What I Realized in the ER
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
Were my daughter to say that to me, I'd be quite angry at her and think she'd lost her marbles.
Why? Cause I am beyond THRILLED to be a single mom. I love it. I had a pretty terrific marriage to her dad but I still will stay single till ...forever as far as I care.
My kid might not really like her dad sometimes, isn't much interested in him, he's not sure how to handle pre teen stuff (me neither) but she's under no illusion that anyone NEEDS a partner for any reason other than love.
I don't think the kid should be able to say those type of things to you and actually make this impression. Your response is worriesome....but with the ER trip maybe that's why your off kilter right now? I hope you feel better asap.
Am really trying to take things at face value here.
Why? Cause I am beyond THRILLED to be a single mom. I love it. I had a pretty terrific marriage to her dad but I still will stay single till ...forever as far as I care.
My kid might not really like her dad sometimes, isn't much interested in him, he's not sure how to handle pre teen stuff (me neither) but she's under no illusion that anyone NEEDS a partner for any reason other than love.
I don't think the kid should be able to say those type of things to you and actually make this impression. Your response is worriesome....but with the ER trip maybe that's why your off kilter right now? I hope you feel better asap.
Am really trying to take things at face value here.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: CA
Posts: 10,681
When Pippi posts a thread say what you feel is an appropriate answer and then walk away.
Whether she agrees or disagrees with the advice is up to her.
To continue to argue just creates and feeds a lot of drama and is not healthy for anyone.
Whether she agrees or disagrees with the advice is up to her.
To continue to argue just creates and feeds a lot of drama and is not healthy for anyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Santa Rosa CA
Posts: 240
Originally Posted by fandy 
i believe that you need more rest, medication for your apparent anxiety and perhaps find a good therapist to discuss your issues. You come across as always so needy for male attention.
I've found that my life as many different facets, the kids are only one part.
I think your kids will be fine if they have one emotionally healthy parent, you can get there if you stop your competition to top yourself.
get a job, get a normal routine, get to know yourself, stop the manic searching for men. Good things will happen if you heal emotionally.
I've found that my life as many different facets, the kids are only one part.
I think your kids will be fine if they have one emotionally healthy parent, you can get there if you stop your competition to top yourself.
get a job, get a normal routine, get to know yourself, stop the manic searching for men. Good things will happen if you heal emotionally.
this
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
HI
I don't see anyone as attacking you in this thread. I see many people telling you things that you likely do not want to hear. That is very different than attacking someone. It is tough, I know.
You made a choice decades ago to be a stay at home mom. You had four kids and believed your husband would support you and them forever. Well, if he was not sick and an A, then maybe that vision would be realized. However, that is not the case for you now. Being a well cared for stay at home mom with a supportive husband is not the hand you have been dealt currently. It could happen again in the future, but not anytime soon. No man (who is remotely healthy) would get involved with someone in the midst of so much turmoil and transition. That happens in movies, not real life. In real life the men attracted to women in your current (not forever) position and mindset are not good guys, they are broken and opportunists. Yes, those are blanket statements and sure there are anomalies, but it is what it is.
Your kids need a sane parent. That might be a lot of pressure, but you are very smart. That is easy to see.
Therapy would help you very much become sane/more sane. It has always helped to ground me and challenge my preconceived notions and directions. There is no short cut to getting better emotionally. Like you train your body to do better and perform, you must train your mind to think better and make better decisions. Therapy can help with that. If money is an obstacle for intensive therapy for you, I would trade off the gym membership in favor of therapy co-payments...but that is just me. I exercise for free everyday.
I don't see anyone as attacking you in this thread. I see many people telling you things that you likely do not want to hear. That is very different than attacking someone. It is tough, I know.
You made a choice decades ago to be a stay at home mom. You had four kids and believed your husband would support you and them forever. Well, if he was not sick and an A, then maybe that vision would be realized. However, that is not the case for you now. Being a well cared for stay at home mom with a supportive husband is not the hand you have been dealt currently. It could happen again in the future, but not anytime soon. No man (who is remotely healthy) would get involved with someone in the midst of so much turmoil and transition. That happens in movies, not real life. In real life the men attracted to women in your current (not forever) position and mindset are not good guys, they are broken and opportunists. Yes, those are blanket statements and sure there are anomalies, but it is what it is.
Your kids need a sane parent. That might be a lot of pressure, but you are very smart. That is easy to see.
Therapy would help you very much become sane/more sane. It has always helped to ground me and challenge my preconceived notions and directions. There is no short cut to getting better emotionally. Like you train your body to do better and perform, you must train your mind to think better and make better decisions. Therapy can help with that. If money is an obstacle for intensive therapy for you, I would trade off the gym membership in favor of therapy co-payments...but that is just me. I exercise for free everyday.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
If I can find them a good father and they have asked me and dream of that, I don't know why I shouldn't begin to try.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Babe, no need to disclose anything you don't want to. I was just wondering if you were struggling with something you weren't talking about. That's all. I'm sorry if I appeared to be prying in a hurtful way.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
I don't know if it's possible for you, Pippi, to work in your new country or not. But I have long believed that working keeps me out of trouble. It keeps my mind occupied, I don't have to invent crises because I have real, actual ones that I have to work through, I earn enough money to not have to be tied in to my AXH any more than is absolutely necessary, it prioritizes and orders our lives, and my children have learned that they have a mom that they can count on. It also keeps my family's priorities in line.
All in all, a VERY good thing.
All in all, a VERY good thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Geez, folks, I start work in less than 2 weeks. I keep telling you.
In the meantime, I suppose I need to keep the question of my romantic life away from here. I seem to be disrupting the social order on SR. A little of my formerly rebellious nature is returning to me. Which I think is actually a sign of health. All the talk and inference here about my low self esteem and such - I don't know. I am feeling pretty good these days. Minus the hospital stay, but just ran a modest 10 km in spite of doctor's orders and I feel much better. My gut is sensitive but nothing wrong with my legs.
I am not intentionally trying to upset anyone. I just question the 'one-size-fits-all' approach to some matters here. I think if folks were truly comfortable with their decisions they would be less unnecessarily hostile about someone exploring a different path.
Jmho.
I appreciate that most of us here has been through h*ll in some variation or other, and everyone thinks their way out should be someone else's. I don't need to be right. I just have to follow my best judgement. Might not look like it to some of you, but I am pretty sure I'm mostly moving forward.
In the meantime, I suppose I need to keep the question of my romantic life away from here. I seem to be disrupting the social order on SR. A little of my formerly rebellious nature is returning to me. Which I think is actually a sign of health. All the talk and inference here about my low self esteem and such - I don't know. I am feeling pretty good these days. Minus the hospital stay, but just ran a modest 10 km in spite of doctor's orders and I feel much better. My gut is sensitive but nothing wrong with my legs.
I am not intentionally trying to upset anyone. I just question the 'one-size-fits-all' approach to some matters here. I think if folks were truly comfortable with their decisions they would be less unnecessarily hostile about someone exploring a different path.
Jmho.
I appreciate that most of us here has been through h*ll in some variation or other, and everyone thinks their way out should be someone else's. I don't need to be right. I just have to follow my best judgement. Might not look like it to some of you, but I am pretty sure I'm mostly moving forward.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
As of late ALL of your threads turn into train wrecks and you contradict yourself though out every one of them.
When you keep upsetting so many - perhaps its time to step back and look at what YOU are saying. Can it be that so many are just "one fits all" mentality and you got it all figured out?
You blame shift a lot. "if folks were truly comfortable with their decisions they would be less unnecessarily hostile about someone exploring a different path". There is no hostility in this thread. I see a group of the same people trying to make headway with you only for you to turn on them when you don't like what they have to say.
If you just want people to agree with you, and clearly that's your intent, an open forum isn't the best place to accomplish that.
When you keep upsetting so many - perhaps its time to step back and look at what YOU are saying. Can it be that so many are just "one fits all" mentality and you got it all figured out?
You blame shift a lot. "if folks were truly comfortable with their decisions they would be less unnecessarily hostile about someone exploring a different path". There is no hostility in this thread. I see a group of the same people trying to make headway with you only for you to turn on them when you don't like what they have to say.
If you just want people to agree with you, and clearly that's your intent, an open forum isn't the best place to accomplish that.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
The day before ER, though, DD14 told me in front of the other children that she wanted me to remarry because she wants a real father. The others backed her up. I heard this from them before once, but not from her so much.
So in ER I am thinking about this.
I feel like I owe my children more. I could find them a father, too. I really don't want to. I want their father to get better. Still. I must be crazy.
Actually, Mom...you are! You are the glue that holds them all in place.
I think you would be doing your kids a great disservice, along with yourself, if you don't address this with them and say "hey, Mom is very ok and am not in need of that. You have a father, with his faults....etc..." and whatever other wisdom can be shared to your tribe.
I know I did another post that wasn't addressed and am cool with no reply to this one either. I can see how these threads are going, but have no investment and I am leery of doing "advice" type stuff.
Am near posting this more for me as have had a large loss and am keeping busy and blah blah blarghhhhhhhh...infinity.
I've seen before how what started a thread dissolves into something else. Just something about your very first posts screamed "no no n o no no!" to me and it has everything to do with how your kids are somehow (???) convincing you that you need to do this drastic thing you speak of.
Cheerio,
L
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Do you think maybe, in their own way and not knowing how else to verbalise their feelings, your kids were trying to say that they think it is okay for you to move on with your life?
That if you met a new man, they would be okay with it, even happy about it?
They might not have said it as adults would. Maybe the bit about a 'new father' was not meant how it sounds, but the general drift was they would be happy if you had a partner?
Perhaps there is a bit of over analysing going on in this thread.
It was simply meant as 'if you meet someone new, we would be okay with it?'
I don't know your background that well.
But I can sympathise with having endless days of sickness, the feeling wretched, having children to look after, becoming badly dehydrated and needing IV treatment in hospital. It happened to me until recently every couple of weeks due to a health problem. Its an awful situation to be in, especially on your own.
I recognise your thoughts about finding someone as normal.
I often think the same thing, especially as I am the lone parent left while he has a new family.
I often daydream about finding the right man, being married, being happy in love forever after.
Is that not just day dreaming and everyone does that to some extent.
I also strongly believe it will happen one day. I have even planned my dress, the cake and where we will live. But the next day, I'm back to I am never sharing my life, my daughter, my finances, a home with another man again.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that some thoughts are just human nature but the important thing is recognising them as just that and not going off at the deep end to make them happen and regretting it later.
That if you met a new man, they would be okay with it, even happy about it?
They might not have said it as adults would. Maybe the bit about a 'new father' was not meant how it sounds, but the general drift was they would be happy if you had a partner?
Perhaps there is a bit of over analysing going on in this thread.
It was simply meant as 'if you meet someone new, we would be okay with it?'
I don't know your background that well.
But I can sympathise with having endless days of sickness, the feeling wretched, having children to look after, becoming badly dehydrated and needing IV treatment in hospital. It happened to me until recently every couple of weeks due to a health problem. Its an awful situation to be in, especially on your own.
I recognise your thoughts about finding someone as normal.
I often think the same thing, especially as I am the lone parent left while he has a new family.
I often daydream about finding the right man, being married, being happy in love forever after.
Is that not just day dreaming and everyone does that to some extent.
I also strongly believe it will happen one day. I have even planned my dress, the cake and where we will live. But the next day, I'm back to I am never sharing my life, my daughter, my finances, a home with another man again.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that some thoughts are just human nature but the important thing is recognising them as just that and not going off at the deep end to make them happen and regretting it later.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
"Minus the hospital stay, but just ran a modest 10 km in spite of doctor's orders and I feel much better. My gut is sensitive but nothing wrong with my legs".
perhaps not but getting knocked unconscious and the *collapsing of your intestinal walls* just on Sunday (it is now Tuesday), then jumping up and running 6.2 miles seems like a really asinine thing to do if you are so severely dehydrated, however..you know so much more than your doctors....just throw it in for effect to attempt to make us believe you are invincible.
the one thing I do believe is that you do owe your children more, like emotional stability and mature behavior. You stated that you will be 50 soon.
perhaps not but getting knocked unconscious and the *collapsing of your intestinal walls* just on Sunday (it is now Tuesday), then jumping up and running 6.2 miles seems like a really asinine thing to do if you are so severely dehydrated, however..you know so much more than your doctors....just throw it in for effect to attempt to make us believe you are invincible.
the one thing I do believe is that you do owe your children more, like emotional stability and mature behavior. You stated that you will be 50 soon.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 609
While I didn't say a peep about that in my last post, I so agree with Fandy.
That doesn't sound like taking care of yourself at all.
It near sounds like you are doing some self harm. Yes I know you state you
are fine-ish. But it's frankly scary reading some of your posts.
That doesn't sound like taking care of yourself at all.
It near sounds like you are doing some self harm. Yes I know you state you
are fine-ish. But it's frankly scary reading some of your posts.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
