Blogs


Notices

Still scratching my head...

Old 09-24-2014, 03:06 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 4
Still scratching my head...

New to the site and soaking all the wisdom up like a sponge! And as I go through my day, questions will pop up seemingly out of thin air...and I feel the need to come ask those that know.

Long story short, I have been divorced 3 years now after being married almost 30. I have moved on with the help of family, friends and therapy, but will still find myself scratching my head some days...

My X's drinking escalated to hiding bottles and bar hopping when he was "at the gym"...and I highly suspect he was dating the barmaid, that he now lives with, then. The details are still sketchy and I am still trying to piece together the puzzle of my life after being blindsided by his leaving...as I never had the benefit of truth and honesty...

I do believe the one thing that will haunt me to my grave is how could someone (literally) abandon a family and all that they've worked for? But, more importantly, do any of them ever live to regret their decision? Although it wouldn't change things, I'd never let him back and he did me a favor by doing so...somehow knowing he would have regrets, would make destroying our family more tolerable...

Thanks for your thoughts!
brokenwon is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to brokenwon For This Useful Post:
dessy (09-24-2014), firebolt (09-24-2014), hopeful4 (09-24-2014)
Old 09-24-2014, 11:17 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
AnvilheadII's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,590
did he really DESTROY the family? or did he just take himself out of any future Christmas photos?

i'm not being flip....but it can really be helpful to adopt Sgt Joe Friday's strategy to stay "just with the facts ma'am, just the facts".
AnvilheadII is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to AnvilheadII For This Useful Post:
firebolt (09-24-2014), honeypig (09-24-2014), stella27 (09-24-2014)
Old 09-24-2014, 11:23 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,566
Blog Entries: 10
I can only say that I know my XAH regrets the RESULTS of his drinking. He still does not see it as the big problem I and my children know it to be. That tells me he has not even hit step #1, coming out of denial. Likely never will. I know he regrets getting caught so much. I know he regrets how he acted at times. However, regret means nothing at all. I was able to move on when I lowered my expectations of him to nothing at all.

XXX
hopeful4 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to hopeful4 For This Useful Post:
firebolt (09-24-2014), honeypig (09-24-2014), PunchDrunk (09-24-2014)
Old 09-24-2014, 11:31 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
SparkleKitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,293
If your ex ever chooses recovery from his addiction, embraces it with all his being, and is one of the very few strong and fortunate souls who are able to maintain it for the rest of his life, he might one day deal with the damage he caused and express regret over it.

But isn't life way too short to spend it waiting for someone else's miracle?

You are perfectly capable of coming to terms with, accepting, and moving past what happened to your family without requiring anything from him. It's not easy, by any stretch, but keep reading here and asking questions.
SparkleKitty is online now  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to SparkleKitty For This Useful Post:
brokenwon (09-28-2014), honeypig (09-24-2014), PunchDrunk (09-24-2014), stella27 (09-24-2014)
Old 09-24-2014, 11:46 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
GracieLou's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Originally Posted by brokenwon View Post
do any of them ever live to regret their decision?
Yes, some do. But only if this happens.....


Originally Posted by SparkleKitty View Post
If your ex ever chooses recovery from his addiction, embraces it with all his being, and is one of the very few strong and fortunate souls who are able to maintain it...
I left out "for the rest of his life" because, as an alcoholic myself I cannot say forever. I live one day at a time. There are no guarantees. I have been sober 549 days today, tomorrow is not promised but if I do the best I can today and continue to do the right thing today, then tomorrow should be good as well.

I can say that I regret the things I have done. I have made verbal amends for them but I continue to be an example and be a living amends to my children.

I never lost them or abandon them but I was not emotionally available for them and I regret that. They deserved a sober mother. I cannot go back and change anything, I can only go forward.

Their father was an alcoholic as well and he died at 49 years old. So some do not make it to sobriety. I am sure he had regrets.

It is not that an alcoholic does not regret what they have done, many active ones do, they just do not know how to get out of the vicious cycle, they don't want to or the are still in denial that they even have a problem.
GracieLou is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to GracieLou For This Useful Post:
firebolt (09-24-2014), honeypig (09-24-2014), SparkleKitty (09-24-2014)
Old 09-24-2014, 11:58 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
SparkleKitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,293
Thank you, GracieLou -- as my recovery is one day at a time, it's very good for me to be reminded that others' is as well.
SparkleKitty is online now  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SparkleKitty For This Useful Post:
GracieLou (09-25-2014), honeypig (09-24-2014)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:52 AM.