I don't want to know....leave me alone please, xabf

Old 09-08-2014, 07:53 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Lovenlies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Over here
Posts: 27
I don't want to know....leave me alone please, xabf

Recap
My xabf was lying to me and his girlfriend. His GF texted me and the truth came out. She and I talked and texted and I was genuinely concerned about her because he was physically and verbally abusing her when he is intoxicated. (BTW he told me he wasn't with her and that he wasn't attracted to her. She's old and not his type at all. He loves me and has always loved me and wants a future with me....blah blah blah.) Tried to be there for her. Told her to get therapy, come to SR, and go to Al-anon. I've also told her to text me if she ever needed to talk or just needed support.
I'm actually doing ok, cause that was the last draw for me. I don't need someone like that in my life. The alcohol, the lying, the way he talks to me when he is drunk (very sexual in a gross way) and betrayal is too much for me. I've blocked and erase him from my contact, but he found a way to text me and tell me he is still with her and that my plan didn't work and she loves him. OMG. I really don't care what happens to him at this point. It's his life and he is free to choose whatever he wants to do. I just wish he would just leave me out of it. He told me that I backstabbed him by telling her....blah blah blah. Really?!?! She texted me at 4:00 in the morning cause he was drunk and finally let go of his phone. And he was the one who lied toner and I. Grrrrrrrrr.
I haven't even texted the GF to see if she is ok cause I don't want to know anything about him. I feel bad but I am putting me first. She is a grown woman who knows he is an alcoholic and I have informed her of the other stuff that she totally didn't know about. I've done my part in order for her to make her own decision. Right?
Thanks everybody for letting me rant.
Lovenlies is offline  
Old 09-08-2014, 08:06 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Engineer Things; LOVE People
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
now print it out.

tear it up and wad it up.

take it to the toilet.

flush.

and say . . . .

SH!T BE GONE!

(click your heels three times, and flush again, if there are floaters.)

btw, good job on all the rest.
Hammer is offline  
Old 09-08-2014, 11:16 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
honeypig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,478
Putting you first is EXACTLY right, lovenlies. They are both adults and can make their own decisions. You owe neither of them anything at all. Hammer's advice is very sound, I think, in addition to being amusing--SH!T BE GONE indeed!

Keep on taking care of you. Hope you find a way to completely block him from contacting you.
honeypig is offline  
Old 09-09-2014, 04:53 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
LightInside's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: The Bright Side of the Moon
Posts: 528
There's some saying in Al Anon. I can't remember how it goes. Something like, "Say it once and you are helping. Anything more than that and you're nagging." Anyhow, you've put the info and resources out there for her. Now you can "Let go and let God."
LightInside is offline  
Old 09-09-2014, 06:54 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Give her the number to the National Domestic Violence Hotline and walk away. This is not helpful to YOUR own recovery. She needs to draw the line herself.

Hugs....
hopeful4 is offline  
Old 09-09-2014, 07:04 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Pressure makes diamonds
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 521
As long as you continue to respond, you will get pulled into the vortex. Why not delete both of them and if either one finds a way to contact you, IGNORE it. Eventually when they don't get the reaction they are looking for, they will seek it somewhere else. It's no longer your problem, unless you allow it to be.
Hope2014 is offline  
Old 09-09-2014, 12:44 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Lovenlies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Over here
Posts: 27
Thanks everyone for your responses and encouragement. I have not responded to him. I am choosing not to because no matter what he says it's either a lie, a manipulation, an excuse, or a con. No more. Don't get me wrong hard as he'll not to want to hear to his voice but I'm just so done. As for his GF she hasn't contacted me. It's more me wanting to help her through this cause I know how hard it is. I was in it for over 2 years and all of you here and therapy to get me out of the merry go round. But you guys are right, like him, I cannot want what is best for them. They have to want it for themselves. I said it once ok maybe twice and now I don't want to be a nag. Should I suggest to her the National Domestic Violence Hotline?
Lovenlies is offline  
Old 09-09-2014, 12:50 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
RIP Sweet Suki
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,726
Yes, that is exactly what you should do, and then back away. You can't really help her and it would just keep you involved in the madness. Refer her to those who know how to help her. ((HUGS))
suki44883 is offline  
Old 09-09-2014, 01:20 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Engineer Things; LOVE People
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Lovenlies View Post
. . . . it's either a lie, a manipulation, an excuse, or a con. No more.
I am LIKING this.

Thanks!
Hammer is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:54 PM.