My attempt at letting go
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 224
My attempt at letting go
I saw him last night. He has tried to avoid me, but it was like a pressure cooker back here that I had to release. For the past two weeks, he has been home throughout the lovely days with every window and door covered, blocking all the light out of his house. Now, why is that my concern as I am working through my Codi issues? It isn't. And here is the weak excuse I used to rationalize my behavior- he lives right in front of me. I have to pass the back and side of his apartment to get to my car. I am never more than fifteen to twenty feel away from him.
I knocked on his front door and he didn't answer. I didn't give up. I knocked on the side door, which meant that he knew it had to be me. It isn't that he was avoiding me specifically, he is just so depressed now that he wasn't answering the door. His new routine that he made after we broke up of staying gone all day and night has ended and he is back in his house all the time.
He came to the door with trepidation and hesitation, as if he expected me to begin to scream and freak out. I handed him my guitar. I bought it eight years ago and never learned to play it. But damn, did he play it. It has been sitting in my home wishing to be played. Did you know musical instruments want to be played? I learned that with him. So, he felt comfortable to come outside. I have been reading Codependent No More and have been able to let go of my anger. We sat for about an hour and half talking. He was quacking and I did not say anything about his drinking. I just told him that I hoped he knew that he was worth his own love and to be loved when he was ready. He wiped tears away every so often.
I needed to address him as me and not as the heartbroken women who was bruised and trying to relive some past pain. I needed to let go with love. It still isn't easy. I still have a long way to go. I cried even today. But I know that I can only control what I do. I have to work through my issues so that I make better choices in the future. I told him last night that I was thankful for our time together, because that love and experience made me want to become healthier so that I can find ways to be better with love in the future. I will be moving as soon as possible. I am trying my best to move forward. But as long as I am still here, I will remind myself that I have resolved it with him and will continue to put the focus back on myself. This posting is part of that therapy. Thank you for reading.
I knocked on his front door and he didn't answer. I didn't give up. I knocked on the side door, which meant that he knew it had to be me. It isn't that he was avoiding me specifically, he is just so depressed now that he wasn't answering the door. His new routine that he made after we broke up of staying gone all day and night has ended and he is back in his house all the time.
He came to the door with trepidation and hesitation, as if he expected me to begin to scream and freak out. I handed him my guitar. I bought it eight years ago and never learned to play it. But damn, did he play it. It has been sitting in my home wishing to be played. Did you know musical instruments want to be played? I learned that with him. So, he felt comfortable to come outside. I have been reading Codependent No More and have been able to let go of my anger. We sat for about an hour and half talking. He was quacking and I did not say anything about his drinking. I just told him that I hoped he knew that he was worth his own love and to be loved when he was ready. He wiped tears away every so often.
I needed to address him as me and not as the heartbroken women who was bruised and trying to relive some past pain. I needed to let go with love. It still isn't easy. I still have a long way to go. I cried even today. But I know that I can only control what I do. I have to work through my issues so that I make better choices in the future. I told him last night that I was thankful for our time together, because that love and experience made me want to become healthier so that I can find ways to be better with love in the future. I will be moving as soon as possible. I am trying my best to move forward. But as long as I am still here, I will remind myself that I have resolved it with him and will continue to put the focus back on myself. This posting is part of that therapy. Thank you for reading.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 224
NYC- easier said then done when you live on top of each other. I am just trying to get to a place where I don't live in anxiety every moment that I am home because no matter how careful I am, I see him every day because we share space. So let me ask you, which is better to find a way to waive a white flag of forgiveness or settle in for sad run ins in the morning, afternoon and evening of each day?
Once I move, I am following what you say here. Believe me, I wish I had that luxury now.
Once I move, I am following what you say here. Believe me, I wish I had that luxury now.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
TimeisKey.....I sympathise. I can't imagine living that close to an ex that I had strong feelings about. Like death by a million paper cuts.
I once had to work with an ex after a less than happy break-up. It was horrible for me.
Luckily...he later got fired for dating a client.
dandylion
I once had to work with an ex after a less than happy break-up. It was horrible for me.
Luckily...he later got fired for dating a client.
dandylion
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