California

I am new to this message board, have been reading it for a couple of days, finally got the nerve to post. I have been married to an alcoholic for 14 years, the last 5, he has been in recovery (2 relapses). He just celebrated 1 year for the third time. I am starting to get weary, does anyone know what I mean? I am thankful that my husband is in recovery, but sometimes it seems like our whole life revolves around his recovery. His meetings come first, which I understand, but the day in and day out of it can get hard.

Caitlyn

Hi California

I am relatively new here also. Did you know your husband was an A before you married him? I am engaged to one - and I just discovered he had a drinking problem (well there were signs and I think I chose to ignore them). We are seeking help. Going to our first session today. I know we have a long road ahead.

Perhaps you can answer this question for me - if you knew he as an A before you married him - would you still have married him?

I know what you mean by being weary.. I also feel that way especially with all the worrying and dealing with the monster/idiot he becomes when he is drunk. Thanks for posting. Hope to hear from you soon.

Take care

Caitlyn

California

I did not know that my husband was an A when I married him, you are not going to believe this, but I thought he was just a cocaine addict! We had been dating a few months when I found out he was using Cocaine. I screamed, cried, yelled, and told him that I absolutely would not see him again if he continued to use cocaine-he quit right then. He white knuckled it, but he quit. I knew he was a social drinker, but did not realize until we were married about a year and a half that it was a real problem for him. My husband is a binge drinker, he did not drink every day, he never got arrested. After a while, though, it became clear to me that once he took that first drink, he did not have the power to stop. We were pretty involved in church when we were first married, which I think imposed a "social control" on him for a while, but as we all know when it comes to alcoholism, over time it only gets worse, never better. Would I have married him if I had known? Probably not.

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi California...
Welcome to the recovery forum!

Sure... lots of people here know what you mean. Everythings stops because they're using, then everything stops because they're getting well. That's why there's (dum-ta-dum!) Alanon! To help you get the focus back on you.


Keep posting!
Smoke

motherofthree

My first husband was an A. I chouse to ignore it and married him. My only excuse I was young and stupid. It was hell. He would get stupid drunk and I was so embarrassed all the time. After 5 years of this marriage I became pregnant and when I was 6 month into pregnancy he shot himself accidentally while on the drinking binge. One thing came out from marriage that is good and clean is my baby. She is 12 now.

I guess all I am saying is that if you can address this problem before taking a plunge you are better off in the long run.

Sally

I know exactly what your saying,
I too am so dammed tired of it.
It is exhausting, a mental mind twist, and If you don't let go, just a little,,, it will drive you over the brink...
That's where the focusing on your self comes in, It sounds selfish, but do you deserve to live a second hand life... NO>>>>> you don't , you deserve for all your hopes and dreams and NEEDS to be met. Just aS he does and every living human being
Please read my post.. SOMETHING TO SHARE..
It really changed my life.
Although I'm still crazy...I do have moments of clarity......
I live with the sober one week, drunk the next. Life
The marriage is over the marriage is great.
We are the CHRISTIANS ONE DAY
and the socail out casts the next.
DENIAL....is a place in our minds , a wonderful retreat.
But the real world always catches up with us.

How are YOU.....DOING...?
WHAT DO YOU WANT TODAY...
WHAT ARE YOUR NEEDS TODAY...?
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH...?
WHAT MAKES YOU...HAPPY...?
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TODAY...
YOU.........
AS A MOTHER, TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST, SO YOU'LL BE ABLE TO CARE FOR OTHERS.
IF MA MA AIN'T HAPPY, AIN'T NOBODY HAPPY.
REGARDS SALLY
EMAIL ME ANY TIME

Take baby steps
one day at a time
Go girl