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Texts from AH. Feel like I'm having an anxiety attack.

Old 09-25-2014, 04:40 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Strength and hugs.

God takes care of us in strange ways - sometimes when we are unable to do for ourselves what's best, he presents a situation that forces us to do exactly that.

Now its up to you. I hope you heed the advice of getting restraining order.

I am convinced that at the core of an abuser is extreme weakness. They abuse(among other reasons) to cover their weakness. Bullies are like that too. As long as you act out of fear, such as not protecting yourself because you are afraid it will anger him, you are doing things that are not in your best interest.

He got locked up in a psyche ward because he is crazy it has nothing to do with you. If we were that powerful sheesh…. My RAH overdosed very early in our relationship. He was definitely having mental issues (undiagnosed bipolar) I TRIED to get them to commit him for 3 days NO LUCK. They did so for 8 hours and let him go saying he was mildly depressed. Uh huh.
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Old 09-25-2014, 04:47 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by EmmyG View Post
Thanks, lilamy. I respect your opinion. What grounds do you think I have for a restraining order? I'm waiting to hear back from the attorney.
Do you think the texts and police involvement are enough?
HOW ABOUT THE FACT THAT HE TRIED TO CHOKE YOU IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN?

did the police advise you to take out a RO at that time?

I hope that you do not minimize his capacity of violence. when he is good, it seems that you try to stretch that he can behave normally. but he has escalated by using cocaine, alcohol and erratic behavior. Sooner or later, it will place your kids in danger. you don't want to be back tracking at that point.

I know you are afraid of him, but he is a sick bully, but a bully non the less. Bullies need to be stood up to. you have the law on your side and you work in the court system. Don't be afraid to stand up and protect yourself and the kids. it's your responsibility as the sane parent.
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Old 09-25-2014, 05:38 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Emmy, as the others have said, there was almost no chance it wasn't going to get ugly. Because he's unbalanced and lashing out you have the advantage of a cool head. Use legal advice and other tools, don't engage emotionally at all, and don't try and defend yourself (waste of time). Make him scared of you for once.
I've been on the other end of an angry husband but I waited it out and he eventually got the message that I wasn't going to budge.
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Old 09-25-2014, 06:11 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Be totally honest about EVERYTHING with your attorney and the police and the Judge.

It is not given to you, now, to decide what goes on the record and what does not. It is not given to you to anticipate or try to control the results of what may happen to him by telling or not telling certain incidents.

Tell the truth, all of it, and let the chips fall where they may.

The situation you are in - afraid to tell it all because of reprisals - is just the kind of situation where you need to put it all on the table in order to be safe.

It sounds like talking to domestic violence people is also the thing to do right now.

Get your attorney ASAP, and do what you have to do to protect you and your kids. You are still linked into the mindset of "What will HE think and what will HE do if I disobey/disrespect him?"

It is time to let him go, including in your thoughts and mindset. He did what ever he did. He is accountable for everything he did and accountable for threatening you.

I was in this place, too, and I could not get my head around this kind of advice because I was still under his spell. Let your attorney and the police and the Judge take care of you; they can see better right now than you can.

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Old 09-25-2014, 06:17 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Emmy honey, it's time. Now the time is ripe to go for full custody, supervised visits only if any. I am sorry you are hurting, but this man is fully off his rocker. Get away and save yourself and your kids.

There is NO ONE with the power to be able to put someone else into a psych hold. They ONLY do that when they are a danger to themselves and/or others. That should be your reply EVERY SINGLE TIME anyone says anything about it. Unless you turned into a doctor overnight, that cannot happen.

Sending much love your way!

XXX
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Old 09-25-2014, 06:23 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Emmy I get the feeling you are teetering on the fence about all this. That scares me. I would have had that order put in place IMMEDIATLEY.

As all have said he is losing it. You have to stop trying to be nice and amicable and for lack of a better word wishy-washy.

You have children to protect and obviously yourself. There are resources and people to help you out. You need to utilize them and get him away from you.
I would have changed my number by now.

Please don't become a statistic. I don't mean to scare you , but if it saves you and your children from this nightmare, well then yeah I think I do.

Stay strong.
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Old 09-25-2014, 06:47 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Sounds exactly like quacking from my ex.
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Old 09-25-2014, 07:50 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Ok, I missed the bit where he grabbed you by the throat. This is not "choking." This is strangulation. It's a terminology issue, but it is a big deal. It's a FELONY in many states, a strong predictor of future homicide, and a BIG red flag as part of a lethality assessment. Yes, you need a restraining order. And yes, he is unhinged. And please call your local DV shelter to discuss options - it doesn't mean you have to go there, but they will give you help and options. ShootingStar nails it again. Please listen...

Be safe.
72 hour holds are just that - normally not all that long. Time to circle the wagons.
Hugs,
D
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