whatever else he can get his hands on). This is hard - it seems so simple and if anyone was in my situation and asked my opinion, I would tell them to get away- why cant I listen to my own advice??
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he drove under the influence with the children in the car. he probably smoked and drank with them IN the car. not only can he not handle having his own children for a few hours, but he can't do so and not get loaded. he's not GIVING anything to the children....he's just a really lousy babysitter.
you don't need to have a talk. i say GO and then sort things out. cuz this is ridiculous and the kids aren't getting a fair shake at all.
you don't need to have a talk. i say GO and then sort things out. cuz this is ridiculous and the kids aren't getting a fair shake at all.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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Don't beat yourself up. I held on for a long time and my x and I never had children.
I know it must be extremely difficult. It is very easy for me to type away and give my humble opinions.
It just breaks my heart to see all you lovely women and mothers have such terrible circumstances to overcome due to the selfishness of your addicted partners. If that makes sense.
You will do the right thing for you at the right time.
I know it must be extremely difficult. It is very easy for me to type away and give my humble opinions.
It just breaks my heart to see all you lovely women and mothers have such terrible circumstances to overcome due to the selfishness of your addicted partners. If that makes sense.
You will do the right thing for you at the right time.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
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***He didn't drive- he doesn't have a license due to alcohol induced seizures. he picked the kids up on bicycle.
BUT I completely agree with you, hes a lousy babysitter and one that's not even available when I need him.
And he gave me £125 this month but is rocking about with a new bike, new trainers and coat. Although i should be pleased he gave me anything as i know some people get nothing, but £125 is feck all- DDs brownies group was £39 alone last week!!
Sorry guys, writing this all down makes it all seem real!!!! You must all think I'm mad (and i do myself) but I suppose after 9 years of the same sh!t it all seems normal.
BUT I completely agree with you, hes a lousy babysitter and one that's not even available when I need him.
And he gave me £125 this month but is rocking about with a new bike, new trainers and coat. Although i should be pleased he gave me anything as i know some people get nothing, but £125 is feck all- DDs brownies group was £39 alone last week!!
Sorry guys, writing this all down makes it all seem real!!!! You must all think I'm mad (and i do myself) but I suppose after 9 years of the same sh!t it all seems normal.
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Originally Posted by Sungrl 
Don't beat yourself up. I held on for a long time and my x and I never had children.
I know it must be extremely difficult. It is very easy for me to type away and give my humble opinions.
It just breaks my heart to see all you lovely women and mothers have such terrible circumstances to overcome due to the selfishness of your addicted partners. If that makes sense.
You will do the right thing for you at the right time.
I know it must be extremely difficult. It is very easy for me to type away and give my humble opinions.
It just breaks my heart to see all you lovely women and mothers have such terrible circumstances to overcome due to the selfishness of your addicted partners. If that makes sense.
You will do the right thing for you at the right time.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 34
Originally Posted by KCrazy
I'm afraid of what is to become of him if I take the kids away - tiredmum
But you are much more afraid of what is to become of your kids if you don't...
But you are much more afraid of what is to become of your kids if you don't...
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he picked them up.........on a bicycle. stoned. having ingested some amount of alcohol. pedaling a bike in traffic is perilous enough...add an under the influence cyclist trying to balance TWO kids???? uh no. that's just not SAFE.
he is not safe. he cannot be trusted. the priority here MUST be the CHILDREN. since he can't or won't do that....you MUST. and you can start by finding a better more reliable babysitter!!!
he is not safe. he cannot be trusted. the priority here MUST be the CHILDREN. since he can't or won't do that....you MUST. and you can start by finding a better more reliable babysitter!!!
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 38
My daughter who is 7 has even suggested it without any prompt from me. - tiredmum
My 9 year old has been telling me what to do for years, I just haven't listened. I think most children see clearly, they aren't blinded by "love." Isn't that something?
My 9 year old has been telling me what to do for years, I just haven't listened. I think most children see clearly, they aren't blinded by "love." Isn't that something?
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