I am back...........Imagine that........
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
I am back...........Imagine that........
Well I looked at my old posts - I was last here in December - shortly after that AH who I was separated from had surgery and almost dies - they thought he had a brain hemorrhage - he called me to hospital - of course I went and he told me I love you - I told him the same of course - as I did- well - guess what my dumb butt did- he promised his near death experience made him realize his life was out of control and he wanted me back. I got a lot of therapy and thought maybe this is his catalyst- things were better but it always takes about 6 months for him to forget - and here it is 9 months - so he made it a little longer - and he walked out on me tonight. Because I would not support his rampage and detached.
We had taken the dog on the boat - nice ride - of course he was having a few - but he was civil and then I came home - he came in about an hour later and it is almost like when his body has enough a switch goes off and he is nuts - Got so abusive and ugly with me I had to throw out my dinner - and the dog and I were both scared which really upset me - you upset my dog - you upset me. He ended up cussing me up one side and down the other- went to bed and then got up and told me I was a f'ing something and left and went back to his Mommy's - 51 year old man - he had been threatening me he would go back to his Mom's last week. He knows I am afraid to be here alone and preys on that . Funny thing- he pays not one bill here - I pay it all - he won't even take out the trash- that started WWII last week and he told me to ask my Fat a%# son to do it - who is in college out of town.
Anyway- He will never change - he chooses it over me - time and time again- for over 15 years I think. I am an idiot and need to figure out why I love him- why I stay what is wrong with me.............I am a broken record and can't tell anyone here as they have heard it before. I have read the books- seen the therapist - tolerate hatred behavior - but live for the little things - which are very few- he has not hugged or kissed me for months - but recently said he would look for sex somewhere else. What is wrong with me- I hate alcohol- I hate it................... I can support myself - I do it now and am successful- my sons love me- I have friends and great people in my life but I put up with this ? Screw it.................... I suck
We had taken the dog on the boat - nice ride - of course he was having a few - but he was civil and then I came home - he came in about an hour later and it is almost like when his body has enough a switch goes off and he is nuts - Got so abusive and ugly with me I had to throw out my dinner - and the dog and I were both scared which really upset me - you upset my dog - you upset me. He ended up cussing me up one side and down the other- went to bed and then got up and told me I was a f'ing something and left and went back to his Mommy's - 51 year old man - he had been threatening me he would go back to his Mom's last week. He knows I am afraid to be here alone and preys on that . Funny thing- he pays not one bill here - I pay it all - he won't even take out the trash- that started WWII last week and he told me to ask my Fat a%# son to do it - who is in college out of town.
Anyway- He will never change - he chooses it over me - time and time again- for over 15 years I think. I am an idiot and need to figure out why I love him- why I stay what is wrong with me.............I am a broken record and can't tell anyone here as they have heard it before. I have read the books- seen the therapist - tolerate hatred behavior - but live for the little things - which are very few- he has not hugged or kissed me for months - but recently said he would look for sex somewhere else. What is wrong with me- I hate alcohol- I hate it................... I can support myself - I do it now and am successful- my sons love me- I have friends and great people in my life but I put up with this ? Screw it.................... I suck
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
He upset the dog? That cute little doggy in your avitar? Now I'm upset!
Don't be so hard on yourself RHS. If you've been here before, than you know that we've all been there.
So let's talk positives. You say you've been getting therapy. That's great. It sounds like it's having some payoff. Are you doing anything else like Alanon or Celebrate Recovery?
Don't be so hard on yourself RHS. If you've been here before, than you know that we've all been there.
So let's talk positives. You say you've been getting therapy. That's great. It sounds like it's having some payoff. Are you doing anything else like Alanon or Celebrate Recovery?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
It is hard to graduate when they don't and we feel/are attached to them. The more contact, the more ways you are connected (house, finances, children, pets) the more we are on the ride with them.
I am completely losing my grip on everything associated with xah and everything Xah touches he harms.
So the children and I are all loathe to contact him for anything. Which saves our energy for work, studies and friends. I have never, ever had so many good friends in my life!
. And so little money. I don't know what is going to happen to us. But I do know that contact with xah is no good for anyone at this point.So red, how about a little no contact?
And (((hugs))). I know it's hard!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
Hi Red, welcome back and ((((hugs)))).
Number one, you don't suck. You had compassion for someone who is hurting and that is never a bad thing. Maybe it's time you tried a little compassion on yourself.
I understand it's a long journey, I staid with my wife for more than 15 years of unacceptable behavior. Finally during one binge the unacceptable behavior became unacceptable to me. I moved out and 3 years later we are in the process of divorcing.
Be patient and gentle with yourself. This isn't easy but you have plenty of friends and support right here.
Your friend,
Number one, you don't suck. You had compassion for someone who is hurting and that is never a bad thing. Maybe it's time you tried a little compassion on yourself.
I understand it's a long journey, I staid with my wife for more than 15 years of unacceptable behavior. Finally during one binge the unacceptable behavior became unacceptable to me. I moved out and 3 years later we are in the process of divorcing.
Be patient and gentle with yourself. This isn't easy but you have plenty of friends and support right here.
Your friend,
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