his new girlfriend
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
The alcoholic boyfriend left me. Within weeks he was engaged to someone new. She met him online and lives abroad and has met him once, yet is uprooting her children and bringing them to live with him next month.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I've just remained polite and pleasant. To both of them when they have been in contact.
WHY?? why are you ALLOWING yourself to remain involved in his craziness and even going so far as to be cordial to the new fiancee? shut them both out, firmly and give neither another thought.
WHY?? why are you ALLOWING yourself to remain involved in his craziness and even going so far as to be cordial to the new fiancee? shut them both out, firmly and give neither another thought.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
mkay. At first I guessed she was using a user. Meal ticket out of the third world, as it were.
buuttt. Swiss? She may be a nut-job, too. If she thinks this is sensible.
But first ETHICS is Take Care of Kids. So yeah, I would tell her he is an A. Not like you are breaking his AA anonymity or something.
buuttt. Swiss? She may be a nut-job, too. If she thinks this is sensible.
But first ETHICS is Take Care of Kids. So yeah, I would tell her he is an A. Not like you are breaking his AA anonymity or something.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
" ____ and I broke up for very valid, and very private reasons. Please don't contact me again."
And then block them both on FB. There's no reason to have any contact with either of them. Neither one of them is your responsibility.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: FL
Posts: 97
If she is asking you if there is anything "bad" about him- that tells me she already sees warning signs. If it were me, I would eliminate contact with her immediately, as it will most likely lead to you self-incrimination and anxiety and stress.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
I would have hung up after hearing "Hi, I'm your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend."
Then I would have done something similar to NYCDogLover and then hit up an alanon meeting to share the craziness with people who get it.
Asking whether you should contact her is like asking if you want another helping of drama in you life. Do you want more drama?
Then I would have done something similar to NYCDogLover and then hit up an alanon meeting to share the craziness with people who get it.
Asking whether you should contact her is like asking if you want another helping of drama in you life. Do you want more drama?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 339
This new girlfriend obviously has issues of her own not to mention poor boundaries. You don't check references on romantic partners.
I say cut all contact. You don't owe anyone any explanations. Keep yourself sane by staying out of the situation.
I say cut all contact. You don't owe anyone any explanations. Keep yourself sane by staying out of the situation.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: bristol
Posts: 7
I have also considered contacting him and just saying
'your fiance has contacted me and been asking questions about you, and if there is anything bad about you she should know. So I suggest you tell her the truth about yourself, or I will.'
Or leave both well alone. I dont know??? I'm fed up of having them in my head!
'your fiance has contacted me and been asking questions about you, and if there is anything bad about you she should know. So I suggest you tell her the truth about yourself, or I will.'
Or leave both well alone. I dont know??? I'm fed up of having them in my head!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
I disagree with "very private reasons." That's protecting the secret. If you're going to answer her, tell the truth.
If there weren't children involved, I would block her without answering. Because there are, and she's clearly insane to do what she says she is going to do, I agree with Hammer. I would answer, once: he's an alcoholic. Now I'm going to block you because I do not wish to be involved with this.
If there weren't children involved, I would block her without answering. Because there are, and she's clearly insane to do what she says she is going to do, I agree with Hammer. I would answer, once: he's an alcoholic. Now I'm going to block you because I do not wish to be involved with this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Originally Posted by Catherine628 
You don't check references on romantic partners.
A year after my split I attempted dating someone (way too soon for me). Anyway, I had known him for maybe 10 years and he always had a crush on me. I found out after 4-6 weeks of dating "exclusively" that he had a girlfriend in another state (he supposedly had broken up with her). She came to town and stayed with him when I was away for a wedding. Anyway, he lied about her until a friend told me she was his gf and I confronted him. He immediately attacked me. During this time, he told me about some financial troubles he had and he was being sued by someone. OKay. Didn't think it was my business, so I stayed out of that. Well, it turns out that he had over 20 lawsuits against him for various financial misdeeds. I had NO idea. After I found out about his gf and ended things, I looked his name up on our online county clerk website and was in shock by all the pending lawsuits and judgements against him. He seems like a nice person, but he is clearly a con man.
Long story short, my therapist at the time was listening to me tell this story and asked me why I waited so long to check this guy out with another person or online. I said that I had never done that before and thought it was creepy to look someone up. Therapist told me that if I was doing business with someone I would get references or do a background check, so why not do the same with the person who you have the most intimate relationship with.
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