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Confused and Hurting...HELP!

Old 07-23-2004, 07:59 AM
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Sometimes, It takes awhile!!!
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Confused and Hurting...HELP!

Hi All,
I've been here less than a week...Wonderful site!!! I posted to let you know a little bout me...and replied to some post. I'm sober and involved with AA. I've been through some ups and down in sobriety...learned alot...and am very grateful to be sober.....................BUT
There is one issue...thing....relationship...man..........I can't seem to completely let go of!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I know I've grown a lot.....and am learning about codependency detaching....etc...ohhhhhhhhh I'm so frustrated this morning! I can't seem to beat this! ok let me start with ....ahhhh? lol darn it...............maybe if I hear from you all....I can add a little more..........grrrrrrrrrrrrrr hope this makes sense!!! It might help to read my other post........... thanks......bye for now I feel like a goooooof lol
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Old 07-23-2004, 08:05 AM
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serenity777 - fairly new here too - have an AH - from the other end of the spectrum I am frustrated, anxious etc too today for some reason - hang in - you are a head of most in being sober and involved in AA - cwohio
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Old 07-23-2004, 04:25 PM
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Welcome to the boards
DONT feel like a goof. All realationships can be confusing. Keep sharing ...it helps
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Old 07-23-2004, 04:48 PM
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Hey Serenity!

It helps just to put it into words. C'mon... we can take it! We've lived with substance abusers... we can take a lot. Half of us will have been where you are and the other half might need to hear you experience to keep from going there. Okaaaay?

Hugs,
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Old 07-24-2004, 10:37 PM
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Sometimes, It takes awhile!!!
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hi all....thanks...............
I dont know what is going on with me these past couple of days.....I've been trying to share on here///rlkajsdfkljdsa.......sorry...i little frustration lol Ok...note to self...STOP DELETING...JUST TYPE.....LOL
Seriously though, I dont know why I'm having a hard time letting this out to you all here....even in meetings lately I sit there with so much aniexitysajfkj and cant seem to share...my mind just races....with so many thoughts.... this is hard...so bear with me please....
Maybe I can just share a little each day.....ok.... first.....like i said above...I've been through ups and down in sobriety.....BUT...this one area..(this man)......im stuck on this one.....let me tell you about US.....
I met him in 1998...in a bar...5 days after I left my 2nd husband....after a year he bought a home for us and me and ALL 4 of my kids and grandson moved in with him...a year later I started going to AA....THINGS BEGAN TO CHANGE(or rather I began to change)....in 2002 I moved to my own apt.....getting my own place was a huge step for me....because you see up until now I was never on my own...
(I married my first husband at 17, had 2 children with him, after that ended (1 week later) I met my 2nd husband and had 2 more children.....)(both husbands abusive)
Ok back to the man Im involved with now..........Ok now I've moved, on my own, doing it FINANCIAL on my own....BUT....EMOTIONALLY....nooooooo In the 2 yrs that I have been on my own...I have broken it off more times than I care to count....
Is this man abusive....no.....he has never layed a figure on me....emotionally abusive...no.....he just doesnt scream or yell...(one time I knocked a glass of water out of his hand...and he just sat there...and then walked away...)..wow Is he an alcoholic....I'm not sure.......he never misses work...mr. responsible....top notch credit....great with money......etc..etc....BUT he drinks everyday, only beer of course ha ha......
This is my one stumbling block, or am I making it a stumbling block??? I beat myself up so bad....about this...that twice I have been to a place called Hope House for a week at a time....so that is why I'm here...I need some help to figure out what I should do......SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I LEAVE HIM .....................Will you help me find my way through this one?

I LOVE HIM....VERY VERY MUCH AND I KNOW HE LOVES ME!!!
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Old 07-24-2004, 11:17 PM
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Serenity- Is his drinking effecting your relationship in a bad way? Does it threaten your sobriety? Only you can deciede if this is all healthy for you or not. Hang in there and trust yourself. If you both love each other - be honest and work thru this. Hugs!
I have an AH and my mom was an Alcoholic...so for years I thought my experiences with my mom's drinking was making me think my husband had a problem....wrong! I started yelling about his drinking sooner than most would, but he really did have a problem. He is now in treatment, but only 7 days sober at this point. Trust that voice in your head...try to be still enough to really hear it tho' :-) Hang in there!
Di
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Old 07-24-2004, 11:37 PM
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Water seeks its own level...

... and by that I mean addicts oftentimes get into relationships with other addicts; codies get into relationships with other codies, or any other unhealthy, neurotic lock. That's the key - the "neurotic lock." It sounds like you really love this man and that other than his daily drinking he has many fine qualities. However, it doesn't sound as if this relationship is aiding your continuing road to recovery. Perhaps you should discontinue any contact with him for now in order to get your focus off him and focus exclusively on you.

I know it's easy for me to dish out advice, and ultimately you have to make your own decisions but I think you owe it to yourself and your kids to focus on your recovery and let him deal with his own issues. It doesn't sound as if he's lifting you up, but rather that he's bringing you down. Consider what this means for your recovery.
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