Hy hubby just called.....
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 175
Hy hubby just called.....
My hubby lost his job in December around Christmas. He did get a new job in January. He didn't pay any child support for six weeks. When he started paying again HE decided what and when he was going to pay me money. We agreed on a certain amount when we separated and when he lost his job I lowered the amount to help him out. Just like me, always thinking what's best for him instead of myself.
He would lie to me about depositing money and then some weeks he put what ever he wanted in without telling me the amount (It was always not the agreed upon amount. I got sick of playing his games so I filed a petition for child support. He was so pissed when he received the summons for court. He told me well I don't care what you have to do you better take care of it because I'm not going to court. Well he didn't show up for the hearing and court services served him again in person. He had to appear today for failure to show. He called angry with me because it's my fault he has to get an attorney and appear again to show just cause why he failed to appear the first time. It carries a $1000 fine and or 10 day jail time.
He blames me of course because I didn't have to do this to him. What about the fact that if he had of appeared the first time that he would not have been served to go again. He choose not to go. I was there.
Even though he's in recovery he still blames everything on everyone else but himself. Last night, I was so proud of myself. I spoke to him to let him know that he'll need a good excuse in court today on why he failed to appear the last hearing. He asked what should I say, i told him that he'll have to figure it out all on his own. He kept saying I need your help but I didn't listen I just kept saying you got yourself into this, you get yourself out of it. So, for the first time I didn't take care of it, I didn't fix his problem. That was a very big step for me. We're both used to me fixing all of the problems. I use to cover up, make excuses, clean up his mess, bail him out of jail, pay his bills, etc.etc.etc.
I went to my first Al-anon meeting Wednesday night. I have been thinking about going for 6 months and finally went. I am so glad that I did. It was like this huge weight had been ifted. I'm going to one tonight too!
My husband did call back to apologize after we hung up. He said he was wrong to blame me that it was his fault BUT, we didn't have to go through all of the court stuff that we could have worked it out between the two of us. There is always a but with him... I'm sorry but... I only did it because.... I'm so sick of hearing all the excuses...
He just called me again....He said he's going to an AA meeting but it sounds like he's stressed and with him it's the nearest bar when he's stressed. I will be very shocked to talk to him later tonight to find him sober. Hopefully, i'm wrong but with him I don't have a whole lot of faith. He has told me so many things over the years just to be disappointed. I'm sorry it'll never happen again.. I promise I'm going to quit drinking....I love you, I don't want anyone but you...I didn't have anything to drink or I only had one meanwhile he can't even stnd up or talk without slurring.
Sorry, I'm just venting...thanks for listening.
[This message has been edited by helluvagalnva (edited April 05, 2002).]
He would lie to me about depositing money and then some weeks he put what ever he wanted in without telling me the amount (It was always not the agreed upon amount. I got sick of playing his games so I filed a petition for child support. He was so pissed when he received the summons for court. He told me well I don't care what you have to do you better take care of it because I'm not going to court. Well he didn't show up for the hearing and court services served him again in person. He had to appear today for failure to show. He called angry with me because it's my fault he has to get an attorney and appear again to show just cause why he failed to appear the first time. It carries a $1000 fine and or 10 day jail time.
He blames me of course because I didn't have to do this to him. What about the fact that if he had of appeared the first time that he would not have been served to go again. He choose not to go. I was there.
Even though he's in recovery he still blames everything on everyone else but himself. Last night, I was so proud of myself. I spoke to him to let him know that he'll need a good excuse in court today on why he failed to appear the last hearing. He asked what should I say, i told him that he'll have to figure it out all on his own. He kept saying I need your help but I didn't listen I just kept saying you got yourself into this, you get yourself out of it. So, for the first time I didn't take care of it, I didn't fix his problem. That was a very big step for me. We're both used to me fixing all of the problems. I use to cover up, make excuses, clean up his mess, bail him out of jail, pay his bills, etc.etc.etc.
I went to my first Al-anon meeting Wednesday night. I have been thinking about going for 6 months and finally went. I am so glad that I did. It was like this huge weight had been ifted. I'm going to one tonight too!
My husband did call back to apologize after we hung up. He said he was wrong to blame me that it was his fault BUT, we didn't have to go through all of the court stuff that we could have worked it out between the two of us. There is always a but with him... I'm sorry but... I only did it because.... I'm so sick of hearing all the excuses...
He just called me again....He said he's going to an AA meeting but it sounds like he's stressed and with him it's the nearest bar when he's stressed. I will be very shocked to talk to him later tonight to find him sober. Hopefully, i'm wrong but with him I don't have a whole lot of faith. He has told me so many things over the years just to be disappointed. I'm sorry it'll never happen again.. I promise I'm going to quit drinking....I love you, I don't want anyone but you...I didn't have anything to drink or I only had one meanwhile he can't even stnd up or talk without slurring.
Sorry, I'm just venting...thanks for listening.
[This message has been edited by helluvagalnva (edited April 05, 2002).]
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