amy55

My oldest daughter (the one that filed a restraining order on me years ago, because she alleged that I called DYFS (CPS) to harass her because I asked for one birthday party with my grandson where my ex would not be there) well, she tells me she wants to divorce her H.

He is not an alcoholic, he is abusive, and a gambler, and if cheap had a person description in it, it would be him. So, recently I am "painted white" again. I am the only one that she says that she can trust speaking to. blah, blah, blah.

So I talk to her about the divorce, I tell her what she is entitled to, (I know, I have gone through this), then she asks me to help her with the retainer money for an attorney. Well, hell no. She already scammed me for over $1000. So she hits up my mom. My mom gives her the $2800 for the retainer.

I tell her what documents that she would need and to try to get them from the house or to photocopy them, but make sure she will not be caught doing this.

Next phone call from her. He came home while she had all the tax docs all over the floor and he asked her why, she told him because she is divorcing him.

She didn't listen to anything that I told her about self protection. He "hoovers" now. She wanted that numbers bed, he gets it for her, she has unpaid credit card bills for about $15,000. He agrees to pay that for her. He agrees to give her an extra $300 or more per month so she can shop. He says he agrees to go to a PCP for meds, and will go to therapy. All the quacking in the world. She agrees to put off filing for divorce for 30 days while he starts meds, so she can support him. Nothing at all about my mom being out $2800.

Can I say this? I call "MANIPULATION" on her part to get him to act the way she wants him to, by filing for divorce, and now my mom is out $2800.

So, I sit here and

My son calls me, if you are a regular here, you will remember him. (The one that uninvited me to his wedding, then re invited me). He called me to find out what is going on with his sister. I tell him to tell me what he knows and what he thinks and he feels. I'm too afraid at this point to say anything. Bad things happen then. So he then tells me everything that I just said above. Then he says that he feels strange talking to me about something. I ask what?

He tells me that he is afraid that his sister will stop talking to him, (paint him black). He tells me he now knows that she did this to me.

Then he asks me why I am so different now? That in the past few months he has felt so close to me and we have had really good conversations. I didn't know what to say. Wanted to say, perhaps you see more clearly now that I was being painted black by your sis and you aren't buying it anymore. I didn't, I still know when to hold my tongue. It keeps me in deep sh!t at times. I just told him I developed an attitude of "let go, let God".

So my son opened up a lot to me that night. Invited me to come visit for a weekend. Other stuff also, but don't want to get into that. Totally different subject.

So I am still talking to my oldest daughter, talking to my son, not good yet with youngest daughter. I think that will turn around shortly, since my sons eyes are now opened to what actually was going on.

So, I feel calm, but confused, not used to the calm. After all these years of feeling on edge about everything, I don't know what calm is. I guess I am happy about that, even though it is to the detriment of my daughter, but I feel bad about that also. People are turning on her now. I can't do anything about that, and I really don't feel like it anyway, but I feel bad.

I will shortly get back all my kids, but I do think that my 2 youngest will distance themselves from my oldest daughter.

Now, the "BATTLE OF THE EXES"

My ex is still insisting on dividing our pensions from the government by using my gross annuity and his net annuity.

He is also supposed to provide a certain amount of life insurance for me, in lieu of me signing off and waiving entitlement to survivors benefits. He is coming up short on that, he did apply for additional insurance, but it falls short of that.

I am representing myself right now. I do know what I am doing. I am sending emails which I am saving, trying to do this amicably, and reasonably, but giving him enough rope to hang himself with, if I need to go to Plan B.

Plan A - Get the things that my divorce decree states, with his cooperation (lol)

Plan B - Give him the chance to do things correctly, have all the documentation that I have tried, then after all the chances I gave, perhaps a month, take him to court on a motion for contempt of court. That's when I get my attorney involved again. That is also when he would be held liable to pay my attorney fees for his default on the divorce decree agreement.

Just want to thank everyone for being here for me, you are all the greatest.

It is getting late, so I am going to sleep.

Thanks again, and (((((((((hugs))))))))))) to everyone.

hopeful4

Great update! It sounds like although there is chaos around you, YOU ARE CALM!!! That is a wonderful thing. I think those in chaos are drawn to the calm, so that explains some too.

It's wonderful that you have given all of this time and patience to come to a conclusion. I send you huge hugs, your own recovery is shining bright!

Rosiepetal

Wow, stay strong, you are handling things nicely.

ResignedToWait

Wow, I think you put your sunglasses on while you wrote that post. So cool!

amy55

It's actually so nice to sit back and do nothing, (except for a weekly email to the ex, reminding him of the divorce decree obligations, and that he is not satisfying them), just giving him the rope. He can cooperate or we can go back to court and he will have to pay.

There are consequences and I realized that I tried to stop them. Now I just sit back and

The serenity that you feel when you take control back is priceless.

CodeJob

Amy, you sound 1001 times LESS Codie in this update! Kudos!

FeelingGreat

Amy you sound very together. Your eyes are open to your daughter's manipulation, and you're taking things slowly with your son.
I wouldn't count on being in the D's good books forever, with her volatility, but I hope this time it won't affect your relationships with your other family.

amy55

I already know or lets say I am prepared for my D to turn on me again, and that's ok. My son is already aware of this, and if she paints me black again, he won't buy it this time, since he already knows that she will also do this to him.

Same thing here with option A, or option B. my mom is pissed off at my daughter, my son is also. She tries to start smearing me again, that's her consequence.

I could never have gotten into this frame of mind without all of you lovely people here.

Thank you so much

Oh, P.s.---- My daughter is very very good at turning people against another, so I will anticipate this also, but the thing is, she has done it so often, I am use to it, and I no longer care what people think about me, the only thing that matters is what I think about me. I will keep my side of the street clean.