EmmyG

Separated AH has been functioning pretty well. I haven't seen or heard of him drinking, except for the occasional day that he's not around. He's been here for the boys, volunteering at their schools and going to all of the soccer practices. Things have been smooth. We're still separate and I'm happy with the current arrangement. I'm working hard and doing well at my new job, and progressing with my schooling. The boys are doing great. Last week, AH finally got to see a decent neurologist about his ongoing issues. We had terrible insurance before and the doctor he saw was a joke. This one came highly recommended and has a great background at the teaching hospitals here in Los Angeles. He says AH most definitely has a large cyst in his frontal lobe and that he is going to try a few things before draining it, but that it could be causing him a lot of problems for sure.

So today, I'm enjoying my Sunday. Took the boys swimming and got my homework done. A couple of hours ago, I get a call from AH out of the blue. He was supposed to be keeping the boys tonight and taking them to school tomorrow. Anyway he sounds out of breath and says he thinks he was robbed and that he is going to LAX to fly home to England and see his family. I hung up, knowing he was drunk. A few minutes later, a very nice police officer, telling me that he found my husband running in and out of strangers' back yards, acting crazy and paranoid. He said he wasn't threatening a anyone or committing any real crimes, but that they needed to get him out of there. The town he's in is like 25 miles from here and I told the cop I have my boys and I can't drive over there (I'm not ABOUT to put my boys in a car with a drunk father). He said he was going to decide whether to take him to jail for drunk in public or the hospital, and he'd give me a courtesy call to let me know.

I haven't heard anything since. I'm not panicking or anything but I am wondering what drama he's going to bring this time. He is supposed to go out of town for business tomorrow, which means he'll probably let his long-time client down.

I'm so over his stuff. I don't doubt that he has mental illness. That is obvious. But I don't want any part of it anymore. I'm so glad I live in my own house, and I don't have to be packing up my kids to go to a hotel tonight. But he's still there father and I still hate to see him like this. He's just troubled, and he probably always will be.

suki44883

They're just precious, aren't they?

TerpGal

Ugh an addiction on top of a cyst in the frontal lobe? That's a double whammy for sure. Talk about 0 impulse control times infinity. I had an uncle with a frontal lobe cyst and just did the most impulsive things. Like he was going to the beach.......Except he had no car. So he would try walking to the main road (which you can't hail a cab from, you have to call one where he was living). And also not taking into account that walking all that way would not be smart because he couldn't walk very well at the time and having lots of seizures. My dad inevitably got many calls from the police or ER when he had fallen or had a seizure during these escapades.

And he wasn't an alcoholic. I feel for ya.

Stung

Ugh. I'm sorry for your boys. I'm very proud of you though! I think its huge progress that you're not running to rescue him.

Sending you hugs!

EmmyG

Thanks, all I'm SO thankful I'm in such a better place emotionally to handle this kind of stuff.

I got a call an hour ago, and I answered because I thought it was the cop calling me back. It was my husband. He's been put on a 5150 hold. He was upset because he "doesn't belong there." He said the cop told him I said they should put him on a hold. I didn't exactly say that, I just told them that he has a history of erratic behavior when under the influence. But as I told AH, the cops don't put you on a psych hold unless they have a reason. I certainly didn't put him there. Anyway he was calling to ask me to put his dogs in for the night, which I did, because I love those dogs.

He also said he is refusing all tests. Wonderful. I told him we have excellent insurance, so he should take advantage of it. Then, in anger, I said "I just want you away from us." And he said "That can be arranged" and hung up on me. I felt yuck afterward, but I have little to no sympathy anymore. It was sad 7 years ago. Now it's like, the man has plenty of resources, including parents with money. He could go to rehab right now. I make enough to take care of me and the kids. But no, he won't.
So I have no patience left.

SeriousKarma

EmmyG, I'm having a little mini flash back to when my STBXAH was taken out of the house once by his military chain of command for being just a little too crazy.

Funny thing is, what I'm remembering is not an unpleasant feeling but rather a supreme sense of relief that he was somebody else's problem for the night.

Tap in to that feeling if you can and ride it out as long as possible.

EmmyG

Totally! He just left me a message and said he's not getting out tonight and that the psychiatrist told him he has to submit to testing or they'll restrain him and do it anyway. I'm putting the kids to bed, putting on a movie and relaxing!

CodeJob

Emmy, the tone of your post is truly a sign of how far YOU have come. You should be proud of this hard earned detachment!

EmmyG

Thanks! Do you know how HARD detachment has been for me?? A few years ago, I would have been a sobbing mess, either in bed crying or on my way to see him. The fact that I am able to carry on with my night and plan for work and school for the boys tomorrow says everything to me. I wanted to feel this way for so long and it took a lot of small steps but I finally feel like I'm on the other side. I feel CALM. That's all I ever wanted. No panic, no anxiety attack, no feeling of doom or self pity.

SeriousKarma

Yes, we DO know how hard this has been for you. You deserve every that calmness.

hopeful4

I am so proud of you Emmy! You have indeed come so far, this is so good for you and your kids! Ultimately he is not your issue anymore.

I hope the movie was good and glad you got to relax!

Hugs!

FireSprite

This is SO HUGE for you Emmy, my heart just got all warm & fuzzy when I read it. I remember how hard you've struggled, I remember your early posts. You have come a LONG WAY, Baby!!!!