Update
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Update
So I left ABF last Monday.
Things are getting nasty. He is wanting split custody. I have made an appointment to file for custody (our county is so small you can't just walk in and do it.). Its not until 9/10 so its just the waiting game now, keeping her safe and only letting him see her with my supervision so he won't take her.
I had arranged a police escort to go to the house last night to get the rest of my things and hers. The police had to call him to let him know, and of course he told them he was working late (yeaaaaa), that I wasn't allowed on the premises and that he didn't have to legally give me any of DD's things so he isn't going to. (concerned parent of the year there).
In one aspect, I am thrilled to be away from him, to know and to finally realize, that I never have to go back there. It took me about a week to realize that he can't make me go back. I didn't realize how much of a mental hold he had on me. When he asked me if he could see her yesterday and I said no because we had plans, I had a panic attack at work. I didn't know what his reaction would be. How did I let my life become so controlled and uncontrolled at the same time?
I'm terrified for my daughter. He isn't stable. Even if he isn't drinking, he isn't sober. I can't get a protective order for her or for me from him because I have no proof of danger. The only thing I can do is to keep visits supervised and in public. I have also arranged to get her enrolled into preschool near my work because I am too scared to take her to the sitters (who he has been bagering nonstop to see if DD is there). I am not telling him what the day care arrangements are for her. I am going to let him continue to think my mom is keeping her.
He has more money than me, his parents are millionaires. My mom, who i am living with, is renting one of their rental houses from them. I borrowed money from them to buy my car and I've paid them back, but the title still has their name on it too. I have yet to find a lawyer i can afford, and I am just over the limit to get free legal aid.
This is literally the hardest time of my life. I am terrified. I have to constantly remind myself that as long as I keep my head up, do the right thing and protect her, God will protect us and guide is. I have to keep my faith in him, which at times is very difficult.
I've filed for TANF and SNAP which i probably won't qualify for either, even though I only made 25k last year. I hated even applying for it, but I'm struggling.
I just need prayers, support, some angels would be nice too. A few sprinkles of miracle dust would be great. you know.
Thank you for listening. I just had to put it out there.
Things are getting nasty. He is wanting split custody. I have made an appointment to file for custody (our county is so small you can't just walk in and do it.). Its not until 9/10 so its just the waiting game now, keeping her safe and only letting him see her with my supervision so he won't take her.
I had arranged a police escort to go to the house last night to get the rest of my things and hers. The police had to call him to let him know, and of course he told them he was working late (yeaaaaa), that I wasn't allowed on the premises and that he didn't have to legally give me any of DD's things so he isn't going to. (concerned parent of the year there).
In one aspect, I am thrilled to be away from him, to know and to finally realize, that I never have to go back there. It took me about a week to realize that he can't make me go back. I didn't realize how much of a mental hold he had on me. When he asked me if he could see her yesterday and I said no because we had plans, I had a panic attack at work. I didn't know what his reaction would be. How did I let my life become so controlled and uncontrolled at the same time?
I'm terrified for my daughter. He isn't stable. Even if he isn't drinking, he isn't sober. I can't get a protective order for her or for me from him because I have no proof of danger. The only thing I can do is to keep visits supervised and in public. I have also arranged to get her enrolled into preschool near my work because I am too scared to take her to the sitters (who he has been bagering nonstop to see if DD is there). I am not telling him what the day care arrangements are for her. I am going to let him continue to think my mom is keeping her.
He has more money than me, his parents are millionaires. My mom, who i am living with, is renting one of their rental houses from them. I borrowed money from them to buy my car and I've paid them back, but the title still has their name on it too. I have yet to find a lawyer i can afford, and I am just over the limit to get free legal aid.
This is literally the hardest time of my life. I am terrified. I have to constantly remind myself that as long as I keep my head up, do the right thing and protect her, God will protect us and guide is. I have to keep my faith in him, which at times is very difficult.
I've filed for TANF and SNAP which i probably won't qualify for either, even though I only made 25k last year. I hated even applying for it, but I'm struggling.
I just need prayers, support, some angels would be nice too. A few sprinkles of miracle dust would be great. you know.
Thank you for listening. I just had to put it out there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Hi Blossom,
So right now you are in a "waiting period of time, sort of like limbo". Have you gone to any attorneys to get a free consult?
At the custody hearing, child support should be discussed.
Him saying that you are not allowed on the premises? Really? Does he have a legal document stating that????? It's a bunch of quacking, and trying to control you.
Sept 10th is not that far away. Use that time to get your ducks in a row. Get the free consult to know what your rights are. Also see if that lawyer thinks you might be able to have him pay your attorney fees.
This period of time, and I know it's bad, but somehow look at it in a positive way. He is showing you his true colors. The real him. Watch him, Listen to him, see how he is trying to screw you over. Use all that information to your advantage. The advantage here is knowing that you can never return to that situation.
Keep going with trying to get that house. Is it possible your mother will move with you. Since your in-laws are the owners, they might make life miserable for your mom if she stays.
Sending many prayers and good wishes for you and your daughter.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))
So right now you are in a "waiting period of time, sort of like limbo". Have you gone to any attorneys to get a free consult?
At the custody hearing, child support should be discussed.
Him saying that you are not allowed on the premises? Really? Does he have a legal document stating that????? It's a bunch of quacking, and trying to control you.
Sept 10th is not that far away. Use that time to get your ducks in a row. Get the free consult to know what your rights are. Also see if that lawyer thinks you might be able to have him pay your attorney fees.
This period of time, and I know it's bad, but somehow look at it in a positive way. He is showing you his true colors. The real him. Watch him, Listen to him, see how he is trying to screw you over. Use all that information to your advantage. The advantage here is knowing that you can never return to that situation.
Keep going with trying to get that house. Is it possible your mother will move with you. Since your in-laws are the owners, they might make life miserable for your mom if she stays.
Sending many prayers and good wishes for you and your daughter.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 171
Do you have a contract for paying back the money for the car?
Do you have cancelled checks to prove it?
If not, I'd kiss the car goodbye.
I wouldn't be surprised if your in-laws say you stole the car from them.
Be careful. I'd think about another mode of transportation pretty quickly.
I know this. A family member sold me a car, by having me pay off the rest of it. This family member attempted to forge her ex-husband's signature on the title (in her x's name, I did not know this at the time that she sold the car to me). The van loan was in her name. I have all the cancelled checks to the auto finance to prove I paid the agreed amount of the remaining car loan, but I am fully prepared to leave the car behind, so she can't say I stole the car from her.
Sue
Do you have cancelled checks to prove it?
If not, I'd kiss the car goodbye.
I wouldn't be surprised if your in-laws say you stole the car from them.
Be careful. I'd think about another mode of transportation pretty quickly.
I know this. A family member sold me a car, by having me pay off the rest of it. This family member attempted to forge her ex-husband's signature on the title (in her x's name, I did not know this at the time that she sold the car to me). The van loan was in her name. I have all the cancelled checks to the auto finance to prove I paid the agreed amount of the remaining car loan, but I am fully prepared to leave the car behind, so she can't say I stole the car from her.
Sue
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Blossom, you've taken the steps you needed to take to get out of that situation. What a courageous act, and good for you!
Keep coming here for support. I see people are giving you practical info already, and I'm sure there will be even more.
Wishing you continued strength and a little peace here and there.
Keep coming here for support. I see people are giving you practical info already, and I'm sure there will be even more.
Wishing you continued strength and a little peace here and there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Thank you everyone!
I have the check stubs or whatever to prove I paid the amount in full for the car. Its registered in my name and the title is in both our names I guess....they had a "lien" on it until I paid it off.
I will contact that domestic violence place tomorrow, thank you dandylion.
The sitter told me tonight when I talked to her that xabf had told her yesterday that he said to the police escort that I couldn't come on the property bc he was scared id plant drugs on him. Please.
I couldn't even afford more than a happy meal for dd and I to share while we waited to meet him this evening. Then he brags about eating a rack of ribs last night.
Oh what really got to me was that after refusing to give me any of her things from the house, he had the nerve to ask if I had any pictures of he and dd I could send him.....yea, let me get right on that.
I have the check stubs or whatever to prove I paid the amount in full for the car. Its registered in my name and the title is in both our names I guess....they had a "lien" on it until I paid it off.
I will contact that domestic violence place tomorrow, thank you dandylion.
The sitter told me tonight when I talked to her that xabf had told her yesterday that he said to the police escort that I couldn't come on the property bc he was scared id plant drugs on him. Please.
I couldn't even afford more than a happy meal for dd and I to share while we waited to meet him this evening. Then he brags about eating a rack of ribs last night.
Oh what really got to me was that after refusing to give me any of her things from the house, he had the nerve to ask if I had any pictures of he and dd I could send him.....yea, let me get right on that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
If he is so afraid of you planting drugs (how ridiculous) have the police search you before you go in and let them watch everything you are doing.
This is a-hole to the max.
Even if your income is too high for pro-bono, still contact DV for someone that they would recommend and schedule appt for free consult before 9/10.
I do think you know what you are dealing with right now. He is just getting worse and worse and more unbelievable. His arrogance is just totally mind blowing.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))
and no, no pics for him.
This is a-hole to the max.
Even if your income is too high for pro-bono, still contact DV for someone that they would recommend and schedule appt for free consult before 9/10.
I do think you know what you are dealing with right now. He is just getting worse and worse and more unbelievable. His arrogance is just totally mind blowing.
(((((((((((hugs))))))))))
and no, no pics for him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
He's getting crazier by the day.
He called me twice this morning after I replied to his text of seeing her today. I told him no, he can see her tomorrow like we discussed yesterday. I didn't answer when he called. He texted me asking me to call him. Hell. No.
Whatever he wants to say he doesn't want it documented in a text.
He called the sitter twice this morning even though we both told him dd is not there.
Then he texted me again telling me he doesn't know how much longer his dad is going to make it and its his birthday and he'd really like to make arrangements for her to see him. I said I'd be glad to meet them in a public place. He hasn't texted me back. I'm sure he is pissed. He wants so badly to get her with out me. Even the sitter and her husband say he doesn't seem to really care about her well being, just about keeping up his appearance.
His father btw, is on oxygen. But he was able to come out to my moms with xabf to drop off some of my stuff last week. So, I'm sure he can meet somewhere in public.
He called me twice this morning after I replied to his text of seeing her today. I told him no, he can see her tomorrow like we discussed yesterday. I didn't answer when he called. He texted me asking me to call him. Hell. No.
Whatever he wants to say he doesn't want it documented in a text.
He called the sitter twice this morning even though we both told him dd is not there.
Then he texted me again telling me he doesn't know how much longer his dad is going to make it and its his birthday and he'd really like to make arrangements for her to see him. I said I'd be glad to meet them in a public place. He hasn't texted me back. I'm sure he is pissed. He wants so badly to get her with out me. Even the sitter and her husband say he doesn't seem to really care about her well being, just about keeping up his appearance.
His father btw, is on oxygen. But he was able to come out to my moms with xabf to drop off some of my stuff last week. So, I'm sure he can meet somewhere in public.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Regarding the car:
My ex-in-laws knew that my ex was nutso, and although they ultimately "chose" him they also knew I was reasonable enough to deal with. Can you call them directly and talk to them about getting the title transferred into your name? Even if they say no and reject you outright, at least then you'll know and you can cross that question mark off your list.
I assume, saying all this, that you're paying for the insurance and the car is paid off.
My ex-in-laws knew that my ex was nutso, and although they ultimately "chose" him they also knew I was reasonable enough to deal with. Can you call them directly and talk to them about getting the title transferred into your name? Even if they say no and reject you outright, at least then you'll know and you can cross that question mark off your list.
I assume, saying all this, that you're paying for the insurance and the car is paid off.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Regarding the phone calls and barrage of requests:
This might be enough to justify a restraining order.
And the money:
Money has been a real source of pain for me. I grew up in a wealthy family who withhold a lot of financial benefits from me that they offered my sisters. My ex's families are both VERY wealthy, and they swim in unearned benefits of growing up rich. The money ties that my parents maintained with me were used to control my movements in the world and manipulate me into doing what they wanted, WELL into my adulthood.
Becoming financially independent is, for me, one of the greatest freedoms I have. I live in a house owned by my parents, but I pay market rate rent every month (does your mom pay rent? have a lease?). Other wise I am 100% free of their financial influence. As long as those ties exist, you can't be free from their desires.
But you know what? It's just money. Their millions don't make them healthy or good or moral or powerful. It just gives them more resources. You, however, are making better decisions on behalf of their grandchild, and it behooves them to see that you're on your feet. Remind them of that, while their son shows his ass.
This might be enough to justify a restraining order.
And the money:
Money has been a real source of pain for me. I grew up in a wealthy family who withhold a lot of financial benefits from me that they offered my sisters. My ex's families are both VERY wealthy, and they swim in unearned benefits of growing up rich. The money ties that my parents maintained with me were used to control my movements in the world and manipulate me into doing what they wanted, WELL into my adulthood.
Becoming financially independent is, for me, one of the greatest freedoms I have. I live in a house owned by my parents, but I pay market rate rent every month (does your mom pay rent? have a lease?). Other wise I am 100% free of their financial influence. As long as those ties exist, you can't be free from their desires.
But you know what? It's just money. Their millions don't make them healthy or good or moral or powerful. It just gives them more resources. You, however, are making better decisions on behalf of their grandchild, and it behooves them to see that you're on your feet. Remind them of that, while their son shows his ass.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Nowhere, VA
Posts: 540
Florence - I will call them...sometime this week. I'm putting it off because I don't think they are much saner than he is.
She does pay rent (too much) and has a lease. I'm halfway expecting them to say that I'm not allowed on the property eventually. I would love to get a restraining order. But he hasn't threatened anyone yet that can be proved.
Thank you for your reply. The money thing is a sore spot for me too...I feel like it has way too much of an influence on things that don't have a thing to do with money. You can have all the money in the world but be a terrible parent vice versa. I just gotta keep my head on straight and remain calm.
She does pay rent (too much) and has a lease. I'm halfway expecting them to say that I'm not allowed on the property eventually. I would love to get a restraining order. But he hasn't threatened anyone yet that can be proved.
Thank you for your reply. The money thing is a sore spot for me too...I feel like it has way too much of an influence on things that don't have a thing to do with money. You can have all the money in the world but be a terrible parent vice versa. I just gotta keep my head on straight and remain calm.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
I'm halfway expecting them to say that I'm not allowed on the property eventually.
More quack than... duck. The duck metaphor fails here.
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