SparkleKitty

Just because we love someone doesn't mean we're compatible with them. To spend the rest of our lives with someone requires more than love. It's really really not enough.

Sikofit

HealthyLiving, I think you're just at the point where you've forgotten the reasons you knew it wouldn't work--you've made yourself ignore all the bad parts of it.

For me, smoking was like this. When I smoked, I always wanted to quit...and then I'd quit, and in a few weeks, I'd forget how bad it smelled, how it made me cough, how I hated the looks I'd get from others while I smoked, how much I worried about my health as I was doing it...

It's taken a few times for me to be able to stay away from it for any length of time--I guess you just have to be ready--and you have to want it. This time, I haven't smoked for 2 yrs, 5 months! I'm not planning on ever going back there again.

But just try not to convince yourself that the relationship with your A wasn't as bad as you thought. There was a reason you left. There's still a reason for you not to go back.

You deserve better.

(Don't be like me--25+ yrs of marriage and 2 kids later to my AH, I'm still here. I wish I'd have gotten out sooner)

FeliciaM

I have extreme sadness since my breakup last week. The letter I wanted to write would be meaningless to him. It would be for my benefit only. the questions I have can't be answered, so at this point there is no point. I need to let by gones, be gone. Yes, I loved him but the relationship grew toxic.

Healthy, you've been so strong and did the best thing for both of you. To quote John Lennon, "Let It Be". Good luck to you and continued strength.

NYCDoglvr

I'm sure you do, but there is nothing you can say or do that will affect his drinking or make the situation better. It's part of the denial we all feel in codependent relationships. My heart goes out to you, I know how painful this is ... and promise that things will get better. You're taking the right steps -- Alanon and therapy -- and hope you keep posting. God bless!