When your AXH talks of suicide
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 11
When your AXH talks of suicide
Hello,
I am so new (as of just a few minutes) to this forum. I need others insight. Here is a little about my background.
I am recently divorced- as of June 9, 2014. He filed the divorce papers to jolt me back into reality.
I finally have an apartment of my since August 3rd, 2014. I love the peace and tranquilty. Although I have fears of the future. Which I think is normal.
Lately, he has said that he is about to through in the towel. He has thought of ways to commit suicide so his children will not know that it was intential.
I called his mother to tell her of his talk of suicide. Her response was go home- you don't want that on your shoulders. Your children would never forgive you. Remember, thats what I had to do years ago (his father is also an alcoholic).
So, feeling bad- because thats what I do- and put others before me, went home this past Friday. I am at work now and do not want to go home. I am depressed and I want to run.
Please, please give me some advice. I love him and always will. We were married for 23 years and raised three children. I am not in love with him anymore.
I also feel that he does love me and wish I could love him back. I think sometimes I will never have another "love" me like him again.
He has been abusive- verbally and physcially. Just this last December he became physically abusive. I left- come back- you know it was Christmas. Didnt want the kids to have a bad holiday.
Help me!
I am so new (as of just a few minutes) to this forum. I need others insight. Here is a little about my background.
I am recently divorced- as of June 9, 2014. He filed the divorce papers to jolt me back into reality.
I finally have an apartment of my since August 3rd, 2014. I love the peace and tranquilty. Although I have fears of the future. Which I think is normal.
Lately, he has said that he is about to through in the towel. He has thought of ways to commit suicide so his children will not know that it was intential.
I called his mother to tell her of his talk of suicide. Her response was go home- you don't want that on your shoulders. Your children would never forgive you. Remember, thats what I had to do years ago (his father is also an alcoholic).
So, feeling bad- because thats what I do- and put others before me, went home this past Friday. I am at work now and do not want to go home. I am depressed and I want to run.
Please, please give me some advice. I love him and always will. We were married for 23 years and raised three children. I am not in love with him anymore.
I also feel that he does love me and wish I could love him back. I think sometimes I will never have another "love" me like him again.
He has been abusive- verbally and physcially. Just this last December he became physically abusive. I left- come back- you know it was Christmas. Didnt want the kids to have a bad holiday.
Help me!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello and a warm welcome to you. Glad you are here, there is great insight here at SR. First thing I would say is NEVER listen to anything his family says. I learned very quickly, they love it when you are there b/c they don't want the burden. Even if they don't do it on purpose or even realize they are doing so, it almost always happens.
You are being mentally held hostage. I would say you need to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline and they can advise you how to get out. If you are truly afraid for him, call 911. In what I have heard, that will do one of two things. If he is truly suicidal it will get him the help he needs. If he is just manipulating you it will show him you mean business. While you don't want to risk anyone doing such an act, you are also not bound to be in a marriage that is physically and verbally abusive.
I wish you all the best. Read the stickies at the top of the forum, they are quite helpful with lots of info. Keep posting, you are not alone.
No one can tell you what you should or should not do, that is up to you. You may find counseling with a counselor who specializes in dealing with this type of issue helpful for you. You need a wide support system.
Hugs....
You are being mentally held hostage. I would say you need to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline and they can advise you how to get out. If you are truly afraid for him, call 911. In what I have heard, that will do one of two things. If he is truly suicidal it will get him the help he needs. If he is just manipulating you it will show him you mean business. While you don't want to risk anyone doing such an act, you are also not bound to be in a marriage that is physically and verbally abusive.
I wish you all the best. Read the stickies at the top of the forum, they are quite helpful with lots of info. Keep posting, you are not alone.
No one can tell you what you should or should not do, that is up to you. You may find counseling with a counselor who specializes in dealing with this type of issue helpful for you. You need a wide support system.
Hugs....
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
First, welcome. Second, get yourself and your children to a safe place. Whenever he starts taking suicide, call 911. They will show up and evaluate him, and he will be treated as necessary. If he's quacking, he'll likely be mad at you for calling, but he probably won't do it again. Let the professionals handle it from here on out. And stop talking to his family. As long as you're around, they don't have to babysit him, so OF COURSE they're going to try to guilt you into coming back!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Hey, welcome -- glad you're here, sorry you have to be here...
I'm agreeing 100% with GRITS -- get you and the kids to a safe place. If he threatens suicide, call 911.
Many states have understood the seriously manipulative nature of suicide threats and now include them under the heading of "domestic violence."
I also wanted to send you a big hug because I remember that feeling so well, of not wanting to go home from work. (((hugs)))
I'm agreeing 100% with GRITS -- get you and the kids to a safe place. If he threatens suicide, call 911.
Many states have understood the seriously manipulative nature of suicide threats and now include them under the heading of "domestic violence."
I also wanted to send you a big hug because I remember that feeling so well, of not wanting to go home from work. (((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Hi Fez, and welcome to the forum.
You've already received some great advice here. I agree with everything said, protect yourself, protect your children, contact a Domestic Violence Hotline, call 911 if he threatens suicide again, and never never never take advice from his family.
You've been married 23 years (I know how that feels). That's a long time to live like this. Maybe it's time to start healing. There's a lot of good information in the stickies at the top of the forum page. That's a great place to start.
Again, so glad you found your way to Sober Recovery.
You've already received some great advice here. I agree with everything said, protect yourself, protect your children, contact a Domestic Violence Hotline, call 911 if he threatens suicide again, and never never never take advice from his family.
You've been married 23 years (I know how that feels). That's a long time to live like this. Maybe it's time to start healing. There's a lot of good information in the stickies at the top of the forum page. That's a great place to start.
Again, so glad you found your way to Sober Recovery.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Fez, it's awful you've been forced back by threats. I've seen on another thread that you've left again, and I'm glad.
I hope your ex isn't serious, but it's out of your hands.
I hope your ex isn't serious, but it's out of your hands.
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