lolitalola

So my husband is a binge drinker. Problem drinker. 3 weeks after the last binge he went out last night and spent a lot of money. To try and not be co dependent and detach, I told him thjs morning early I was taking out eldest child and leaving him with the2 younger

we spent an enjoyable 2 hrs having a nice relaxing walk and breakfast at a cafe. It helped a lot as we have relocated to a remote area with no al anon meets. I am really missing the support and having anxiety when he binges.

anyways coming home I was horrified he hadnt even gotten out of bed. My 5 year old had totake care of my 2 year old including getting him breakfast. I am so glad she never put a knife inthe toaster. I would never have gone ifi knew he was that hungover. He just said in response it was my fault for leaving and he doesn't do it too often. Quack quack.

would you consider this neglect? My mind goes all over the place and I start to doubt myself.

spia

Umm, yes. He should not be left alone with them.

KidsR#1

I am so sorry. Yes, it is neglect. When I feared my AH of doing something like that I stopped leaving my 7 yr old and 4 yr old at home with him. I was no longer embarrassed to take the kids with me everywhere or have a family member watch them for me. It meant less "me time", but their safety was my most important concern.

ladyscribbler

Yes it is. Sorry your children experienced that. I remember my brother and I having to take care of ourselves when my dad was passed out, tiptoeing around so we wouldn't wake him up, because better passed out and snoring than awake and raging.

lillamy

I realized my marriage had to be over when I declined a promotion at work and opted out of training because it would have meant travel and nighttime classes -- and there was no way I could leave my children with my husband overnight or even three hours in the evening. And they were all older than your kids.

allysen

Label it whatever you want. Just don't leave them alone with him. A lot of us have made the mistake of leaving our kids with a person who is clearly incapable of managing it so don't be too hard on yourself. It's hard when we realize all of the caregiving falls onto us - I never wanted to be a 'full time' parent. But that's the hand I got dealt in life. It gets easier as time goes on and you build a support system that can help you with child care. Now, even though their dad only sees them 12 hours a week, I feel I have lots of free time because of play dates, babysitters, etc.

Thumper

I'm so sorry. Many have been in that situation. I know I was and it was incredibly difficult to accept and navigate. I made incremental adjustments until I just had to stop the denial and admit to myself I simply could not leave them in his care anymore. In hindsight I was so slow to react and I am so grateful that no harm came to any of my children.

If is so subtle sometimes (or it seemed that way to me at the time - today it would not) because he was not abusive or dangerous and the children were not hurt - they loved him and looked up to him - but it is neglectful. It is part of the alcoholism not who he is at his core, or at least it was for my xrah. We still have to address it though. It is part of their reality, and ours, and the children's.

Tansy

I pretty much stayed in for 16 years or took my children with me everywhere cos ex couldn't be trusted with the kids when they were younger. I always felt like a single parent. I'd act like he isn't there in future , cos he not really is he?