First post and a little (ok a LOT) lost...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 15
First post and a little (ok a LOT) lost...
I guess this is my first step of a very long journey. My husband is an alcoholic. (That is one of the hardest sentences I have ever typed.)
I'm just so lost right now I don't even know what to say here.
Where do I start???
I'm just so lost right now I don't even know what to say here.
Where do I start???
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 15
Thanks Hammer 
I literally sat here and stared at the screen trying to figure out if I should keep it short and sweet to start or just pour my guts out, which I'm sure will happen at some point. I have been reading a lot of posts and it's comforting (and also extremely sad) to see stories very similar to mine.
As they say - a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step...
I literally sat here and stared at the screen trying to figure out if I should keep it short and sweet to start or just pour my guts out, which I'm sure will happen at some point. I have been reading a lot of posts and it's comforting (and also extremely sad) to see stories very similar to mine.
As they say - a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step...
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Southwest
Posts: 83
Welcome! There are a lot of great people and a ton of wonderful info here to absorb. I highly recommend reading the stickies on the top of the page if you haven't already and always feel comfortable to post as little or as much as you want.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 15
Originally Posted by Combakkid 
Welcome! There are a lot of great people and a ton of wonderful info here to absorb. I highly recommend reading the stickies on the top of the page if you haven't already and always feel comfortable to post as little or as much as you want.
I feel like I want to post a LOT but I'm afraid it would turn in to an epic novel because there is so much running around in my head all the dang time.
I love my AH very much and I'm not at the point of throwing in the towel and honestly, I hope I never get to that point. I am so angry at him at the moment, however, that I am having a very hard time not resorting to "you hurt me so I want to hurt you" behavior. (emotional hurt - not physical)
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: California
Posts: 693
Welcome Kam. Although I'm sorry you have to be here.
Sober Recovery really got me through some very dark months. I'll be forever grateful to being able to come here for support and understanding.
The good news is there is light at the end of this tunnel.
Read on, lots of good information here to help you get there.
Sober Recovery really got me through some very dark months. I'll be forever grateful to being able to come here for support and understanding.
The good news is there is light at the end of this tunnel.
Read on, lots of good information here to help you get there.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
Welcome. Sorry for what has brought you to SR.
I remember crying after my first post, because I felt some sort of release. Posting helps me sort through some of the stuff going on in my head, even if no one ever responds. Post as you feel the need.
I remember crying after my first post, because I felt some sort of release. Posting helps me sort through some of the stuff going on in my head, even if no one ever responds. Post as you feel the need.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 21
I'm sorry that an event in your life has brought you here. But find comfort in the way these stories parallel your own. It hurts, for sure. But it is helping me. I only started posting yesterday, but I am already starting to feel comfort in my discomfort.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: OREGON
Posts: 228
Oh, don't worry about a novel.... the stories each of us shares is/could be... a novel. That is for sure. It could write the best sad songs to hit the charts. However, we to become healthier individuals. You throwing in the towel is not the answer perhaps, but growing in yourself and learning to keep yourself strong. You have choices in all of this. Keep reading... keep getting stronger.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Welcome to SR, kam. I'm glad you've been spending some time reading around the forums, so you already know you're not alone in this. I'm also glad you found the stickies. I hope you didn't miss this one: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Alanon can also be a tremendous resource for face-to-face support and education. For me, SR and Alanon in combination have made a big difference in how I see things and handle situations. I'd suggest trying several meetings to see if it might work for you also.
One thing you'll hear a lot here is the 3 C's: You didn't Cause his alcoholism, you can't Control it and you can't Cure it. There is only 1 person whose actions you can control, and that is you. Although it may sound crazy to say that your path to recovery begins with focusing on yourself, rather than finding some new way to convince your A to quit drinking, it is the absolute truth. Recovery is all about finding a way to be happy regardless of what your A is or is not doing.
When you say you love your A but are almost at the point of throwing in the towel, I want to say 2 things: First, ALL of us here love(d) our A's. Love alone is not going to get him sober. If it could, this site would never have needed to exist. Second, when you say "throwing in the towel", I'm not sure if that means "leave him" or "give up trying to control him." If it's the former, by all means, take your time (as long as you aren't in danger) and get your own head on straight before making such a big decision. Only you will know when or if it's time for that. If it's the latter--well, then, the sooner you toss that towel out, the better!
Please feel free to post your epic. The more that folks here know about what's going on in your life and what you're struggling with, the more specific they can be in sharing their experience, strength and hope w/you. And you'll likely gain some insight yourself just from putting the words on "paper". I know it often works that way for me.
Again, welcome to SR, and please don't ever be shy about how much or little you post!
Alanon can also be a tremendous resource for face-to-face support and education. For me, SR and Alanon in combination have made a big difference in how I see things and handle situations. I'd suggest trying several meetings to see if it might work for you also.
One thing you'll hear a lot here is the 3 C's: You didn't Cause his alcoholism, you can't Control it and you can't Cure it. There is only 1 person whose actions you can control, and that is you. Although it may sound crazy to say that your path to recovery begins with focusing on yourself, rather than finding some new way to convince your A to quit drinking, it is the absolute truth. Recovery is all about finding a way to be happy regardless of what your A is or is not doing.
When you say you love your A but are almost at the point of throwing in the towel, I want to say 2 things: First, ALL of us here love(d) our A's. Love alone is not going to get him sober. If it could, this site would never have needed to exist. Second, when you say "throwing in the towel", I'm not sure if that means "leave him" or "give up trying to control him." If it's the former, by all means, take your time (as long as you aren't in danger) and get your own head on straight before making such a big decision. Only you will know when or if it's time for that. If it's the latter--well, then, the sooner you toss that towel out, the better!
Please feel free to post your epic. The more that folks here know about what's going on in your life and what you're struggling with, the more specific they can be in sharing their experience, strength and hope w/you. And you'll likely gain some insight yourself just from putting the words on "paper". I know it often works that way for me.
Again, welcome to SR, and please don't ever be shy about how much or little you post!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 15
Thank you everyone for the warm welcome
Well I just have to share an update. Yesterday AH had a major breakthrough and is as of right now 41 hours sober. The beer is out of his truck and our house and he wants to remain sober. The lines of communication between the two of us are opening and we know we have a long, hard road ahead of us but it's the first step.
Well I just have to share an update. Yesterday AH had a major breakthrough and is as of right now 41 hours sober. The beer is out of his truck and our house and he wants to remain sober. The lines of communication between the two of us are opening and we know we have a long, hard road ahead of us but it's the first step.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Good Morning Kam, I also would like to wish you a very warm welcome to SR. You will get great support here. Do you attend Alanon or Celebrate Recovery, or have any sort of face to face support for yourself? If not you may want to give it a try, I am betting it would really help.
Keep reading, keep coming back to SR. There is great wisdom and support to be found here!
Have a blessed day, I wish you and your husband very good luck!
Keep reading, keep coming back to SR. There is great wisdom and support to be found here!
Have a blessed day, I wish you and your husband very good luck!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 15
I haven't gone to any meetings yet, this is all very new to me but I'm not ruling them out. We both have a wonderful support system in our friends and that is helping a lot.
I will definitely keep coming back here! This place has been so helpful already.
I will definitely keep coming back here! This place has been so helpful already.
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