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We decided to separate

Old 09-05-2014, 01:23 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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So, now I have to laugh. So, he fought me on spending money on fixing up the pool so that I could possibly sell this house faster when it comes time, right? Today we were talking amiably about a cleaning product and the hard water staining we have on our fixtures and he says, "I think that's why we should go with the soft water loop and have that installed soon." Again.....ummm, was he not just fighting me on spending money on this house 3 days ago and now he wants to spend $1000 on a water softening system? Talk about spinning in circles.

FYI: I worked it out with the pool guy where he will just fix my tile, fix the pebble tec cracks and repaint my deck to a mono-chromatic color instead of completing resurfacing the pool. That should cut my costs considerably!! If AH hadn't painted the deck himself in 3 hideous colors (it's a stamped concrete) last year and did the job poorly, I wouldn't have had to think about fixing it, LOL!

I'm getting ready to start painting the baseboards in the kitchen and baths this weekend. Weird, but AH and I are getting along beautifully now, which I'm trying really hard to NOT try to pick it apart and make something of it. I know he's still sick and that things could turn on a dime.
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Old 09-05-2014, 02:05 PM
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Lizatola.....based on past history I get the feeling that he is just playing games again....that the "separation" plan is just another folly of his.....that will somehow just disappear into the sky after he has tied your brain into knots.....

I would hope not....but past history is a good predictor of future behavior.....

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Old 09-05-2014, 02:37 PM
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
Lizatola.....based on past history I get the feeling that he is just playing games again....that the "separation" plan is just another folly of his.....that will somehow just disappear into the sky after he has tied your brain into knots.....

I would hope not....but past history is a good predictor of future behavior.....

dandylion
Yep. Just stop talking to him. You'll save yourself a ton of stress.
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Old 09-06-2014, 08:35 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
Lizatola.....based on past history I get the feeling that he is just playing games again....that the "separation" plan is just another folly of his.....that will somehow just disappear into the sky after he has tied your brain into knots.....

I would hope not....but past history is a good predictor of future behavior.....

dandylion
You know, the more I interact with him I get the feeling that he doesn't know what the he** he's doing. I truly believe deep down that there is a part of him that is scared sh*tless to lose us because we're the only family he has. The few very good friends he has are out of state, despite how active he is in playing tennis with guys at the club.

I have a feeling that he will try to keep things status quo for a while. He told me the other day that he will pray to God to ask Him to help me be less fearful and less angry. Too bad the prayer didn't say, "God, please help ME....." instead of please help HER. I have no problem with people praying for me but it sounded like he wants me to, once again, have no problem with how he behaves and to have no emotional reaction to it. Drinking and driving again, risking 4 months in prison and a serious financial calamity for the family? Sure, no problem, God has removed all my fears and now it's OK? Right.....

Reality sucks, LOL.
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Old 09-06-2014, 08:50 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Just because he is a mess and doesn't know "what the he** he is doing"---that is inside HIS hoola hoop. Just because he can "turn on a dime" doesn't mean that you have to.
You say that the two of you decided to separate......
Well, you can still keep your decision regardless of what he does with his half!!

I remember a year or so ago.....you decided to move out....and went looking at houses. He became very sweet and accomodating, at that point....and, your plans shut down.
the pattern that I see...from the outside....is that when you detach a l ittle from him.....he pulls the rope and you come back into the fold. It is like he is dangling the hope and you are on the end of it. Somehow, whatever he says or does....he is still in control.

This is the way it looks, to me.....

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