marblack

I am so emotionally tired. My ex-b.f has announced he is going sober. He sees what his drinking has cI aused him. His family, his home. Just a few days ago he told me he was working on his sobriety. Then one of his family members found him drunk. He told me yesterday, he went home and found a bottle of brandy. He thought to himself he could consume it then he thought what it had caused him. He cracked it and poured it out. This isn't the first time he has been sober. He wants me to give this relationship a 90 day trial run. To me this sounds so far out there. I feel like I have been strapped to a emotional rollercoaster. And I cann't get off. I know who he is capable of being. I cann't go back to our lifestyle, it contains to much pain for me. I allowed him to abuse me (mentallly Verbally physically.) For years I took it. To him I feel he thinks it wasn't that big of an ordeal. Its a big thing to me. I would come home from working. He would have drank himself into the beast and I would have to plan a escape route for me and the kids. I would take the kids out of the house for dinner and Target. Hoping he would be passed out upon our return. He got hauled to detox (second time in 2 months) last week. I called the cops after he hit me. Once again he was the drunken beast. I have a restraining order going into effect. To protect him from picking the baby up at daycare. I do feel bad for him.I feel me being on my own is my safety. Its my safe place being away from him. Then he comes crying to me. Announces he has been sober for 2 days. I feel guilty for not buying it this time. My heart is harden for him. I used to really love him..and just wanted to fix his life. I have came to realize after 4 years I cann't fix him. I have stopped enabling him. I am surprised how I have pulled back from him. Has anyone been thru this?????? If you have could you please share your ordeal. How should I handle situation? Thanks for being there Friends. Mary

Gabe

Mary, you are handling the situation just fine. You've gotten yourself and your child out of an unsafe environment. That took a lot of courage. Try not to let yourself live in the guilt for too long. You have good reasons for not buying what he's trying to sell you.
Hugs,
Gabe

bikewench

Hey Mary...

Sounds like your making all the right moves.

It's one thing for a person to lose his/her life to an addiction... but it's up to every other person to decide if their going to go down with them.

To me... feeling chronic unhappiness and fear around someone using is a double tragedy... and of course... children should be protected from abuse.

2 days sobriety is nothing but a hangover.... so I say wait him out.

myles1

Keep doing what you are doing and do what is right for YOU! If you want to stay seperated for a long time (which it sounds like you do) than do it and to heck with him.

He's trying to manipulate his way back in.

2 days is nothing. He's got bargaining power when he's sober 2 years lets say.

Ngaire

Kittycat

Mary ...For sure you are doing the right thing! I had to do the unthinkable and have my husband "A" removed from my home by the police. It was ugly However...we seperated...and he really went down the tubes, he came as near to death as you can come ....and went into rehab. He has been sober almost 1year and 3/4 ...he goes to AA all of the time. Life is not 100% for me..but he is sober. There is hope..but be not afraid to take care of YOU. You and you child are first...I learned that after being with all of these good people here on the boards..YOU CAN NOT CHANGE THEM///JUST LET GO
Much love
Kittycat

HOPEFULL

hi mary sorry to hear your pain and sadness. i am a little confused and i do not want to give you my two cents unless i am clear,., did you leave him already.. do you live away from him.. ? if so how often do you see him?
are you divorced? what is the situation exactly?

marblack

We lived together for 4 years. Now we are living apart. I just talked to him tonight. Friday he has to move. He told me he is going to come back home. The house is in my name. He paid most of the down payment on the house. He thinks he is enititled to 50 percent of the house. Friday he announces he will move in the basement. He wants to live with me for 60 days, so he can get back on his feet. Yikes...I am feeling really blue. Can he legally do this?Anyone know. Mary

Kittycat

I am not sure of the laws in your state... I had a restraining order..he had to stay out.
Love Kitty

myles1

No he can't. Get yourself to a lawyer.

Ngaire

DefofLov

Be strong. Do not let this man abuse you any longer. He has no legal right to be in your house unless you let him. Put yourself and your child before him. He has to earn your trust and he has to work on his self. I mean he really really has to work hard for that trust.

No, he does not "announce" that he is moving into your house, he proves his worth and works out a compromise with you first.

If you do not want to be with this man and you need time to yourself to heal from the abuse he inflicted on you, then you do just that. He was not your husband and your are not bound to him.

Do not limit your option and do not feel obligated to suffer any longer.

Please be strong. Think of YOUR happiness and YOUR CHILD'S well being.

Nightowl

Some states have common law marriage laws....don't they? I know when my boyfriend moved in I made sure there were no laws in Indiana that would make me liable for any of his debts and vice versa. You should probably consult a lawyer or legal aid of some description. Or do some research on the Net.

But he cannot just waltz back in like that. Of course what he SHOULD do and what he WILL do are probably two different things. If he comes back, can you stay somewhere? Altho I would fight giving up the house. IF it is in your name he is screwed.

Be strong and take care of yourself and your child. He has NO right to abuse you or your children.