lillamy

OK friends, I need encouragement.

We've all been in that place when we go "OK, I'm done. I'm so done. Just leave me over there by the dumpster and I will sit here and rot because I'm done. I can't do it anymore. Any of it."

Tell me where you turn.
Tell me what you do.
Tell me what you think about.
Tell me what you tell yourself.

I'm not there yet, but I'm standing in front of this mountain of HELL and I have to climb it. So I know I'll reach that point of "F it all" in the next few days, weeks, or months. I've been there before and I hate that place and I want to arrive at it fully armed and ready to fight back.

So -- what's in your arsenal? Share. Please.

MissFixit

I slow down and rationally think through the situation's worst case scenario and how I can survive that. If I have a plan to get through the worst case, then whatever happens I will be okay. I also make the CHOICE that I will get through something.

Whats going on? Things sound dire.

FireSprite

It's rare that I see something coming & can prepare for it emotionally like this - I usually get to the "F" it point as a reaction after I've been in the emotional muck for a while; so WOOHOO for foresight Lilliamy!

If it's something I can divide into chunks & build in regular breaks that can be helpful.

I also keep my Recovery Checklist in my journal so I can remind myself to HALT, put on my oxygen mask, Detach, Accept, Realistic Expectations, etc.

ETA - and now I want to watch Goonies again this weekend, thanks Which brings up a great point - feel good music & movies. Pre-load your ipod with happy, bouncy, positive music & set your Netflix account for movies & shows that let your mind escape into happy fantasy world for a while.

hopeful4

Awe my friend, I am sorry you are experiencing hardship.

I would say go back to one baby step at a time. Focus on getting through that very moment, then do something very kind to yourself. Be aware of how you feel. Keep your face to face and SR support system wide open.

I go to church. I also reach out and put my focus into helping others which takes my focus off me.

Tight Hugs my friend!

unsureoffuture

For me, its taking a step back and to just ignore whatever the hardship is at the moment and put the focus on something that makes me happy. I will go to a movie by myself, lunch with a friend-anything that takes my mind off of it for a bit. When it seems overwhelming like I just cant take it, its my body telling me I need a break. That little tiny breather always gives me strength and a new perspective on things. I also use my Alanon tools.

lillamy

That's what my husband does, too. And, he said "do it for one thing at a time. Don't do it for the rest of your life, because that'll be a tad overwhelming."

Thank you for the ideas -- they are all good solid plans!

lizatola

I say this over and over:
"This too shall pass, this too shall pass...." Until I'm tired of listening to it in my own mind and I accept it as reality!

I'm sorry that you are having issues and difficulties. Doesn't it suck that recovery can't fix all our problems at once? I wish it was like a magic wand that I could wave and make all my problems disappear forever....and then I think.....what fun would that be, LOL?

Hugs to you today!

robgt350

i learned that. at times i slow down to the hour and plan each one to stay sober.
i heard a guy in AA say you cannot eat a whole pie in one bite, but you can eat whole pie bite by bite bye bite. and i at times see this is my way to sobriety

maia1234

I'm sorry that you are having a rough time. We all have been there and ALL understand. Realize you are not alone and try to take 1 minute at a time. You don't have to make any decisions while you are in the 'crazy" state you are in. Deep Breaths!!

Like Lizatola said "this to shall pass", (I hate to say), Guaranteed there will be another crisis down the road. Try to find peace ....

theuncertainty

Like FireSprite, I don't see it coming until I'm in it. When I (finally) recognize it, I force myself to take a break. A movie with friends, my sister or DS; walking through a favorite antique store; a hike back around Hatcher's Pass and the Little Susitna River; anything to recharge my batteries and to take care of any HALT problems. I've found I can't really focus on taking things step-by-step when I'm dragging around and/or scattered. And really, when I'm overwhelmed, I'm not really seeing the true picture.

Sending (((((hugs)))), my friend! You can get through this!

Mags1

Hi lillamy, I usualy turn to my friends here at SR, I write down my problem and then feel all the love and spirit lifting from all our brothers and sisters here on the forum.

Since I don't do booze anymore to escape I go through the scenario of the problem, but once writing it down ,it helps.

Love and peace go with you x

NYCDoglvr

I suggest changing your thinking about yourself. First, you're not a victim. You're not someone who should be left at a dumpster, you're a valuable, good human being who deserves respect and kindness. And you're not done, you're going to keep learning and growing, even though it may not be as fast and painless as you'd like!

schnappi99

"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone"

"Where am I in this?"

"Feelings aren't facts"

listening to an AA/alanon/ACOA speaker recording often provides some perspective.

one of my favs "not my circus, not my monkeys"- read it here on SR, both my boss (RA) and sponsor have started using it.. pretty funny to hear my boss drop it in a meeting when we arrive at a another group's topic.

redatlanta

When I get to the "rot by the dumpster phase" I pray. Your HP - for me its God - I admit that i can longer what is going on in my life and pray for guidance and help. I thank God for all the blessings I have because they are many even in a storm.

It always works .

Stung

I call my therapist. I tell her why I feel worthless (I think that's a fair label for "rotting by the dumpster") and she tells me to be a little easier on myself and reassures me that I have lots of worth.

So, friend, be easy on yourself. I agree that one day at a time is a great reminder here too. Think of your mountain as a series of hills. Or, since you're a runner, just think of the mountain as a nice long interval run. Some intervals are going to tougher but at the end you'll be a faster runner.

m1k3

Hi Lillamy and ((((hugs))) from a long time SR friend. I know from reading your posts and the help you have given me that you are strong, fierce, wonderful person who understands quite well how recovery works. So put all that dumpster talk aside. You are loved by me and many others here that you have helped over the years.

As for what's coming, well it sounds to me like there may be some future tripping going on here. I don't know what's going on but it sounds to me like you are anticipating the worst. What ever happens I am quite sure you will handle it exactly the way it needs to be handled.

Your friend,

lillamy

So here's the thing: When you're working on recovery, you hit plateaus, right? You hit spots where you go "Oh -- I'm sort of OK, I can stop for a while now."

When you have kids, sometimes they force the issues. And as y'all know, when one person in the family is in crisis, it can force the rest of the family to deal with stuff on a time schedule not their own. That's where I'm at. I have a kid who's in big fat crisis. Big time. Worse than I've ever seen. Desperate enough to be throwing herself in wholeheartedly in dealing with things that two therapists and four psychiatrists haven't been able to tease out.

And so I'm dealing with a kid in crisis. (Not alone, professionals are all around.) But her crisis is forcing me to deal with things I hadn't yet. And the double whammy is a damn big deal.

But I'm dealing with it. And I'm dealing with it with prayer, mindfulness, and making sure to take breaks from dealing with it and taking care of myself. I'm... I'm pretty OK with how I'm handling everything. I find that my biggest problem is the routine stuff of life: Eating and sleeping. I'm back to where I was when I left AXH: I can't eat (everything just comes back up, sorry, TMI, I know) and I can't sleep.

But I do try to take a bite here and there. I stay hydrated. Even when I don't sleep, I lie down and listen to guided relaxations on Youtube. I'm handling this crisis much better than any earlier ones. So there is that. I can see progress.

And I so appreciate your good thoughts and words and advice.

I also find that -- does anyone else relate to this? -- I have a damn hard time with people who are pitying me. I guess it's that codie "I can do it all leave me alone I don't need your help because I am the one who's supposed to help people" thing, huh?

The person most helpful to me today was an old friend who said "You're catching me in the middle of a panic attack -- I'm in hell right now, I don't know why I even answered the phone." Because she made me feel less alone.

As you all do.

ladyscribbler

I guess it was the right time, if this is what I'm thinking of. Her therapist told you the SA stuff comes out in its own time. At least there is a support system in place- thanks to your diligence as a mother. As upset as you are, you're not denying and trying to convince her to sweep it under the rug for the sake of family reputation or on account of your own unfounded guilt. Please don't minimize that. It is huge. I never had that kind of validation. I know it would have made all the difference in the world to me.
If I'm mistaken then I apologize, but I have followed your story here, and remember you mentioning the suspicion in previous posts.
I hope that you and your family find peace. People do heal from this. The crisis is the first step in the healing process. Sending strength and healing to you and your family. Big hugs to you all.

SoaringSpirits

I ask myself if the thing that's worrying me will matter in one year.
If yes, then I give myself permission to worry and try to figure it out.
If no, then I try to let it go.

I've found this to be a good way to give the worries some sort of hierarchy!

Santa

YES! I avoid talking to my mom sometimes because I can't stand to hear the pity in her voice. I don't think it's codie not to want to be an object of pity.

And I know exactly what you mean about kids' crises forcing some issues. It was a crisis with my then-teenage daughter that brought the situation with then-AH to a head and forced me to face up to it.