Today was a hard day for me...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: WA
Posts: 61
Today was a hard day for me...
I asked my AH to leave a week ago Friday (wow seems like MUCH longer than that!) He finally enrolled in an intensive outpatient program and at the same time is going off of Lexapro (took it for over a year).
Anyways I have two kids (3 and 5) and we were planning on going to the lake today (hit 95 here! HOT!) Anyways my AH went to a meeting last night from 6-9pm and doesn't call me afterwards, and also doesn't call or anything this morning (He had told me earlier he would like to see the kids Sat.) So I get up with the kids about 7am and make breakfast and we played around for a little bit kind of waiting to see if he would call or come by- when 10 AM rolled around I figured I wasn't going to wait all day and I packed a picnic lunch and a bag for the kids and started loading the car for the trip to the lake. My husband then shows up and says he would like to take the kids to the lake. Also adds that he doesn't think our "relationship" is healthy enough yet for us to go together with the kids.
I don't want to hold him back from time with them as they have missed him so much so I just let him take them. They were so excited! I balled my eyes out as soon as they left the driveway. This is so scary. I know I have to find my own happiness, but it sure is hard to do when you feel like your whole life has been turned upside down.
My mom is also an Alcoholic, as was my AH's mom. Sometimes it seems to me that children of Alcoholic's end up either
A- an Alcoholic or
B- an enabler of an Alcoholic
Am I wrong? I sure don't want to see my boys go thru any of this later on in their own marriages.
Anyways, I am just trying to deal with all of this! I have said this before, but this doesn't feel like this is really my life. I don't want to end up divorced and sending my boys off every other weekend. I know "one day at a time" right? Somedays all this stuff just seems overwhelming! I am thinking I need to find a good counselor that I can go to that can help me work this out in my head. I just don't know if Al Anon is going to be the right place for me to share. I have sooooo much going on in my head right now....
Thanks for letting me vent.
Di
Anyways I have two kids (3 and 5) and we were planning on going to the lake today (hit 95 here! HOT!) Anyways my AH went to a meeting last night from 6-9pm and doesn't call me afterwards, and also doesn't call or anything this morning (He had told me earlier he would like to see the kids Sat.) So I get up with the kids about 7am and make breakfast and we played around for a little bit kind of waiting to see if he would call or come by- when 10 AM rolled around I figured I wasn't going to wait all day and I packed a picnic lunch and a bag for the kids and started loading the car for the trip to the lake. My husband then shows up and says he would like to take the kids to the lake. Also adds that he doesn't think our "relationship" is healthy enough yet for us to go together with the kids.
I don't want to hold him back from time with them as they have missed him so much so I just let him take them. They were so excited! I balled my eyes out as soon as they left the driveway. This is so scary. I know I have to find my own happiness, but it sure is hard to do when you feel like your whole life has been turned upside down. My mom is also an Alcoholic, as was my AH's mom. Sometimes it seems to me that children of Alcoholic's end up either
A- an Alcoholic or
B- an enabler of an Alcoholic
Am I wrong? I sure don't want to see my boys go thru any of this later on in their own marriages.
Anyways, I am just trying to deal with all of this! I have said this before, but this doesn't feel like this is really my life. I don't want to end up divorced and sending my boys off every other weekend. I know "one day at a time" right? Somedays all this stuff just seems overwhelming! I am thinking I need to find a good counselor that I can go to that can help me work this out in my head. I just don't know if Al Anon is going to be the right place for me to share. I have sooooo much going on in my head right now....
Thanks for letting me vent.
Di
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 9
Al Anon really wouldn't hurt. I am an alcoholic and a couple of weeks ago we invited some Al Anon members to join us. WOW! What a wonderful group of people and their courage to get help for themselves. The alcoholic effects every single person they come in contact with. You will find help for yourself and your children there. Even though you may think your children do not know something is wrong with Dad, it still is affecting them in some way. I found this out with my 3 year old. Best of luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Di.
Some people find help in counseling, some find it in peer groups like alanon. But yeh, do something. When we learn dysfunction and live in dysfunction it's impossible to be an example of anything else. If you start to learn healthy ways of relating, your boys will learn that instead.
I'm sorry you had such a sad day. (((( Di! ))))
Hugs,
Smoke
Some people find help in counseling, some find it in peer groups like alanon. But yeh, do something. When we learn dysfunction and live in dysfunction it's impossible to be an example of anything else. If you start to learn healthy ways of relating, your boys will learn that instead.
I'm sorry you had such a sad day. (((( Di! ))))
Hugs,
Smoke
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Getting healthier goes without saying...the healthier the parent, the more well adjusted the children.
A few little ground rules (as in boundaries) could also go a long way toward you not standing in the driveway crying ever again.
Hugs,
JT
A few little ground rules (as in boundaries) could also go a long way toward you not standing in the driveway crying ever again.
Hugs,
JT
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Yreva,
Nobody gets to choose the destiny of their children. They are fortunate that you are choosing to break the cycle in your life. They have a chance to see both sides. If they do have problems as adults, they will also have an example of recovery in you. Just continue learning to recover and take care of yourself. That is the best gift you can give your kids today. Hugs, Magic
Nobody gets to choose the destiny of their children. They are fortunate that you are choosing to break the cycle in your life. They have a chance to see both sides. If they do have problems as adults, they will also have an example of recovery in you. Just continue learning to recover and take care of yourself. That is the best gift you can give your kids today. Hugs, Magic
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