am I really anonomous?

Old 04-23-2002, 09:11 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
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Post am I really anonomous?

Hi all. Last Sat I went to an Alanon meeting, this was the second time I had attended this meeting. The meeting was good, but afterwards a woman came up to me and said "I think you know my ex-husband". She told me her husband's name and I didn't recognise it. Then as we were talking, I realized that he probably knew my husband from the biker bar that he goes to. She said that her husband mentioned my name as someone he hung out with. My name is unusual so this bothered me. I had only been to the bar a couple of times. Then I went to the restroom and another woman said "Do I know you?" I said I dont think so. She said she spoke with someone on the phone with my name and she thought it must be me.
So what, you are thinking. Well this bothered me. I felt like I wasn't anonomous anymore. I have been thinking about the personal nature of the things that are shared in these meetings and I felt like maybe it wasn't safe. I never felt this way about the Thurs meeting I attend. How do I know that the people that attend the meeting keep what is said in the meeting confidential?
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Old 04-23-2002, 09:36 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Peoria, IL USA
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Good question. It is really hard for us anoners to trust. We must start somewhere and it is supposed to be in meetings. I have gone to meetings, my first one to be exact, where I knew someone, the moderator of the new members meeting. We are told to keep what is said in the meetings there. I would say either go to the Thursday meeting only if that makes you feel more comfortable or go back to the next Saturday meeting and discuss your concerns with the ones who questioned you. You might be surprised to learn they are just as scared as you. They might be able to give you some very good insight. They might even become your sponsor. Who knows, coffee after the meetings have some of the best discussions.
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Old 04-23-2002, 11:52 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2002
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Hi Rose,

The meetings I have been to can't stress enough about the anonimity and to leave it there when you leave. I would bring it up and see what is said. If you still don't feel comfortable, don't go to that particular meeting.

I swear I recognize a few people at the meeting I attend but I would never think of bringing it up.

Good luck.
Many hugs.
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Old 04-23-2002, 12:34 PM
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Hi Rose,

I have run into people I have met only at meetings outside of meetings and there might a be a greeting but there has never been any reference to where we know each other from.

And I have run into people at meetings that I knew outside and I have personally never had a bad expeience. Those people are probably wondering the same thing about you.
Talk to her and it will probably put your mind at ease.

I have also known people who went to another town because they have high profile jobs so tha is another option.

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