Blossom717

So Since I have left xabf, I have realized many things. One is that he really did control me more than I even knew. He is still trying. Changing the time that we had planned to have a visitation, not letting me come get the rest of my things. He decided to bring the stuff to me. (by the way, he had refused to give me any of dd's things...when he heard that my brother's 6 year old twins were more grown up than he was and had given dd some of their toys he gave me her things!)

He wouldn't bring the stuff unless he knew that DD and I would be home. Which gave him (what he thought) was the perfect excuse to know my whereabouts all last weekend. I didn't give in. He tried to text my mom to get answers.

Anyway, I still get a little shaky by not agreeing to everything he wants. I still give in more than I should (with visits/times/meeting places) but Each time I am getting stronger. He didn't call DD all weekend, said he didn't have signal. But he could text me and my mom the whole time.


The only thing I'm having a hard time with is with dd. She loves her daddy, shes 3. She gets scared of him but I know she misses him. She wanted to call him over the weekend so I let her. He didn't answer and never called her back. It broke her heart and mine for her. But she has seemed to move on quickly, my brother told me to call him next time so he can talk to her. I'm lucky to have that support.

Tonight we are meeting a fast food place so he can visit, then I'm meeting a lawyer on the other side of town. I have to take DD bc I don't have a sitter. It should be interesting .



I guess what I wanted to say with this post was whenever I saw you all say "its hard to leave, but its better" I didn't believe you at first. I was terrified of the repercussions, the hate. You know what? Its hard. The hardest thing I have ever done. BUT. I am so much lighter. I sleep better. I am a little more relaxed. Sure there is a long road ahead. We still have court to go to, a fight to fight, and I can't live at my mom's forever. But this is a start.

hopeful4

(((Blossom)))

You are doing great!!! You are lucky to have your brother. He can be a positive role model in little Blossom's life, that is a great thing! One thing she will know for sure is that you are her constant, that you are always there for her, doing what is right for her.

You are so strong. I am so glad you are finding some peace!

Tight Hugs!!!! XXX

lillamy

Yep. I'll toast to that (in coffee)!
It is hard. It's hard to stay firm on visitation, it's hard to not give in when you've got years of practice doing it. But you're doing it. Look at you!!! (((hugs)))

ashamed2day

Great job and recognizing what is happening and working on it. Progress not perfection. In no time it will be a thing of the past.

meggem

thanks for posting that...it's giving me hope

KidsR#1

You are doing great! Keep it up! It is hard, but yet there is relief or even some inner peace.

Wonderful that your brother is willing to step in with the phone calls. I always keep a mental list of who the kids can call if the person that want to contact isn't available, whether it be a cousin, grandparent, friend, etc. Very easy to do with a 3 yr old as most love to talk to anybody on the phone.

PunchDrunk

Attagirl!

Blossom717

He cancelled last minute on the visit last night. texted me at 5 that he couldn't make it because he had to work late....hes in construction (so am I, but in office)...he gets off at 3:30 and never stays later than 4:30. hmm...my mom and I saw on facebook how his family/friends are saying they are all "biting their tongues" (directed towards me).


I guarantee that they don't know about him not calling her, skipping out on the visit, and not agreeing to go to mediation. They can bite their tongues all they want. I told my mom that it may bother us, but we can't harp on it because the truth always comes out. I am by no means perfect. She acted out all night last night after he cancelled the visit and I spent a good part of the night yelling at her more than I usually do. (she keeps pulling the dogs tails at my moms...I'm terrified she will get bit!) So I couldn't sleep last night because I felt guilty. But today is a new day.

So...its better for sure that we don't have to deal with his inconsistency so much. But I think she and I definitely need to find a hobby we can share. Any suggestions?

Florence

I have a three year old too. Best thing I did for us right after the split was buy a bike with a baby seat. We ride almost daily. It's meditative to be outside and she thrives on seeing all the activity. I go to bed tired.

I don't know what kind of shape you're in, but I'm overweight and have been an off and on smoker for fifteen years. No matter! I got in shape really fast and can ride miles and miles now with no problem.

Craigslist has stuff on the cheap. I started with a cheap bike and a pull behind baby cart. She takes a snack and toys in the back and we ride. We ride to the drug store, the library, the park, or just to get out. It's pretty awesome. It have me something to focus on that provided happiness and activity in a time of darkness and despair.

Whatever you choose, try to find something you to outside. I've read numerous places it changes your brain chemistry, and I believe it.

Blossom717

Florence - That is a wonderful idea! I used to jog and at one point I had a jogging stroller to push her in. Maybe I could start that back up.

The bike thing sounds fun though....I never even thought about doing that!