Texts from AH. Feel like I'm having an anxiety attack.
 

I just got the below texts from AH and I can't stop crying. He thinks I had him put on the psych hold. He called ME when the police found him and I told the cop he wasn't suicidal or a threat to anyone. The cop said they would put him in jail or take him to the hospital and that they hadn't decided yet.
I didn't "tell" them he belonged there. I said he had a history with alcohol and bad judgment.

Now he is acting like I've betrayed him in the worst way. I'm not so upset by the fact that he wants a divorce, I'm upset because I know it's going to get ugly now. I don't need this. It's all stressful enough. Why does he have to do this to me?? I feel like taking the boys and running...


"The shrink said I've got form for this. He said you told him that. And he said the nut house was the best place for me right now. That's what he said. He said you told him that. The phone is going off tomorrow. Both lines. You can pay me in installments for your line early cancelation. Drop my computer off at my house leave it on the porch. Your not welcome in my house again. Don't ever phone me again. If it is an emergency or about kids text me in my be number if I give it u. If not email it or write it in a letter. You betrayed me. The ultimate betrayal. And you brought the kids to see me like that. You were the final factor in them keeping me. They told me that themselves. And how would they know so much personal stuff if you hadn't told em. So that's it. Leave me alone. When the time is right I'll send you my forwarding address. Don't waste your time phoning I won't answer. And don't speak to my mom or anyone this is my business."

"The shrink told me. And they said because I was on a hold I could not refuse any tests or leave within 48 hours. Or I would be restrained and arrested. They told me you were scared of me and what I might do and I've done things in the past. Leave me alone now. I am never talking to you again unless it's a pressing matter to so with the kids. In bit."

And I didn't "bring the kids to see him" like that. I was locked out of his house and our dogs were inside. I had to get the keys from him. I was in and out in two seconds and didn't even take the boys into the room.

Hm. Perhaps it's time to get a restraining order. I think that text would probably be enough... and you know that you weren't the cause - he's just lashing out.

Be safe. It was going to get ugly regardless. It always does. Have faith.
And FWIW, I doubt that will be the last you hear from him, although it might be a godsend if it were.

Hugs

Yes. Maybe this is the painful part, but it was inevitable.

DMC read my mind, Emmy, It was going to "get ugly" regardless of anything you did or didn't do.

He's yanking your chain. Look at that text. It's riddled with control statements. Don't do this, and don't do that, and I'm gonna do this and quack, quack quack.

He's a man who is losing control and he's trying to prove to himself that he still has control over the one person he's always been able to manipulate. You.

sigh...people don't get thrown in the psych ward just cuz somebody says so....he was mentally unhinged at the time the cops caught up with him - if I recall, drunk out of his mind and running in and out of people's yards. there was obviously good reason to hold him.....his BEHAVIOR determined that.

me personally I don't take anything that someone who has the history THIS guy has to heart - except to take every precautionary measure to protect yourself. in the anvilhead vernacular - dude is a whack job. and is placing all the blame on YOU, not one moment of his own behavior.

if it were me....which I know it is not....i'd be at the attorney's office with a quickness. i'd be proactive and put as much distance, legally and otherwise, as I could from this man. i'd strongly consider a protection order. I wouldn't feel bad, i'd feel vindicated and highly motivated.

I just sent an email to a family law attorney I used to work for years ago. She is really good and I know she'll give me good advice. In all honesty, I've been trying to keep things amicable because I don't want to deal with him angry. And I wanted to keep the boys with me as much as possible. I'm afraid now I won't be able to do that. I didn't want to have to get the courts involved but he's leaving me no choice. I can only think about the kids.

amicable only works with amicable people. your AH is NOT one of those.
i'm pretty sure his history and RECENT EVENTS will work in your favor if you strike NOW. the longer you delay, the less impact it will have.

your AH is a threat to your sanity, safety and security and is a threat to his own children due to his increasing instability. so you protect yourself as you would with ANY OTHER threat.

people don't get thrown in the psych ward just cuz somebody says so

This. My mom suffers from paranoid schizophrenia and we have tried to have her involuntarily committed on a couple of occasions when she was behaving erratically, but were never able to do so, and my mom is seriously mentally ill. The criteria for involuntary commitment are very specific. Unless the individual is deemed a danger to themselves or others it's not going to happen.
None of this is about you, no matter how personal he tries to make it. Denial is a hallmark symptom of many mental illnesses, just like with alcoholism, so you're dealing with a double whammy here. I know how hurtful it is, because the accusations feel so personal, but it really is his diseases talking.
You are taking the right steps to protect yourself and your children.

father of the year has shown you who he is...paranoid and losing it. Get legal representation NOW.. get child support down on paper NOW, the man is threatening you with your cell phone...he is losing it.

you are entitle to support $$ WEEKLY for the kids well being... it is not his whim to give and dole it out as he see you are good or bad,

check the bank accounts, what has he spent on Coke? and booze, remove as much $$ as you can safely,, you are gonna need it.

oh and feel free to tell his sainted mama in England that he has taken a dive downhill.

Put the power back in your court & go no contact.
He's quacking & you deserve better.
Take steps to a brighter future.
Hugs.

I just called my sister (poor thing she's in Vegas I'm sure she loves hearing about this) and told her everything. I'm not crying. I am going to look at this as a blessing, because it pushes me into the divorce and I was holding back from doing that.

Be strong Emmy, we're with you all the way.x

Quack.

Here's how I see it Emmy... this is your Get Out of Jail Free card.

He has given you every reason to walk away without guilt & with documented evidence of his instability. And the best part is that it's just him being him - this is WHO HE IS, it's his pattern, this is not the 1st time you've been down this road with his coke & alcohol laced psychotic binges. This is 110% HIM and that realllllly peeves him off right now which is why he's lashing out at you.

Don't buy into it, it's verbal garbage.

ETA - but save those messages & file for an order of protection, pronto, with that evidence.

Put all of his texts/emails, etc. into a folder and copy that folder for your attorney. DO NOT respond to him. Get legal representation and do whatever you have to do in order to protect yourself and your children.

Em, Anvil is so right. I begged the cops to put my ex on a 72 hour psych hold several times -- and they said they couldn't do it because when they talked to him, he seemed totally balanced and lucid and sane.

It takes a lot for them to do something like that. He's quacking and lashing out at you because you're closest. Don't take it personally. But please do consider a restraining order.

Thanks, lilamy. I respect your opinion. What grounds do you think I have for a restraining order? I'm waiting to hear back from the attorney.
Do you think the texts and police involvement are enough?

Eeeeiiiiccch.... I believe the key is that you are fearing for your life.

I believe that exact wording was the magic bullets for me (I should know this because God knows I've had enough of those...). It's not just his actions but the history and how it made you feel. If you can bring up that he's physically attacked you in the past, it might be enough. Depends a lot on the judge/magistrate -- I had to put up a whole lot more explanations for the male judges than the female ones...

I guess I'm just afraid. He is scary at times. I'm afraid if I go all the way against him he'll hurt me. He doesn't like when I say I'm afraid. He likes to minimize the times he's been physical, as abusers do. And he likes to talk big about his brother back home, who has a criminal history. Although, to be honest, I think his brother would take my side in all of this.
I'm dealing with someone who has a serious screw loose, and it's progressing. So I'm trying to tread carefully while still protecting my children.
I've been trying to minimize the drama in the situation, but he's not leaving me any choice but to use everything I have to fight him. I've used up all the good will I had toward him. Now, I just want him far away from us so I can salvage what I can and give my boys the best life possible.

No advice, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear how things are playing out and how scared you are. I know how hard it is when ho are dealing with several illnesses or comorbidities at once, and that frontal lobe issue is not to be underestimated. You are doing the right thing by getting him far away and keeping him away from your boys. Take good care of yourself.