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Afraid. Stressed. Feeling alone.

Old 09-25-2014, 08:15 PM
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Afraid. Stressed. Feeling alone.

I have an actual in-person meeting an attorney tomorrow. I'm terrified. This is a huge step. I'm scared of the repercussions.

I was doing homework with my first grader and left my phone on the charger in the other room. When I went back to check it I had a bunch of missed calls from AH. He is drunk and off his rocker again. He said the police turned off his iphone so he was calling from a pay-as-you-go phone he had. He said the police are after him trying to set him up.

I can't live like this anymore. I want my life back. He is destroying me. I am his hostage still. I am frozen. I have to go to work tomorrow because I missed a day due to this crap already this week. I don't think he will show up at my place or anything. I'm just afraid to take the official step of getting a restraining order so he has to leave me alone. I don't know what will happen if I try to keep the kids from him. He's not trying to see them right now, he never does when he's on a bender. I am just tired of all of it. I can't be in this mess anymore. I'm exhausted. My life is passing me by. My kids need a fully present mom. I can't pretend that his 2 weeks-at-a-time of normalcy is "normal" anymore. He's being a terrible father by doing this and he's mentally ill. I just listened to the voice mails I have saved of his drunken gibberish over the last six months. This is enough. It has to end. I have to save my boys and myself from this nightmare.

What happens now. Do I move away from him? What if the courts don't see him as a threat to the kids and I have to send them to him? He doesn't drink when he has them but what if he starts? I'm keeping them from him right now but what if he keeps getting worse and he pulls this while he has visitation?

Why did I have children with this man. Why did I turn a blind eye and not see the signs? I'm paying the price. Big time.
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Old 09-25-2014, 08:28 PM
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Sending you hugs. I wish I had advice to give.
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Old 09-25-2014, 08:51 PM
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He just called and told me if I didn't come over to his house he was going to put his boxing gloves on and come "beat your face in." I called my mom and took the kids and we're going up to my parents' for the night. I'm not taking them to school tomorrow at the risk of him showing up there. I'll have to drive two hours to work but at least I'll have peace of mind. One thing is for sure, I'm not living like this anymore and it's time he becomes accountable for his drunken threats. He can't torture me like this anymore. I cleared my extra voice mails so I will have plenty of room to save the threats he leaves me tonight.
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Old 09-25-2014, 08:57 PM
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((((((EG))))))) For your own sanity, try not to project too far into the future, with 'what ifs'. Just take good legal and DV advice and do what you think is best for you and the kids, step by step. Even write the steps down and concentrate, one at a time.
If you need a break from the calls and insanity, and you have good records, I'm sure the court will help you. Your AH may only be a few moves away from being institutionalised, and that could be the break he needs.
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Old 09-25-2014, 08:58 PM
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Emmy, I am thankful you can head to your parents' home. As for the muck, one step at a time. Hugs!
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Old 09-25-2014, 09:14 PM
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Emmy our posts crossed. At least you have the extra incentive now to take action, not that it's much comfort. Thinking of you.
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Old 09-25-2014, 09:29 PM
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Emmy, I am so sorry you are going through this. I think without a doubt you should be granted a restraining order. Your fear comes across in your post. I can relate so closely to what you are going through, down to the frontal lobe part. Hugs
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Old 09-25-2014, 09:34 PM
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Please do not overwhelm yourself. One step at a time. I too have a child with my deteriorating separated AH. You have to protect yourself and your boys. He is sick. It is so painful to see your husband in the same body and face but he is no longer there. Grieve for him. Make choices that make you feel empowered. As cliche as it sounds, Emmy...it really is his loss. He misses out on the loving wife and the moments in his boys lives. He chose that...not you. Take care of yourself.
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Old 09-25-2014, 09:39 PM
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Sorry I don't have much advice to give other than I understand your fear and just take things one step at a time, one foot in front of the other and continue to think with your head not your heart as you go through this. Sending hugs and prayers.
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Old 09-25-2014, 09:48 PM
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Emmy - making threatening phone calls is against the law. I truly hope you will consider calling the police. It's past time to get this ball rolling, it's the only way to keep your boys truly safe. Unfortunately, our judgement becomes very skewed when it comes to our AH's so please take the advice from people you trust very seriously.

One minute at a time and stay safe Emmy.
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Old 09-25-2014, 10:49 PM
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Getting a PO can't be worse than living with harassment and threats. A temporary PO is quite easy to obtain. Like you I had the voicemails and was granted a PO for myself and my son on the spot. It didn't matter that he had never actually hit me. The threats were more than enough.

You can get help with this from the DV hotline if you are unsure how to proceed. Your lawyer can also advise you so it is great that you have that set up. I also think once you meet with your lawyer and understand your rights it will be a huge weight off your shoulders.
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Old 09-25-2014, 11:27 PM
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Yes, I am doing all of these things now. It's overdue. I have to concede and finally admit that this is not going to get better. He is sick. It is sad to see. He hates himself so much. He is NOT the man I knew. That man is withering away. His brain is not right. BUT that doesn't justify his actions. It occurred to me tonight while I was driving up here that I am the surrogate for his pain. I am the punching bag. It's only me. His family is far away. I can't be that anymore. It's like being another person's life support. He can't do this to me anymore. No more threats, no more nasty phone calls. I have to take my power back. I have to make the hard decisions.
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Old 09-26-2014, 03:05 AM
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It is called telephonic harassment and I think it is a felony, but could be mistaken. I do know they can do time in jail for it, however. Be safe. Keep you and your children safe.
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