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Prospect of divorce settlement being heard in court - any experience?



Prospect of divorce settlement being heard in court - any experience?

Old 08-27-2014, 10:32 AM
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Prospect of divorce settlement being heard in court - any experience?

Kind folks - I'd appreciate some advice on what to expect here from the court process. I guess it is very different depending on where you live, and I'm not looking for procedural stuff, more about the experience you had, the stressful bits, how you managed to get through it, and that kind of thing. After 6 months and as many thousands in legal fees trying to come to an agreed settlement, I am no further on. The family home is sold - he went ahead without consultation on the price or anything, looked as if he was in a rush to get a sale as the market price was well below the value put on it by the surveyor. We have signed an agreement that says the proceeds can't be accessed till we have agreed the rest. And here's the rub ... he hasn't made a full disclosure of his assets, and denies there is any more. I know there is, but don't have any paperwork. And then it turns out last week that he has bought a new home for 1/4m dollars, and is living there. He has moved a lot of the furniture out of our house (I went up last week and am locked out but could peek through a few windows). He swears blind through lawyers letters that he still there! Now he won't sign an agreement on the contents (obviously, he's already taken a pile of stuff!), and has written through his lawyer making threats about how he'll defend himself if this goes to court by defaming me. I know that to get a fair settlement I'll have no choice but to down this route, and I'm ready for it. I just wonder what the personal impact will be, reliving all the drama, chaos, the accusations, listening to his lies, and so on. We have no kids in the mix, fortunately. I have two rock solid witnesses who have volunteered to provide evidence of his abusive behaviour. Anyone any experience of that 'face me down' moment across a courtroom? Any advice appreciated, thanks you gentle folks.
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Old 08-27-2014, 03:19 PM
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Hi Brindie,

I had one of those divorces. You are not going to have a "face me down" moment in court. I might have but that is only because I knew what was going to happen going into things. I knew he would be stubborn and evasive. I had prepared my divorce with the grounds of extreme mental cruelty leaving it opened to a possible "marital tort".

My ex refused to submit discovery. We went to meditation, he refused to participate even though he was there.

In my case, we were ordered to mediation. Nothing got settled, and he did not submit documents. Court was scheduled. He still did not submit "discovery". The judge ordered him to pay my attorney $1750 for the day.

Next court date, he still didn't submit "discovery" I just wanted the divorce. He came up with a generous offer of alimony. I took it, we were divorced that day.

The only reason I took it was because I knew he wasn't hiding assets. I accounted for every penny he had spent.

He was just being a stubborn ass.

There are ways to discovering hidden assets. He is supposed to submit prior tax returns, bank statement, credit card bills, proof of earnings, etc... You can review all of these and see if you see any money missing. Also if you think he has an account at a certain bank, or other financial institution, you can have those records subpoenaed.

I just don't understand, if the house was sold, how can he still be leaving there. Purchases of another home are all public records and are published in the newspaper.

Home furnishings, make a list of each piece of furniture that was in each room. Make him explain where it went.

Pls note: Judges do not take kindly to people who are trying to hide assets. You may make out really well in this.

((((((((((hugs))))))))))
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Old 08-27-2014, 04:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Brindie View Post

making threats about how he'll defend himself if this goes to court by defaming me.

I have two rock solid witnesses who have volunteered to provide evidence of his abusive behavior.
both of those do not carry the weight that they did in the old days

I would:
protect yourself the best that you can
(good lawyers) are hard to find -- but, I would make sure that I had one
attorneys all speak as though they are the best in the west
only in the end for one to find out
they seem to be just like the rest

get it over with and move on with your life
glad that I did not let my divorce of many years ago linger on
as her family came in and gave her (unfair) ideas
it was best for me to get out ASAP

MM
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Old 08-27-2014, 04:11 PM
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Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob View Post
both of those do not carry the weight that they did in the old days

I would:
protect yourself the best that you can
(good lawyers) are hard to find -- but, I would make sure that I had one
attorneys all speak as though they are the best in the west
only in the end for one to find out
they seem to be just like the rest

get it over with and move on with your life
glad that I did not let my divorce of many years ago linger on
as her family came in and gave her (unfair) ideas
it was best for me to get out ASAP

MM
Bob, is right. Judges care nothing about the abuse. They are there to finalize a divorce, divide assets and income, nothing else. Now contempt of court from him will make judge more favorable to you.

The only reason I mentioned "marital tort" was because that was a separate issue from the divorce, but had to be mentioned at the time of filing, and it was only to get leverage for him to cooperate. I never did go through with that. That would have had to be heard by a jury in my state, and I did have sufficient medical records, hospital records, DV records and police records to back it up.
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Old 08-28-2014, 09:41 AM
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Amy and MMB - thank you. I have good lawyer, at least a lawyer who has been worth her fee so far, and steers a steady, fixed course through the drama. I feel very confident in her. I hope it doesn't go to court, she tells me that most cases get settled out of court just before with an offer. But we need to go to court to get him to disclose. It is like a poker game. I am ok with that, I just don't know what that court bit would feel like. But as you say Amy, his continued non disclosure will not go down well with the judge, so maybe he'll come around. He is not living in the family home, he has moved, but still has his lawyer believe he's there. Also swears blind to her that he has no more assets. So, as we haven't exchanged yet on the house sale, where did all that cash come from? He is man who respects no rules, never has .......I think he may be in for a shock when he realises he hasn't scared me off. We'll see.
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Old 08-28-2014, 10:15 AM
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The court bit for me was you go into the courtroom, you are with your attorney, the attorney is representing you. You don't have to say anything at all. The lawyer does all the talking.

Mine was settled right before we went to the courtroom. The settlement agreement was given to the judge, since we had finally agreed, the divorce was granted.

If the agreement isn't reached by that point, the judge will decided the income and asset split.

Did he submit any documents at all yet? Tax statements, credit card bills, bank statements, etc... this is where you will find the hidden assets, and possible hidden income.

He can be held in contempt of court if he refuses, and records, documents can be subpoenaed.
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Old 08-28-2014, 11:10 AM
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Amy, thank you, but here is where the procedural differences come in I guess. I've been advised by my lawyer that there will be questioning and cross-examination by both party's lawyers. And that it is difficult to estimate how long this may take. She recently pursued a case - with no children involved - where evidence was taken over two days. This is the ordeal I'm preparing for! He did submit one document to date - in 4 months! It was a statement of an investment portfolio. I hold the account on another investment, so have that. Other than that, he has said he transferred 'his' boat and a vehicle to his daughter's name in March 2013 (8 months before I left, and he had no reason to believe a separation was imminent - this is a blatant attempt to leave this out of the equation). We also had a motor home which he 'disposed of' - not worth a dime but not the point, and it turns out he put his pension fund off limits 10 days after we married by a technicality. No bank statements yet, nothing. If I had time on my side, I'd kick him to the kerb, but I'm 60 next year and if I cave, I'll be working till who knows when ..... Plus I pretty much supported him for our first 5 years together when he was separated and maintaining his now ex-wife, 2 children and large family home. This so sucks .....
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