Blogs


Notices

he's finally moving out...

Old 09-25-2014, 09:46 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Kboys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 980
he's finally moving out...

So I guess I finally have made myself clear enough, and I haven't backed down yet. AH called about an apartment, and apparently he's going to be able to move in tonight. He has no money, and doesn't get paid until tomorrow, but even that won't be enough to cover the deposit and rent, so I'm really not sure how that's supposed to work, but he talks a good game, so guess he was able to work it.

I know at this point it is the right thing to do. I have given him chance after chance, and have gotten my hopes up over and over, only to be disappointed. I know I don't want to live this way anymore, so I know it's the right thing. I know nothing is going to change if nothing changes.

I worry about my ability to stay strong and not give in to him. But so far today he has made it pretty easy. He hasn't argued, or tried to convince me. He just left and said "I love you." And he's coming by to get some things after work. He's finally sober this morning after five days of a non-stop binge.

I also worry, as horrible as this sounds, that he will actually succeed on his own without me. He will have to pay rent and his own bills, and won't be able to count on me for that, so he will have to save his paychecks instead of spending them on vodka and at the bar, in order to maintain his own residence. Will he actually be able to do that? I doubt it, at least not for long, but I don't know. My hope is that he does, and that we are able to eventually have a relationship again. But what if he succeeds and finds someone else in the mean time? Then he will have been right all along, that all his problems were my fault.

I know in my head that's not true. He has made his own decisions, and I have done the best I could do, in a really really difficult situation, but in the back of my mind I still wonder if maybe I had done things differently, he wouldn't have drank so much, or wouldn't have cheated...
Oh man... just trying to stay strong.
Thank you to anyone who is reading
Kboys is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Kboys For This Useful Post:
ladyscribbler (09-25-2014), sosadandhurt (09-25-2014)
Old 09-25-2014, 10:04 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
I also worry, as horrible as this sounds, that he will actually succeed on his own without me. He will have to pay rent and his own bills, and won't be able to count on me for that, so he will have to save his paychecks instead of spending them on vodka and at the bar, in order to maintain his own residence. Will he actually be able to do that? I doubt it, at least not for long, but I don't know. My hope is that he does, and that we are able to eventually have a relationship again. But what if he succeeds and finds someone else in the mean time? Then he will have been right all along, that all his problems were my fault.
Or, he'll live the high life for a year or 2 and eventually go homeless like my XAH. (Took 3 years after he moved out.) That's where my vote would be.

During this time he found several "someone else" - I felt sorry for them, his first GF was actually a nice person. He put her and her son through hell.
Santa is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Santa For This Useful Post:
desertgirl (09-25-2014), hopeful4 (09-25-2014), Kboys (09-25-2014), ladyscribbler (09-25-2014)
Old 09-25-2014, 10:28 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
SparkleKitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,294
With him leaving, now is a perfect time to concentrate on making yourself, instead of him, the center of your thoughts and attention. Future-tripping the "what-if's" of HIS journey is just distracting you from your own. The person who needs you most is you. Be a good friend to her, and what happens to him will no longer have any power over your well-being.
SparkleKitty is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to SparkleKitty For This Useful Post:
atalose (09-25-2014), BunnyNest (09-25-2014), Kboys (09-25-2014), ladyscribbler (09-25-2014), RollTide (09-25-2014)
Old 09-25-2014, 10:33 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
biminiblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 22,504
He broke it.

You need to find someone who doesn't believe in breaking it. His drinking was his drinking, unless you tied him up and poured it down his throat, it wasn't your fault.

Once I'm done, I'm done. They call me a b!tch...like that's a bad thing.
biminiblue is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to biminiblue For This Useful Post:
hopeful4 (09-25-2014), Kboys (09-25-2014)
Old 09-25-2014, 02:01 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
RollTide's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
" I still wonder if maybe I had done things differently"

It took me a very long time to really understand this: It's not about you or what you did or could have done.

Trying to please my ex was like those stupid e-mails that you get that say "click here". Every time you try to click the subject moves.
RollTide is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to RollTide For This Useful Post:
Kboys (09-25-2014)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:16 PM.