Rejected i do not understand anything annymore.
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Rejected i do not understand anything annymore.
Hello all.
A few questions at the bottom.
As I explained on a previous message, I have been dating Stacey for 1.5 year before she told me that the problem was not alcohol as I thought but a five years cocaine and methamphetamine chronic use. I really had put a lot into this relationship: Time, money, efforts, emotions, sleep. I left home on the 15th of december because of too much resentment, abuse, insults, putting down, I had no money anymore because I could not run my business.
Since then, here is where I am:
- I have been abused for a year and half. lied at, and insulted.
- I left my own apartment in order to have her wake up! but she tries to recover while rejecting me all at once.
- I heard her having sex with another guy when she badly hung up the telephone one day. This drove me down so much.
- She rejects me completely now, does not want to talk to me.
- I have less in my life than what I had before this relationship. which is unbarable for a foreign (French) entrepreneur who always tries to build and not lose precious time and achievements.
- I feel lonely, I desire her everyday.
- I do not understand why it just happen to me? I was so honest to this person, so opened and full of projects.
Why is she rejecting me by the way? She threatens me to take legal actions if I keep on calling, trying to see her.
She put a lot of blame on me, telling me I did not handle her addiction well enough, I do suffer a great deal to not shine in her eyes anymore and see myself that pathetic running after her.
any thoughts or common experience?
thanks.
A few questions at the bottom.
As I explained on a previous message, I have been dating Stacey for 1.5 year before she told me that the problem was not alcohol as I thought but a five years cocaine and methamphetamine chronic use. I really had put a lot into this relationship: Time, money, efforts, emotions, sleep. I left home on the 15th of december because of too much resentment, abuse, insults, putting down, I had no money anymore because I could not run my business.
Since then, here is where I am:
- I have been abused for a year and half. lied at, and insulted.
- I left my own apartment in order to have her wake up! but she tries to recover while rejecting me all at once.
- I heard her having sex with another guy when she badly hung up the telephone one day. This drove me down so much.
- She rejects me completely now, does not want to talk to me.
- I have less in my life than what I had before this relationship. which is unbarable for a foreign (French) entrepreneur who always tries to build and not lose precious time and achievements.
- I feel lonely, I desire her everyday.
- I do not understand why it just happen to me? I was so honest to this person, so opened and full of projects.
Why is she rejecting me by the way? She threatens me to take legal actions if I keep on calling, trying to see her.
She put a lot of blame on me, telling me I did not handle her addiction well enough, I do suffer a great deal to not shine in her eyes anymore and see myself that pathetic running after her.
any thoughts or common experience?
thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Victoria,B.C.Canada
Posts: 46
Hi videx
first thing WELCOME TO THE SITE AND RECOVERY. This how I see what you just wrote. First you need to look after yourself and your stuff and in your relationship it looks like you need to leave her alone right now until you can get your head together. Also just stop calling her and it will hurt but to get your insaint back you need to do this for you so it doesn't drive you crasy.
If you need to talk to some online just post a time and they will meet you in the chatroom. GOD BLESS
SAngelfive
first thing WELCOME TO THE SITE AND RECOVERY. This how I see what you just wrote. First you need to look after yourself and your stuff and in your relationship it looks like you need to leave her alone right now until you can get your head together. Also just stop calling her and it will hurt but to get your insaint back you need to do this for you so it doesn't drive you crasy.
If you need to talk to some online just post a time and they will meet you in the chatroom. GOD BLESS
SAngelfive
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Vidax.
It's impossible to see into another person's heart and it's useless to speculate about their motivations. Perhaps she is not really trying to recover and having you present would crimp her style. Or perhaps she cannot face the unpleasantness that was created in your relationship. Whatever the reason, if she says she does not want to see you, you pretty much have to accept that. She can indeed seek legal action if you continue to try to contact her against her wishes. Please don't invite this unfair scenario.
I understand how unjust this all seems, when you have given up so much to this woman. But now you are giving up your self respect. Who is she that you should be begging and pleading for her to allow you into her life? You are worth more than that.
Have you found an alanon or naranon meeting to attend?
Hugs,
Smoke
It's impossible to see into another person's heart and it's useless to speculate about their motivations. Perhaps she is not really trying to recover and having you present would crimp her style. Or perhaps she cannot face the unpleasantness that was created in your relationship. Whatever the reason, if she says she does not want to see you, you pretty much have to accept that. She can indeed seek legal action if you continue to try to contact her against her wishes. Please don't invite this unfair scenario.
I understand how unjust this all seems, when you have given up so much to this woman. But now you are giving up your self respect. Who is she that you should be begging and pleading for her to allow you into her life? You are worth more than that.
Have you found an alanon or naranon meeting to attend?
Hugs,
Smoke
Guest
Posts: n/a
Thank you smoke, thank you all.
I went to one alanon meeting. I was not much relieved after it though...
i however seeked help with a psychoterapist, and it has been just fantastic. I will go with this lady for a whyle and get my mind fixed.
What a nightmare to turn back on these almost two years of my life and find out that almost nothing was real!
anyway, smoke, you are right. the most important thing is to take care of myself.
I went to one alanon meeting. I was not much relieved after it though...
i however seeked help with a psychoterapist, and it has been just fantastic. I will go with this lady for a whyle and get my mind fixed.
What a nightmare to turn back on these almost two years of my life and find out that almost nothing was real!
anyway, smoke, you are right. the most important thing is to take care of myself.
Originally posted by smoke gets in my eyes:
Hi Vidax.
It's impossible to see into another person's heart and it's useless to speculate about their motivations. Perhaps she is not really trying to recover and having you present would crimp her style. Or perhaps she cannot face the unpleasantness that was created in your relationship. Whatever the reason, if she says she does not want to see you, you pretty much have to accept that. She can indeed seek legal action if you continue to try to contact her against her wishes. Please don't invite this unfair scenario.
I understand how unjust this all seems, when you have given up so much to this woman. But now you are giving up your self respect. Who is she that you should be begging and pleading for her to allow you into her life? You are worth more than that.
Have you found an alanon or naranon meeting to attend?
Hugs,
Smoke
Hi Vidax.
It's impossible to see into another person's heart and it's useless to speculate about their motivations. Perhaps she is not really trying to recover and having you present would crimp her style. Or perhaps she cannot face the unpleasantness that was created in your relationship. Whatever the reason, if she says she does not want to see you, you pretty much have to accept that. She can indeed seek legal action if you continue to try to contact her against her wishes. Please don't invite this unfair scenario.
I understand how unjust this all seems, when you have given up so much to this woman. But now you are giving up your self respect. Who is she that you should be begging and pleading for her to allow you into her life? You are worth more than that.
Have you found an alanon or naranon meeting to attend?
Hugs,
Smoke
Paused
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: M.D.R. Ca.
Posts: 29
Vidax, I don't know why no-one on this post has not pointed out the obvious to you. You have a real need for this relationship and you are unwilling to give it up. Not for any benefit it can offer to you but because you have a need to be a victim. This relationship satisfies this need perfectly. Your posts are all self-pitying and full of what you gave up, sleep, opportunities etc. How badly done-to you are. etc.etc. Get over it. And find out, with your therapist, why you had a need to be in a relationship like this which offered you nothing but ****. We all comfort each other on this site. But your post is something else. It is not how you can get together and work something out or help someone. It is all recriminations and wanting the world to know what a bitch she was. Move on and find someone who is worthy of your passion and devotion. Not meaning to hurt you but I call it as it lays. Love, Chivapiano
[This message has been edited by chivapiano (edited March 19, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by chivapiano (edited March 19, 2002).]
Guest
Posts: n/a
No need to be a victime. Nope. Just new to something unbelievable to me. What a waste that is all.
Had I known from the beguining I would have dealt with this differently, and at least I would have had the choice.
Now that I know, I see all of the things that all the arguments and bad feeling that could have been avoided just by saying: (ok she does not mean it, she is just high, so let's not feel bad and handle with love). and I would not have exhausted myself trying to understand what was wrong in me, until I got depressed, broke, weak and finally lost my mind.
So know that I know, I am sad and depressed to not shine in her eyes, abd not be able to rewritte the story.
Nope, no need to be a victime. Just not believing how stupid it is that we are not together anymore.
Awareness gives you the opportunity to chose to suffer or not.
Thank you for your message though.
Had I known from the beguining I would have dealt with this differently, and at least I would have had the choice.
Now that I know, I see all of the things that all the arguments and bad feeling that could have been avoided just by saying: (ok she does not mean it, she is just high, so let's not feel bad and handle with love). and I would not have exhausted myself trying to understand what was wrong in me, until I got depressed, broke, weak and finally lost my mind.
So know that I know, I am sad and depressed to not shine in her eyes, abd not be able to rewritte the story.
Nope, no need to be a victime. Just not believing how stupid it is that we are not together anymore.
Awareness gives you the opportunity to chose to suffer or not.
Thank you for your message though.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hey Vidax...
I think you and I have a lot in common. I too am an entrepreneurial type. I am currently digging my business out of a hole that I created by indulging both an addict and a lazy business partner. I've always considered myself a pretty smart cookie. It certainly knocked my socks off to find that I'd been duped in this way. I indulged in all sorts of irrational thoughts and behavior before I was able to say to myself... "okay, you're still pretty sharp... nobody's perfect. Forgive yourself this lapse in judgement and get on with it." Addicts, after all can be pretty cunning, and I had no experience with this sort or treachery. Sounds like you are in the same boat.
I spent some time hung up in the notion that if I could make everything ultimately work out with Dino, it would justify the sacrifices I had already made. Somehow, it would make me "right" about hanging in for so long. You have probably heard the phrase "throwing good money after bad." That was throwing good energy after bad. I made bad decisions (among them... to not "see" what was going on). I can face that. I can forgive myself. I can resolve to not make the same mistakes again. I cannot undo the past, I can only move forward.
Forgive yourself, brother.
Love,
Smoke
I think you and I have a lot in common. I too am an entrepreneurial type. I am currently digging my business out of a hole that I created by indulging both an addict and a lazy business partner. I've always considered myself a pretty smart cookie. It certainly knocked my socks off to find that I'd been duped in this way. I indulged in all sorts of irrational thoughts and behavior before I was able to say to myself... "okay, you're still pretty sharp... nobody's perfect. Forgive yourself this lapse in judgement and get on with it." Addicts, after all can be pretty cunning, and I had no experience with this sort or treachery. Sounds like you are in the same boat.
I spent some time hung up in the notion that if I could make everything ultimately work out with Dino, it would justify the sacrifices I had already made. Somehow, it would make me "right" about hanging in for so long. You have probably heard the phrase "throwing good money after bad." That was throwing good energy after bad. I made bad decisions (among them... to not "see" what was going on). I can face that. I can forgive myself. I can resolve to not make the same mistakes again. I cannot undo the past, I can only move forward.
Forgive yourself, brother.
Love,
Smoke
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