And he's resurfaced...
 

Hadn't heard from my Ex Alcholic Fiance in a year, since he abandoned me for what I assumed was the third and final time. Finally after slogging through a year of depression and working to put my life back together (which is still an ongoing struggle), I have been feeling a sense of closure and peace. Able to envision a new life, even happiness, without him.

And then last night he emailed me, telling me how sorry he is and wants to try again. I almost passed out from the shock of seeing his email in my inbox.

I don't even really know what to say. I'm truly speechless. I guess I just had to post this to get it out!

In some circles this is called "The Recycle."

Whomever he has been pulling the same crap on for the last year is now either fed up, or catching on, so it is time to go back and attempt to re-use known good prior dumping sites.

changeschoices...I caution you to keep your head in charge---and NOT your heart. Your heart will still be too vulnerable to protect you.

This forum is chock-full of others who have been told the very same thing. Now would be a good time for you to read through some of those true life accounts from others who have the scars of experience.

You can go the the blue bar at the top of this main page. the click on the "search button" and type in a phrase....." returned" or "promised"

dandylion

Abandoned you three times? I wouldn't even respond.

There's no appropriate response to that. Delete. Move on.

That is so true. My husband "recycled" me for years. I would kick him out. He would move in with one of his old girlfriends. She would get tired of his crap and back he would come to me with promises of being a changed man that sounded so great at the time. But it always ended up the same. No matter how much you want to believe he changed you probably already know how this will end.

I wouldn't respond. He abused you and left you high and dry. Done.

Hi Hammer,

You always know what to send out to confirm what we know. THANK YOU!!! really, thank you so much. Bernadette777

To all on this thread, thank you so very much. Bernadette777

Your being "truly speechless" might be some very good instincts coming into play.

Don't say anything.

Delete and move on.

Well, I have to give credit to some folks I have never even met on Facebook for that one.

So I just told them, thanks, as well.

Be very careful. All that work you have invested in getting past your past can easily be dissolved if you let yourself start thinking about what might be... after all, what you have- self love and a promising future of happiness is worth a great deal!

To all the people who think when he walks out that door it's over and he will be on to a new and thrilling life while you sit home and cry....read and reread. It's way harder than you think to get rid of an alcoholic.

Changes - I'm both a recovering codie (my main problem, though I didn't realize it) and an RA. I first drank to keep up or put up with XABF#1. that no longer worked so I tried opiates and lost my career of nursing and XABF#1.

Got clean, was still codie and hooked up with XABF#2, a supposed recovering cocaine addict. I soon joined him in his crack addiction as I wanted to fit in. Got tired of him, found XABF#3, another crackhead. Hit my bottom and found SR. lurked for a couple of years, finally joined when I had 6 months clean.

XABF#1 and I have mutual friends. He is still "messed up" and married another codie who made me look pale in comparison, and I was a really good codie. XABF#2? I have no idea. He'd had 3 heart attacks from crack and was still out hustling for more. XABF#3? dead. He decided his crack pipe was more important than going to a doctor and died of pneumonia in a crack house.

Me? Over 7-1/2 years in recovery. Clung to this thread as a lifeline. I still have my codie moments, but I finally realized that *I* cannot fix anyone other than myself. I know longer want people in my life who have substance abuse problems and are not willing to do the work involved for recovery. Don't show up, later, and beg me for a second chance. I gave you that opportunity, many times, and you let me down every time. I don't deserve it and neither do you.

Last year, my step mom and I barely spoke for 6 months because she was escalating in pill abuse. I told her she was going to die, make a list of what she wanted to go to who and she said "F you". In the end, I found her dead on the floor. I tried CPR, but knew it was too late.

I LIVED her addiction but I couldn't help her. I couldn't help my stepsister who was high on heroine when she died, and I cut all ties to my stepbrother who was drunk, obnoxious and threatening at the funeral


All I can do is remove myself from toxic loved ones, and focus on my life. You deserve to do the same. Ignore the message, move forward and don't look back. I agree with the others... He's run out of people to support him and is playing with your mind to take him back. Been there, done that, got a ton of t-shirts in all colors. It's just not worth it, in my opinion.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Impurrfect....your post goes to my heart. I admire you so much.

Thanks..with all my heart.

dandylion

since he abandoned me for what I assumed was the third and final time
so whose in charge here? him or you?

Don,t answer. It's a hook.

Wow, this would make my head spin. You've spent a whole year getting over this and have finally found peace and closure. I don't know how many years you spent together, but if this is the third time he's abandoned you I would think it's been some time. This is a no-brainer...how much more of your life do you want to waste on this? We all have a limited time here on this earth to find happiness, our clocks are ticking. It seems to me he had his chance and blew it.

My humble opinion? Delete! Now go find Mr. Right and be happy!

Time to flush this turd for good. Change your contact info and never look back. The third time is NOT the charm, just more of the same crap.