dont even know where to start...

Old 09-25-2014, 10:07 AM
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dont even know where to start...

so ill try to make this brief and feedback would seriously help me emencely on the journey im on. my mother was a drug addict until I was about 16. she successfully kicked drugs. but then got involved with her boyfriend who is a real winner. she then began drinking with him about 3 years ago and living with him they pretty much don't pay the bills and sit around and drink all day. she sells her medication to make money. and is in horrible shape.

although my mom has done some pretty awful things and put me in some pretty bad situations shes still my mother and I still love her even if I have to put distance between us right now. her addiction to alcohol has gotten so bad shes gained a lot of weight and had some health problems and scares. im 25 years old and at a point where I can say to myself even if everyone else has given up on her I still need to try atleast once in a big way to get her the help she needs. I worry every single day about when I will get the call that she is dead and its a call I don't ever want to get.

today I woke up with fresh prospective and did a bunch of phone calls to see what resources are out there. and everything I have looked into has been a dead end. I certainly cant force her to go to a meeting because as they say you cant stop an addict only they will stop when and if they want to. my other ideas have included fileling a section 35 which in massachuetts says that she is a danger to herself and others and puts her in rehab for a month but to me that seems incredibly harsh and forcing an addict will just make it worse. my final idea which is one im keene on is doing an intervention. I made a couple of phone calls and they were telling me they cost up to 5000 dollars something I just don't have as someone who just graduated and I don't know anyone in my family who has that kind of money. and at the moment im stuck I really just don't even know where to go from here.

if anyone has any good resoruces or advise it would be much appreciated.

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ladyscribbler (09-25-2014)
Old 09-25-2014, 10:23 AM
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Alanon meetings. For you. Your mother is going to do what she is going to do. Even if you had unlimited resources to try to get help for her, it would be a waste unless SHE really wanted to stop for her own sake.
I grew up in an alcoholic household, and it is really hard to be a child in an environment where you are made to be a caretaker for irresponsible adults. That means adult children of alcoholics/addicts tend to take on responsibility for fixing other people, even when those people don't want to be fixed.
Your mother is an adult. You can't make her get help, and if she wanted help, there are almost unlimited resources for her to start recovering.
You can help yourself, so that you don't seek out dysfunctional "fixer-upper" type people for your future relationships.
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honeypig (09-25-2014)
Old 09-25-2014, 10:25 AM
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kris, welcome to SR. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. SR is a great place to come for support when dealing with addiction and/or alcoholism.

The first thing I'd suggest is for you to read here as much as you can. Don't miss the stickies at the top of the page. One of the threads from that section that you might find helpful is this one:

Another thing you will probably find helpful is Alanon. It's a wonderful resource for both education and support for the family and friends of alcoholics. The combination of Alanon for face-to-face support and SR the rest of the time has been a powerful one for me.

I know you want to help your mom, but I think you already know the answer--you can't help her unless she WANTS help. Even if you somehow scrounge the money for an intervention, even if you decide a psychiatric commitment is not "too harsh", you simply cannot force her to get sober. You say she kicked drugs, so she IS aware of how to go about finding recovery if she wants it.

The one person you can definitely help is yourself, and that is what both SR and Alanon will work with--how to focus on yourself and your needs, how you can be happy and peaceful regardless of what your mom is or isn't doing. That might sound heartless or downright crazy right now, but as you learn more, you'll start to understand.

Stop in here frequently, read, post, get involved w/Alanon, and see if things don't begin to look different in time.

Wishing you strength and clarity.
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