I Caught Him!!

Old 03-14-2002, 02:14 PM
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Exclamation I Caught Him!!

Hi everyone I have a little something to share!

Today I came home from work...just a normal day. I went down to the basement and walked on the treadmill and when I came upstairs the hubby was home. He was standing in the kitchen sucking on a bottle of vodka.

Now the interesting part of this story is that I have been married to this man for 20 years. I have been an anon for 10 and I have never actually SEEN how he gets so drunk so fast. I have had my suspisions but that is all they were.

You know how I felt?? VINDICATED!!!! I have been around long enough to know to trust my gut, but I still don't, I guess. And every time (almost) I feel something in my gut it turns out to be true. I also feel alittle angry....suprisingly not alot angry. All the times that I knew that he got too drunk too fast and I called him on it he would tell me I was nuts. That tics me off...the lieing. But it's pretty typical. He's not an inovative kind of guy.

Now what did I do? I made few comments about how sneaking swigs of staight vodka is not normal behavior and let it go at that. One thing that I HAVE learned is not to give them a reason to blame YOU. And if I came out snapping and spitting I would become the bad guy. Let him look in not out.

All these years I have doubted my own judgment. When I would leave for an hour and he was just fine sitting there drinking a beer when I left, and I would come home and he would be cross eyed doing the head bob thing when I got home and he would say I was crazy!

What have I learned? To trust myself...I hope I have learned that finally! When there is a big purple elephant in the room and someone is trying to convince me that it is not there....that's a problem.

This story may seem mild but it is BIG for me. My H is a very functional guy..and I am not comfortable labling him an A...that is his job. But the fact that he just checks out alot of evenings and leaves me emotionally and physically alone makes me mad when he does it. And it hurts.

I am happy to have have found this site. I am not actively going to face to face meetings right now...we moved and I haven't felt the urgency, plus it is hard to start w/ all new people. I have a strong base in my recovery but the occasional kick in the pants is always helpful and I am finding it here.

Any thoughts?? Just Tired

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Old 03-14-2002, 02:30 PM
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Hi JT!

Well, I know exactly what you mean about feeling vindicated. But now I bet you feel a little like a dog that actually caught the car they were chasing. What now?

It's funny how much proof we seem to require to believe we're not the crazy ones.

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Old 03-14-2002, 03:13 PM
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Very insiteful Smoke!

What now?? Probably nothing...we have been going on like this for so long what is really the difference.
I am not into huge blow ups...been there done that....and it doesn't accomplish a thing. I was just fixing dinner and he was sitting there watching me....doing the head bob thing...hell, he probably won't remember!
Knowing me, I will throw out a remark whenever the mood strikes me. But that isn't right either, is it? So now I am feeling very smug. What the heck do I do with that?

Just Tired

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Old 03-14-2002, 06:56 PM
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Hi Tired,
Boy, I was laughing myself silly after reading your post! Why? Because for the last 2 years my husband fell over in his food, waking up only to find an ENTIRE bowl of melted ice cream in his lap, or having dropped a lit ciggarette on himself, wake up shaking his head in that dopey, head bobbing way wondering why he was on fire. He passed out at the drop of a hat and wouldnt remember anything. The really strange thing about my h is he would agree with me when I told him about the things he did. Instead of denying it, he would make up a reason he did it. He searched the internet to find a "disease" that could be used to describe his passing out for "no reason" And he named that disease ABSONSE SEISURES. Why there was no way it could be the ton of oxycontins he took daily! I wish now, I had taken videos of it. He would die of embarassment,(and I would have my "proof") but 'HEAD BOBBING" is a real hoot of a description! My husbands name is Bob, so I thats why this struck me so silly and started me laughing. I could see my h bobbing for ice cream.
But now that you caught him in the act, your Husband knows now he isn't fooling YOU!
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Old 03-15-2002, 04:29 AM
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Thanks to you all!

I have had an interesting morning. My feelings of smuggness was eating at me and what Smoke said about catching the car. Now what!?

I think that my HP has been whispering in my ear for a while now that I need to "get with the program" and when I didn't listen He felt that it was time to womp me on the head! First I see my homeless son walking down the street on the coldest day of the year and then after 20yrs I "catch" my husband sucking on a vodka bottle.

I picked up my Courage to Change book this morn for the first time in a long time and guess what. Today's page was about feeling self-ritchous, which was exactly what I was feeling toward my husband. Then I opened the anon Big Book and the book mark that I left there when I had it last (can't remember when) was in chapter 15 about a mother and her son. By now I was looking up at the ceiling saying "What the heck!? Ok Ok....I hear You!"

I don't see these things as coincidences.... my higher power has been hard at work behind the scenes while I wasn't paying attention.

I am going to do my best to not treat my husband like a naughty child...he is a man and can make his own choices. He knows on some level that what he is doing isn't right. Why else would he be hiding it? And I am going to put my son into the hands of God and get out of the way. Then I am going to get back to the buisness of working on ME. My only choice in this matter is what I am going to do...and today...I am going to read my books and get back to face to face meetings. My HP is insisting on it!

Not so tired anymore!
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Old 03-15-2002, 06:44 AM
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Congrats on the wake up. I can see the HP's affects on you by your last line- not so tired anymore. Whatever you decide will be fine cause it will be your decision and you have the HP on your side. Seems to me you are just taking your time to weigh all your options first. Patience is a great thing and you will know when the time is right to act on your feelings.
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Old 03-24-2002, 08:09 AM
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I can't get over how this sounds like my life......
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Old 02-07-2003, 11:32 PM
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Save this one please
Old 02-08-2003, 07:28 AM
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Old 02-08-2003, 07:58 AM
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I "caught" my husband once. Not with alcohol, but with cigarettes, after he had quit for 2 years. This was after telling me for a year everytime I asked him that he was not smoking again and I would be the first person to know if he was. He only smelled like he was smoking because his friend was riding in his truck smoking?!? Then I went to the office late one night and he was there "working". He was smoking!

After years of him telling me I'm fat, lazy, poor mom, poor everything, I suddenly had an aha moment. I'm not so bad after all! I don't out and out lie to him (except maybe to hide what I got him for Christmas). I have never been deceitful. It was a real boost to my ego!

Perhaps, JT, what you "accomplished" by catching him, is a better feeling about yourself. We all could use that.

Hugs, Lyn
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Old 02-08-2003, 10:37 AM
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Just about 1 yr. ago, pretty unbelievable.

Wow, never really talk about the husband much, that must be what recovery looks like.

Good for you!!!!!
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Old 02-08-2003, 12:35 PM
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dear jt,
sounds like you're on the right track in your recovery. i know it's easy to not read odat and all the daily readings and sometimes i let them build up and then i pick up the books and say why did i wait? you've got a lot on your plate and maybe this confirmation that u aren't crazy will put you closer in touch with your hp. i too,have to have things hit me square in the forehead before i accept my instincts were right all along, unfortunately. i hope this discovery gives u more serenity and peace and strength.
the fact that recovery is in your family gives u a leg up from god, even your son's repeated attempts to get straight are all reflections of recovery. i know from your posts how close and loving u r with your family, look upon this revelation as important for your recovery. big hugs and many prayers for u my friend and family
hugs from sugar
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Old 02-09-2003, 07:10 AM
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I admire your strength and courage... You handled your self so well.... I can't say I would do the same... I am going to say a special prayer for you and your family...
Hugs to you,
Love Clowie
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Old 02-09-2003, 05:29 PM
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I too noticed how you said you felt like your Higher Power was finally getting your attention and guiding you as far as what you need to do. Congratulations. Sometimes He has to knock on the door louder than other times before we take notice!

Hugs to you,
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Old 02-10-2003, 04:03 PM
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Sometimes he starts with a whisper..then he knocks. But believe me...if I don't hear the knockin' He will kick it in.

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Old 02-11-2003, 09:36 AM
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JT, not much i can say....I KNOW you got a strong foundation for knowing what to do. No doubt in my mind. Just wanted to tell you that your in my prayers. I dont get a chance to get on here as much, but I think of you all daily. Hang in there.....

Love ya!
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