Feeling better.
 

I'm meeting with lawyer today. I'm ready for it.

I am so glad I drove up to my parents' last night because drunk AH showed up at my apartment last night around midnight, looking for me to help him get his phone to work. The kids would have been woken up and scared.

I spoke to my sister and my mom this morning and told them the truth, that I am scared and that AH is spiraling downward. My mom said she loves him like a son but that I have to do what's best for my boys and myself. I have to get away from this situation. My dad knows people at the school district up there and he is calling them this morning about getting my son into first grade there. His cousin is in that class already, so he'll know someone. There is a clause in my lease that lets me out with an early termination penalty so I will be doing that. I can stay at my job for the next two months and commute so that I can save up the money to get my own place and look for closer work. My parents said if I need their support to work less and finish up my schooling they will help me with the boys.

This feels right. I have to let him hit rock bottom, and whatever that entails. Now, I will have some distance there and I won't have to count on him.

I'm glad to hear you feel calmer and have a plan. None of this is ever easy. Taking it one step at a time, one day at a time, and trying not to future trip is the only way to get through it. (((hugs)))

Great News! Now, you know how this cycle works. Block him.

We don't want lovey dovey sad and needy husband derailing what sounds like the perfect plan.

That's EXACTLY what he'll do. He'll snap out of this bender when he has to go to work next week. Then, it'll be all the promises of change. The other day, my sister said "You need to proceed as if he's NEVER getting better." She's right. There is no reason to believe this cycle won't continue indefinitely. I can't deal with the instability anymore. I can't count on him. I was trying to protect my kids from losing their dad to an overdose or something else but it's time to face facts that I can't do that. I have to just let this happen.

I'm glad that you will no longer be isolated. You will be surrounded by support and family, have help with your kids and not be harrassed or threatened "to put on my boxing gloves and beat your face in". (you can handle mama).

he was driving drunk last night if he came to your house at midnight. You stated he is losing clients from his business. He is going to get worse, before he may get better.

Yep. Until one day, when he doesn't.

I think Jarp's posts about her AH's rapid descent from "high functioning" to "barely functioning" are very enlightening in showing us how fast things change once they start to spiral down quickly.

I'm glad you're getting some help Emmy, you deserve some peace. (((hugs)))

He said he walked to my house, so he would have had to take a main road, stumbling drunk. He is missing a lot of work. And he is supposed to serve his 6-day DUI sentence (finally) starting next week, so if he doesn't show up for that he's in trouble.
He's imploding, and I have to let it happen. I've been protecting him
for so long. If he wanted to, he could check himself into rehab right now.
I make good money, I can support myself and the kids, and I have my parents. His parents have money, they could see him through. We have good health insurance. There are no excuses.

Emmy....I am so happy that you are doing this.

You are right, he has the opportunity, he is simply not taking it. His circus, his monkeys.

XXX

Yep, and I have two precious little monkeys of my own to take care of. I'm bummed that I have to uproot them, but this is for the best long-term. I've already got an appointment to view a condo that was recently renovated and is twice as big as our current place, but half the rent. AH and I lived in that complex when we first got married and I loved it there. They will also spend more time with my family and less time in child care.
It'll be better all around.

Yes, it will be! The good thing about kids is that they really adapt quickly. Super great my dear friend!

Thank you for the support. It means the world to me. I am so thankful every day that I found this site four years ago.

You guys mean the world to me also! XXXX

Good luck Emmy! My AH went from high functioning to barely functioning very quickly too and now back to ok functioning. It's the roller coaster I need to get off of. Your sister was right. He is not better and that train will derail again soon as the cycles continue. Do what is best for you an your kids. Stay strong!! You got this.

It's just so HARD to watch. Like last night, in between the drunken voice mails are the "normal AH" voice mails where he sounds like himself. That's what's so disturbing. He's so clearly self-medicating. But he has to find a way out on his own.

Congratulations on having the courage to ask for help and make changes in your life! God bless!

I am so proud of you!! Only took me 34 years to get the courage to walk. You can see by all people on this site that we all suffer, and mostly in silence. You did everything perfect about improving you and your kids lives. My kids suffered way to long with the craziness, not fair to them or me.

You realized it will never change, never does. It was the perfect storm for you to have the courage to be open with your family and uproot your kids to a better place. Stay with your parents so your A won't come and bother you there. You have their support. You are in my prayers, that you can stay strong and do whats best for you!!!

It sounds like you have a good plan in place. I am so glad your family is being supportive. Sending love and positive thoughts your way.

This is a solid plan. Good for you!

Here's my only issue. I need to act quickly to make this happen. Primarily, I need to get my boys' schools changed. I can do that right away, but it is a big decision. AH has told me during sober times that if I feel I need to move near my parents, he would be supportive. It just feels weird doing this while he's drunk. He is not in his right mind, though, for a week now. I just have to do this right? I can't wait for him. I need to do it before we get further on in the school year. It's his fault anyway.

EmmyG.....you don't need to wait for him to get sober to do the right thing for your kids. You have to be a good parent 24/7. You really don't get any other option.......

dandylion