Oh dear he's gone to the bank and has now gone crazy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 537
Oh dear he's gone to the bank and has now gone crazy
If anyone remembers.....i was advised by a lawyer that I was within my right to withdraw the equity on our mortgage that AH was accessing to fund his 5 star hotel drinking binge that started almost 3 months ago. Obviously in the settlement I'd be handing some back....
He never discovered that bc he had 'forgotten' how to use Internet banking and I've been maintaining the everyday account with cash. He goes through it so fast.
Well he suddenly worked out he could go to the bank and ask...and he did. When there they obviously showed him our accounts, and he saw what I had done.
He's gone crazy at me. He withdrew every last cent that was in the accounts....my pay, his pay (both monthly pays) and the few thousand I had left sitting in a savings account so he still had access to some cash.
He is furious....is threatening all sorts of things. Claims he's put the house on the market already, and that he won't be paying a cent towards the mortgage with the hopes that I won't be able to afford to do after missing two payments he "hopes the bank will repossess". He doesn't care about his credit rating as he "won't be needing it from now on".
This is all such a mess. I don't know what to do about accommodation. I'm right for now obviously...but in the medium term I need to work out what to do. I'll make an urgent appt with the lawyer and see what I can do....and I'm happy to fight, but want to be able to move on more than argue over every cent.
It's Father's Day on Sunday here.....DS is all excited, has made him something lovely at school, the girls will be off to their dads.....poor DS won't even get to see his dad as AH is refusing to even spend 10 mins with DS so he can give him the card. Heartless bastard.
He never discovered that bc he had 'forgotten' how to use Internet banking and I've been maintaining the everyday account with cash. He goes through it so fast.
Well he suddenly worked out he could go to the bank and ask...and he did. When there they obviously showed him our accounts, and he saw what I had done.
He's gone crazy at me. He withdrew every last cent that was in the accounts....my pay, his pay (both monthly pays) and the few thousand I had left sitting in a savings account so he still had access to some cash.
He is furious....is threatening all sorts of things. Claims he's put the house on the market already, and that he won't be paying a cent towards the mortgage with the hopes that I won't be able to afford to do after missing two payments he "hopes the bank will repossess". He doesn't care about his credit rating as he "won't be needing it from now on".
This is all such a mess. I don't know what to do about accommodation. I'm right for now obviously...but in the medium term I need to work out what to do. I'll make an urgent appt with the lawyer and see what I can do....and I'm happy to fight, but want to be able to move on more than argue over every cent.
It's Father's Day on Sunday here.....DS is all excited, has made him something lovely at school, the girls will be off to their dads.....poor DS won't even get to see his dad as AH is refusing to even spend 10 mins with DS so he can give him the card. Heartless bastard.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
I'm sorry jarp. My ex broke our daughter's heart through his selfishness and heartless behavior.
Take whatever steps the lawyer advises to protect yourself financially. It's more about self protection rather than fighting.
Take whatever steps the lawyer advises to protect yourself financially. It's more about self protection rather than fighting.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
It sounds like you got more out than left in the bank. You did the right thing. Little odd that he decided to go into the bank just to "check" - my guess is he went with the intent of doing something else.
I am not sure how he is maintaining a job or for how much longer he can so thank God you got the money.
Is your name on the mortgage?
I am not sure how he is maintaining a job or for how much longer he can so thank God you got the money.
Is your name on the mortgage?
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Jarp I'm so sorry it's got this stressful all of a sudden. Obviously you'll need to have your salary re-routed to a new account. The only thing you can do is consult your lawyer and try to get some arrangements in place.
If your lawyer agrees, assurances to your AH that everything will go back into the pot for redistribution might help. Depends on whether he's open to reason. In many ways it would be advantageous for him to get his own lawyer so everything can be done the right way.
Why is he refusing to see his son? Is that because of the money? It sounds so heartless.
If your lawyer agrees, assurances to your AH that everything will go back into the pot for redistribution might help. Depends on whether he's open to reason. In many ways it would be advantageous for him to get his own lawyer so everything can be done the right way.
Why is he refusing to see his son? Is that because of the money? It sounds so heartless.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 537
Thanks everyone...I've requested an urgent appointment with the lawyer so I'll see how that goes.
He rang me two hours later and we had to have the same conversion as he didn't remember having it the first time.
Now he's saying he's going to say goodbye to our son and he'll never see him again.
I hate him.
He's not living with us anymore. He has minimal supervised contact with our son.
Is there any healthy relationship with an alcoholic? Why do any of us stay? I realise I am still 'in' the relationship with him even though we've separated. It's a process. I'm still having a hard time believing this is who he has become. I'm getting there.
He rang me two hours later and we had to have the same conversion as he didn't remember having it the first time.
Now he's saying he's going to say goodbye to our son and he'll never see him again.
I hate him.
Originally Posted by MIRecovery 
This does not sound like a healthy relationship why do you choose to stay in it?
He's not living with us anymore. He has minimal supervised contact with our son.
Is there any healthy relationship with an alcoholic? Why do any of us stay? I realise I am still 'in' the relationship with him even though we've separated. It's a process. I'm still having a hard time believing this is who he has become. I'm getting there.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Hopefully you can file something that will freeze the accounts or otherwise take a snapshot of the finances. Hopefully you got more than he took. Reroute your salary, call your creditors and make payment arrangements or otherwise see what your options are.
Keep making good decisions, do the next right thing, and you'll be done with all this soon enough. I'm so sorry he fleeced you like this. He will reap what he sows eventually.
Keep making good decisions, do the next right thing, and you'll be done with all this soon enough. I'm so sorry he fleeced you like this. He will reap what he sows eventually.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
I'm glad you're seeing a lawyer. And it's clear that your AH has gone off the deep end. Please be safe. Whether or not he's been abusive in the past is beside the point right now; he sounds like he feels he's got nothing to lose, and that can make him dangerous. Don't let him in the house, don't let him see your son alone, don't talk to him again until you've seen the lawyer.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: OREGON
Posts: 228
My ex husband did the same thing back in the 80s. He didn't want me to work, stay home with the baby etc. When he left the home, he went to the bank and pulled out every last red cent. Most of the money in there was from an insurance check I had for a settlement on a car accident I was in and had been getting settlement checks for years each January.
Start your own account. Only your name on it. It may need to get divided in the divorce as marital assets, yet, here in the States, and I would think other countries as well, but not sure, that prevents anyone else from getting into the account so you can feel safe. I worked at a bank for years and spouses or children/loved ones, would come in to check on an account. If their name was not on the account, we could not even tell them if there was an account for the person that they were inquiring on. I think I got yelled at that more than anything else at the bank.
Do you have back up resources to help you get through this tough period.
I am sure he went into the bank, as you said he didn't do online banking, to solely pull some money out that he felt needed for whatever reason. Do not have any joint accounts with him.
Also in a joint account, either party, at either time, is able to withdraw any money and all money on any account. It does not matter if the other party is there or has knowledge of this transaction. We all need to know that to protect ourselves.
Start your own account. Only your name on it. It may need to get divided in the divorce as marital assets, yet, here in the States, and I would think other countries as well, but not sure, that prevents anyone else from getting into the account so you can feel safe. I worked at a bank for years and spouses or children/loved ones, would come in to check on an account. If their name was not on the account, we could not even tell them if there was an account for the person that they were inquiring on. I think I got yelled at that more than anything else at the bank.
Do you have back up resources to help you get through this tough period.
I am sure he went into the bank, as you said he didn't do online banking, to solely pull some money out that he felt needed for whatever reason. Do not have any joint accounts with him.
Also in a joint account, either party, at either time, is able to withdraw any money and all money on any account. It does not matter if the other party is there or has knowledge of this transaction. We all need to know that to protect ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Jarp I am so sorry for this escalation in his out-of-control behavior.
Your name must be on the title to the house? And on the mortgage? If so, he cannot sell the house or even legally list it without your signature.
ShootingStar1
Your name must be on the title to the house? And on the mortgage? If so, he cannot sell the house or even legally list it without your signature.
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
What a bunch of angry quacking, which.... whatever.
But the stuff about your DS? THAT'S the stuff that puts my Mama Bear back up & makes me scary-furious. I always have to take a big step back & make sure my next steps are ACTING not REACTING.
:uzi2:
((((((HUGS)))))))
But the stuff about your DS? THAT'S the stuff that puts my Mama Bear back up & makes me scary-furious. I always have to take a big step back & make sure my next steps are ACTING not REACTING.
:uzi2:
((((((HUGS)))))))
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you also need to open a new account at a new bank in your name only and do NOT let him know about it. cancel all direct deposits, auto billing, and get your pay and finances completely away from that other bank. and m'dear do it now, like today.
he's showing you he's capable of some serious stuff here. cheerfully willing to wipe you out and leave you with nothing. you need to stop trying to have TALKS with him....and have absolutely NO face to face, close contact with him - at the home or even in public. this isn't a scare tactic, this is REALITY.
he's showing you he's capable of some serious stuff here. cheerfully willing to wipe you out and leave you with nothing. you need to stop trying to have TALKS with him....and have absolutely NO face to face, close contact with him - at the home or even in public. this isn't a scare tactic, this is REALITY.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 537
Thanks everyone, I opened my own accounts several months ago, and whilst we have joint accounts (and mortgages) there wasn't that much money in there except the one where our two monthly pays had just gone in. I operate out of my own account now, and our joint ac I've left for him and I just put money in there for him. He'd got to the bank and discovered this before I had a chance to pull our monthly pays. I've changed my pay to my own account now...nothing I can do about his obviously.
He can't put the house on the market without my signature. So that's rubbish talk....he's not capable of it right now anyway.
It's still hard to believe this is where we are at.
But this IS the reality of where we are at...so to take Butterfly's quote...it's time for me to take action and not wait for others to do it for me. I just need to work out what I am going to do for housing etc. talk to the lawyer early next week and then enter the battle of negotiating with someone who has no capability to think.
He can't put the house on the market without my signature. So that's rubbish talk....he's not capable of it right now anyway.
It's still hard to believe this is where we are at.
But this IS the reality of where we are at...so to take Butterfly's quote...it's time for me to take action and not wait for others to do it for me. I just need to work out what I am going to do for housing etc. talk to the lawyer early next week and then enter the battle of negotiating with someone who has no capability to think.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Sometimes it is so hard to realize or believe that we are or were living with the enemy. Once you see them do that is so mind boggling to you, I guess you kind of turn numb.
It looks like you can see this already, it took me years to do that. Call it denial. I was in there for so long.
Just ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
It looks like you can see this already, it took me years to do that. Call it denial. I was in there for so long.
Just ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
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