Recovering2

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Betty Ford has a nationally recognized program for young children of alcoholics. You may want to look on their website for resources that could be of help to you.

I would also HIGHLY caution you about sending all your financial info to your AH. PLEEEZ speak to a lawyer before you just start following his requests. He is looking to remove himself from obligations to you, don't hand over the ammo he needs before you have a lawyer advise you.

Santa

Agree 100% and have seen this one with my own eyes. He'll think everything is just fine, missing all signals otherwise, and "suddenly" be told to clear out his desk.

I would not "send him financial information" either. If he's so lucid he can figure it out for himself.

Very sorry for your son jarp. My teenage son has no father either.

chicory

Jarp... I am sorry especially for the painful things he said about your dear little son. I cannot help but think that he was being a selfish jerk, and knew that he would get you with that one.. make YOU feel guilty. I would imagine that he did not mean that.. but I could be wrong.

my childrens dad once said he would rather see his children dead, than for me to divorce him. He acted like he was serious. Sometimes people can be such total selfish pieces of crap.

hugs honey. get some rest. put his quacking out of your mind for the night. I think it was quacking. he must feel rather invincible after his tests came out so good. Karma will catch up with him.. he will probably spiral out of control and his story will change, in a big way, when he realizes that he isn't Superdrinkerman.

hugs honey. you don't deserve this. Your babies have you, and your love will be enough.

Bullfrog

I know this is hard to see, because it seems so blunt, but he is still attempting to manipulate the situation and you. Tomorrow, he will be raging. The next day, he will be declaring himself father of the year. This is addiction talking.

It's none the less heartbreaking for you, but at least know that it's another weird tactic, and plan your response accordingly.

BoxinRotz

If he wants to walk out of his role as Daddy to your son, then let him! Deep down, he's doing your child a favor by not showing him how an alcoholic can devastate him! I know it hurts to hear him say he wants to be a family friend but your child does not deserve to be confused by this drunken fool and have him play mind games with him.

His high paying job will not last, especially if he's only been there a short while. I bet you a box of crayons that he'll be out of said job before the new year because of him drinking!

And I've heard my drunk AH tell me He could not stop... but he did. They can stop, but only when they've had enough ********! He's not had enough. His life doesn't suck enough. He's not lost enough. He's not done yet.

jarp

You are right. He was abstinent for a week after an episode of spewing bile all over himself on a bathroom floor of a hotel and being in so much pain he couldnt move....but that memory has faded....

jarp

[QUOTE=chicory;4866149]

Superdrinkerman.

QUOTE]

Thanks so much for all the kind thoughts they mean a lot.

And thanks for the goo dlaugh this gave me...its going to be my new name (in my head) for him!

jarp

SAnta can I ask how your son copes with that? Does he have lots of other male role models in his life? I am surrounded by women...

Stung

Wooooowwwww... I'm sending you hugs. Those are the kind of quacks that make me stumble back a few feet because they're so far out there.

Sometime in the last few weeks I was talking to my AH about prayer and he made the comment (and a backstory that was made up) about how he's been raised that you're not supposed to pray for yourself and doing so is selfish. He confessed this week that that was a lie and he said it to get under my skin. That crap reminds me of the crap that your AH is doing. Whether he wants to keep drinking or not, he KNOWS abandoning his son emotionally and physically makes him a dirtbag. Not just to you, but to everyone. Everyone knows that deadbeat dads (being a dad means a LOT more than writing a check) are bad people. He's a miserable drunk and he wants you to think otherwise.

53500

So sorry you had to hear that cruel pile of crap, Jarp - this "family friend" nonsense and just walking away from his role in his son's life, geez!! What a selfish, manipulative jerk.

I agree with everyone else who said, yeah this is what he's saying NOW but he is likely to change his tune many times. And odds are his job won't last. I hope you can get money out of him while he still has some.

He'll have other episodes just as bad and worse as he continues the drinking he loves so much.

CodeJob

Oh Jarp, I just shuddered at your thread. He sounds intent in driving everyone away until it is just him and his drink.

HopefulinFLA

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with his self centered bs. Really I'm just speechless.

How could he possibly expect to pull off the family friend thing with your son? Ludicrous!

And your daughter's father...he's a gem to offer to spend time with your ds. What a nice guy.

Hang in there Jarp!

Santa

My son needs a lot of support. He's on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum and is a super sweet but solitary guy. He's struggled with depression. His grandfather tries to be as present in his life as possible. He has a male therapist. It's tough - there are not a lot of men around. I have no interest in finding a boyfriend.

I don't know if they have it in Australia but if we had split when our kids were younger, I would have looked into the Big Brothers program. Boys in need can be matched with a male mentor to help be a role model.

I do strongly think no man in the house is preferable to a really sick man as an example.

honeypig

jarp, I have nothing to add to the thoughts you've already received except to say how very sorry I am that you have this to go thru. Have you heard the saying "Alcoholics don't have relationships; they take hostages"? So horribly true...

I wish you strength to get thru this and some peaceful moments in which to rest and remember all the people who care about you.

readerbaby71

I'm sorry, Jarp. Sending much love and hugs your way.

killerinstinct

He sounds like a nut case - sorry. I hope your not hurting too much xx

totallytrying

Sorry to read this Jarp. It's so terribly painful to hear something like that. As others have said though, while you support your son, do keep in mind not to follow your husband's orders for financial information. If he really wants to cut everyone out, let him take all the steps to do so himself. It's more likely he'll be quacking a different tune next week.

Tansy

He says he wants to be kown as a family friends because he can't fulfil the function of 'father'

I know this is hard for you and he's probably quacking but I wish my x had the foresight to see he cannot be a father to my kids. My x is so in denial he is taking one of my sons to live with him soon and the other at a later date. He not even working, hasn't for 20 years. Our son is too old to stop going so I almost wish x had your AH attitude, horrible as it sounds.

Butterfly

Harp I am so sorry for what he said and his reasons behind it. I'm not sure if he is trying to manipulate you into relaxing your boundaries or whether it is shame. My ah would say things like you are all better off without me you deserve to meet someone who will look after you and doesn't want to f##k everything up by drinking! I'm a crap father. I think all these type of comments come from shame and guilt and also maybe a little of, wanting us to say no your a great dad, we are not better off without you, no one could take your place and so on. I don't know I'm still trying to figure this all out.

I would not give him your financial records, I don't really see why he ends to have them, definitely speak to a lawyer before you hand over anything, forgive me if I'm wrong but your not going through a divorce? If not there is no need to him to have them.

I am sorry your son is going through this, children don't understand what is going on their wee world has been turned up side down and my heart breaks for your son. He is lucky he has such a good mum in you that you are there for him.

Look after yourself big hugs

ShootingStar1

Jarp, I am so sorry to hear of his latest round of quackery. I agree with those who said that they hear deep shame beneath his words about abandoning his son. Deep shame and the cockiness of self-proclaimed invincibility - - what strange bed fellows they make.

At this point, I don't think it matters so much what kind of father he thinks he wants to be or not be. What matters is what you, as the responsible parent, decide is best for your son.

For me, I tried to micromanage my children's relationship with their father after we divorced when they were young. He wasn't an alcoholic, but he only was present when he felt like it and when it was convenient for him. Once he picked my daughter up from college for the summer with all her stuff, but got tired of driving and only drove as far as his house, unpacked all her stuff on the driveway and went inside. My husband and I had to scramble to get vehicles and get to his house, repack everything in our cars, and take my daughter the rest of the way home.

When they were young - 5 and 9 - I tried to cover for him, and get them presents "from him" and make them believe he cared, and it just sent terribly mixed signals to them. They knew deep inside who he was even if they couldn't articulate it, and it would have been better if I had let the truth be the truth and helped them deal with it.

Anyway, I am so sorry about his idiocy and descent into alcoholism. You and your son have my hugs and support.

ShootingStar1