Timetoheal12

Hi everyone, I can't post a link in here, however my first thread is called "He dumped me", if you want to see it.




After all of that happened, two days ago he contacted me to say to me that I was the only person he has ever loved. I didn't answered, and I won't do it, however, my mind is all chaos since that happened.

I've been over thinking the whole situation. I know I shouldn't be back with him, and I won't.

He believes I have a new bf, because my relationship status on facebook is "on a relationship" (...this is not true, i have no bf right now) but I will let him believe that in hopes he will just stay away from me.

I don't want him to keep messing me, so I can't let him.
I still feel something towards him, that's why.




Is it possible that they really feel what they say?






Thanks for reading. Please lend me your support to know that I can't be with him because of his issue. I already know it but right now I need to hear it.

Katiekate

Sounds like this is a repeat of the last time you got back with him.

I think you are smart to stay away, you are 20, lots of life ahead of you, as you said your feelings are all confused, there is a reason for that, a good one, he can not be consistent in a relationship, you don't need it honey.

Move forward, talk to your parents about what is going on, let them guide and comfort you.

Katie

ashamed2day

Timetoheal12- Good for you for knowing this is not normal/healthy behavior.

These type of relationships are guaranteed nothing but pain and disappointment.

At 20 years old you have the whole world at your fingertips. Keep moving forward and work on you.

I would suggest a book called codependent no more there are exercises for you to work on.

I came across this post on the substance side. It is so accurate I had to print it and carry it around when I was feeling sad.

What Addicts Do

My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.

And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________


Have A Great 24
-jon

NYCDoglvr

No. For alcoholics booze is their God, higher power, most important thing in life. Add to this alcoholics will do and say anything to hang on to their enablers. Does he love you so much he quit drinking? Talk is cheap and should you return it will be more of the same.

Sorry to be so unromantic.

honeypig

Timetoheal12, ashamed2day's post reminded me of this, which is also something I saved from an old thread here. I really liked it b/c it focuses on how, even though we feel as if we are harming and abandoning the addict by ending our relationship, in reality we are setting them free to follow their own course in life, whatever that may be. I hope you find it helpful also.

I am an addict
You can't make me clean, though I know it is what you want for me to be, but until I want it, I won't be. You can't love me clean, because until I learn to love myself, I won't be. I know you must wonder how I can learn to love myself when I am caught up in a life style of self-hatred and self-destruction. I can learn from my own experiences. I can learn from the things that happen to me along the path of my own mistakes. I can learn by being allowed to suffer the consequences of my choices. Life has a funny way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn.
I know it devastates you to watch me hurting myself. I know you want to jump in and save me. This helps ease your pain, but I don't think you understand just how damaging it is to me.
You see, although I look and sound like your loved one, I am not. That person is in a self-imposed prison way deep down inside of my being and what you see before you is an addict ruled and reigned by my addiction. I am an addict and my main focus is to feed the addiction. Every effort you put forth in the name of "helping me" falls prey to my addiction, giving it more power to shackle me down a little more each time.
I feed my addiction enough, so please don't help me.
The only way for the real me to get free is to be free. FREE to fall as far down as I need to go in order to find the strength to fight and find my way back, to break free.
How can or will I ever be able to get clean, you wonder...
The same way I gave myself over to my addiction is the same way I can give myself over to my recovery. BY MYSELF.
By not enabling me, you will be allowing me to reach "rock bottom". By trusting the process, you move over and allow me to find my own way back. You see, it is in the fight to get free that I will find myself. It is in the fight that I will learn to love myself, and the more I love myself, the more I will start to do to better myself, but I myself must do this.
I am aware that when I use, I am playing Russian roulette with my life. I know this, but that is a chance I take when I use. The addict in me is willing to take that chance in the name of getting high.
Rock bottom is but a circumstance away. I can't reach it if you are blocking the entrance.
I know you love me and you only want what's best for me, but that very love keeps you blind sighted to just what truly is best for me and causes you to act from/out of fear and emotions.

Please for my sake, don't try to stop me. Just let me go. Move out of the way and let me fall as far down as my addiction is going to take me, as far down as I have to, to reach rock bottom. Don't try to cushion the fall. Just believe in me and trust the process. Pray for me that when I do hit, it is not with the impact that leaves me for dead (I know that is your greatest fear), but if it comes to that, be sure to tell my story so that others might learn from my mistakes and live.
Passion
Recovering addict

Timetoheal12

Thanks everyone for your responses. I have been very busy with college, so I basically have no real time to be dwelling on the obvious...
But your responses mean a lot to me, no matter how "unromantic" they may seen. Because they are sincere. And the real thing is, no matter what, he can't love. No matter what words he use, or anything...
He just wants to suffer and I don't need that.


Thank you. I'll be working on myself to get to the point were I can only see him for what he is, with no doubts at all.

hopeful4

I don't mean to be rude, but is it possible you changed your status knowing he would see it in the hopes he would contact you?? Just a thought, you don't even need to answer.

You are right, you don't need to suffer. Stay strong and stay away from people in life who bring you suffering.

XXX

Timetoheal12

I did it because I thought it was pathetic to seem that I was still waiting for him. I think (because of my past actions when we got back together) that he may have thought that he had a chance to keep me there to use me when he wanted. So I basically didn't wanted to look like a doormat...

And the weird thing is that he contacted me even before I changed my status, so, no.

I won't lie and say I haven't thought of the good times and romanticized things.... but no.

hopeful4

I hope you did not take offense to that as it was not meant that way. I don't blame you for not wanting to look like a doormat either! Your not!

A loonnnggg time ago (and I am talking 17-18 years) I sent myself flowers and called my XAH and said thank you! I did it to make him jealous LOL. It worked, but it was really stupid.

We are now divorced!

OK...running out of the thread dying of embarrassment right now! At least I am honest, right??

Keep on keeping on!!! You can do this! XXX

Timetoheal12

Don't be embarrassed, the great thing here is that you are far away from him now.

Thanks a lot for your support.