Aaaaand here I am, overwhelmed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Olney, MD
Posts: 268
Aaaaand here I am, overwhelmed
The day started off crap, and I wasn't able to turn it around. To be honest, I think part of this is the PMDD I have a diagnosis for.
I become weepy, angry, irrational. Now add all the household responsibilities on my shoulders. GAH! No wonder I was able to be so positive up until like, yesterday. I hate hormones.
I did not set out to end the day overwhelmed. I hate this feeling. Being overwhelmed is a bad, bad, red flag for me, I am finding. My cycle goes.....dwelling on negative thoughts, feeling overwhelmed, and then feeling paralyzed and unable to keep moving. In that order. Today it has been minute by minute really, just trying not to fall apart. At this very moment, I don't think I can take another day of this. As screwed up as it sounds, this is harder than when he was drinking. At least I knew what to expect.
I really need some help, more than my mom is able to give me. I am so busy between cleaning, caring for the dogs and Al Anon...........I barely have time to breathe let alone experience any kind of peace. And I forgot to take something out of the freezer to thaw for dinner, so yeah. There's that. On only my paycheck for the forseeable future, eating out is not an option. Although it may sound frivolous, it is way more important to me to have enough money to get my massage Thursday. That is medicine for me. And it really is. I took a complementary and alternative medicine class last semester (working on RN-BSN) and right now for me, I think holistic methods are the ones to turn to.
I am also very nervous because tomorrow will be the first time I see him in over a week. I just hope I wake up tomorrow feeling stronger because managing this house alone BLOWS. Managing the dogs alone BLOWS. They got into a fight tonight because our lab decided to get into our other dog's crate while he was still in there. There was food, I have to throw food in so he will go in there. Just one last exhaustion. And I am exhausted.
I become weepy, angry, irrational. Now add all the household responsibilities on my shoulders. GAH! No wonder I was able to be so positive up until like, yesterday. I hate hormones.
I did not set out to end the day overwhelmed. I hate this feeling. Being overwhelmed is a bad, bad, red flag for me, I am finding. My cycle goes.....dwelling on negative thoughts, feeling overwhelmed, and then feeling paralyzed and unable to keep moving. In that order. Today it has been minute by minute really, just trying not to fall apart. At this very moment, I don't think I can take another day of this. As screwed up as it sounds, this is harder than when he was drinking. At least I knew what to expect.
I really need some help, more than my mom is able to give me. I am so busy between cleaning, caring for the dogs and Al Anon...........I barely have time to breathe let alone experience any kind of peace. And I forgot to take something out of the freezer to thaw for dinner, so yeah. There's that. On only my paycheck for the forseeable future, eating out is not an option. Although it may sound frivolous, it is way more important to me to have enough money to get my massage Thursday. That is medicine for me. And it really is. I took a complementary and alternative medicine class last semester (working on RN-BSN) and right now for me, I think holistic methods are the ones to turn to.
I am also very nervous because tomorrow will be the first time I see him in over a week. I just hope I wake up tomorrow feeling stronger because managing this house alone BLOWS. Managing the dogs alone BLOWS. They got into a fight tonight because our lab decided to get into our other dog's crate while he was still in there. There was food, I have to throw food in so he will go in there. Just one last exhaustion. And I am exhausted.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 215
I understand completely! I experience the same PMDD and today I could not shake it one bit! My therapist was kind enough to see me today bc I work 12-14 hour days during the week. Between therapy, work, Nar-Anon and trying to raise my daughter alone - I too feel like I'm merely existing and not really living. I could not force myself to do anything today. I live at the beach and all I see are tourist enjoying the holiday weekend- this makes me feel even more isolated and alone. My daughter is with my ex her father all weekend too which is not helping either. I really wanted to shake this feeling but just couldn't today. I hope tomorrow is better... For both of us
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
Just keep things simple, that is what worked for me. Especially meals and keeping up with the house. I make meals simple for me and kids. Some nights its grilled cheese and fruit or eggs and sausage. Close the doors to rooms you can't clean that day, do one simple task ie (the dusting or sweeping or vaccuminh) and be proud that you got it done. Are you sleeping enough?
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Olney, MD
Posts: 268
Originally Posted by KidsR#1 
Just keep things simple, that is what worked for me. Especially meals and keeping up with the house. I make meals simple for me and kids. Some nights its grilled cheese and fruit or eggs and sausage. Close the doors to rooms you can't clean that day, do one simple task ie (the dusting or sweeping or vaccuminh) and be proud that you got it done. Are you sleeping enough?
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Maybe take a day off from Alanon? Think about where a very relaxing place is for you, and just go there, take a little picnic, some iced tea, a blanket and just breathe. And then breathe some more. In and out, easy does it.
You don't have to solve anything at all today or tomorrow. You don't have to engage with him tomorrow. You don't even have to be there when he is tomorrow. Everything can happen when it is time for you to have it happen, at the pace you want it to happen.
You've been under really serious stress, and it is normal, in my experience, to just slow down. And sometimes have a real serious case of the "I won't do this chore now. Nope. Not going to do it". And that is okay. The time will come soon enough when you wake up energized and ready to take on some stuff.
Just breathe, and imagine all your SR virtual friends giving you a great big hug.
ShootingStar1
You don't have to solve anything at all today or tomorrow. You don't have to engage with him tomorrow. You don't even have to be there when he is tomorrow. Everything can happen when it is time for you to have it happen, at the pace you want it to happen.
You've been under really serious stress, and it is normal, in my experience, to just slow down. And sometimes have a real serious case of the "I won't do this chore now. Nope. Not going to do it". And that is okay. The time will come soon enough when you wake up energized and ready to take on some stuff.
Just breathe, and imagine all your SR virtual friends giving you a great big hug.
ShootingStar1
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