Needing advice on talking to therapist
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
Needing advice on talking to therapist
First thanks to anyone taking the time to read this,the people on this forum have been so kind and helpful and it means so much to me.
I have been seeing a therapist for about a year now once every 2 or three months. We have discusse my anxiety and episodes of depression that I have dealt with. I talk about my kids and working long hours and that feeling of being overwelmed, but not realy got into what causes these feelings. I have an appt. with her later today and I want to open up with her about my AH I think it would help me alot and it will proabably shed alot of light for her on much of my personality. I beleive things will make alot more since not that she doesnt understand my anxiety or the depression she is very kind and encouraging to me but I feel like to really help me she needs all the pieces to the puzzle.My question is how do you bring this up? she will ask me how I have been doing ? hows everything going at wk and at hm?I always say its good, I have good and not so good days but things are ok . I get so uncomfortable with the really personal painful stuff (AH,how it has effected the kids, how it effects me)It is very hard for me to trust anyone anymore so it take a long time for me to be able to talk about the hard stuff. I know I cant be the only person she see's who is very slow to completly open up. I also know this would help me alot and I know I need help and she is my therapist this is what she is there for to help me work thru this stuff. When I talk with her its like I can hear myself talking and my voice sounds shaky and my heart beats so fast I can hear it, my face gets red and feels hot there is this horrible feeling of impending doom. Its my anxiety I know that makes me feel this way but it makes talking to someone very difficult its so much easier to just say Im doing ok or everythings going fine. Can anyone give me any advice on how to start this conversation I just dont know what to say or how to say it and I know after I tell her this I will be able to really talk openly about all of my feelings because so much of my anxiety and depression has to do with the effects of his drinking and the effects it has had on our kids and our marriage. I just need some advice on how to say this , how to open up about it? Thank you
I have been seeing a therapist for about a year now once every 2 or three months. We have discusse my anxiety and episodes of depression that I have dealt with. I talk about my kids and working long hours and that feeling of being overwelmed, but not realy got into what causes these feelings. I have an appt. with her later today and I want to open up with her about my AH I think it would help me alot and it will proabably shed alot of light for her on much of my personality. I beleive things will make alot more since not that she doesnt understand my anxiety or the depression she is very kind and encouraging to me but I feel like to really help me she needs all the pieces to the puzzle.My question is how do you bring this up? she will ask me how I have been doing ? hows everything going at wk and at hm?I always say its good, I have good and not so good days but things are ok . I get so uncomfortable with the really personal painful stuff (AH,how it has effected the kids, how it effects me)It is very hard for me to trust anyone anymore so it take a long time for me to be able to talk about the hard stuff. I know I cant be the only person she see's who is very slow to completly open up. I also know this would help me alot and I know I need help and she is my therapist this is what she is there for to help me work thru this stuff. When I talk with her its like I can hear myself talking and my voice sounds shaky and my heart beats so fast I can hear it, my face gets red and feels hot there is this horrible feeling of impending doom. Its my anxiety I know that makes me feel this way but it makes talking to someone very difficult its so much easier to just say Im doing ok or everythings going fine. Can anyone give me any advice on how to start this conversation I just dont know what to say or how to say it and I know after I tell her this I will be able to really talk openly about all of my feelings because so much of my anxiety and depression has to do with the effects of his drinking and the effects it has had on our kids and our marriage. I just need some advice on how to say this , how to open up about it? Thank you
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Wilmington, NC
Posts: 215
I would just bring up your concerns and how they relate to you and affect you. It ties right into your anxiety and depression and I bet she/he has already sensed there is something more. If she/he is an experienced therapist they are used to hearing all types of stories from people and they will never judge you. I'm seeing a therapist and I just laid it all out 2nd visit- the fact that my brother died of an Oxy overdose, my ex husband being and alcoholic and basically leaving me in the hospital with a newborn premie, the fact that even after those experiences I still gravitated towards addicts and recovering addicts in those I chose to date, the most recent being a recovering heroin addict. Believe me- they have heard it all! Plus / I want to learn how to push through everything that had happened and become happier and more at peace so that I quit repeating these patterns and so I can be a better parent. That's what I'm paying her for- lol! Plus a good therapist will make you comfortable and help you get through talking about. You owe it to yourself. I believe anyone that loves an addict could benefit from therapy. There is nothing normal about the dynamics of addiction. I also have found a lot of comfort through the Nar-Anon and Al-Anon groups I attend. Everyone there is going through exactly what you are.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 256
Am I understanding correctly, she doesn't know your husband is an alcoholic?
Usually my therapist would ask if there was anything specific I wanted to discuss, but they knew that I was going b/c of co dependency issues, AH's rehab, etc.
If you can't say it out loud how about writing it down (ie My husband is an alcoholic) and giving it to her @ the beginning?
Usually my therapist would ask if there was anything specific I wanted to discuss, but they knew that I was going b/c of co dependency issues, AH's rehab, etc.
If you can't say it out loud how about writing it down (ie My husband is an alcoholic) and giving it to her @ the beginning?
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Make a list and read it out loud for the session.
As long as you're doing this:
you might as well stay home and save your money. To make therapy work, you have to do the hard work of NOT hewing to the unhealthy habits that brought you into therapy. You have to be ready to make some changes, some of which will be uncomfortable for awhile.
As long as you're doing this:
hows everything going at wk and at hm?I always say its good, I have good and not so good days but things are ok .
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
When I talk with her its like I can hear myself talking and my voice sounds shaky and my heart beats so fast I can hear it, my face gets red and feels hot there is this horrible feeling of impending doom. Its my anxiety I know that makes me feel this way but it makes talking to someone very difficult its so much easier to just say Im doing ok or everythings going fine. Can anyone give me any advice on how to start this conversation I just dont know what to say or how to say it and I know after I tell her this I will be able to really talk openly about all of my feelings because so much of my anxiety and depression has to do with the effects of his drinking and the effects it has had on our kids and our marriage. I just need some advice on how to say this , how to open up about it? Thank you
Therapy is a safe space for you to share your feelings and not feel bad or wrong or guilty about having them. There were sessions where I just sat in there and cried and cried and cried and ranted and cried. It's okay to do that. It's okay to feel what you feel. This is not your fault.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 453
My only suggestion is to just say it...my husband is an alcoholic...or I believe my husband is an alcoholic. Just get it out there. As others said, she may already suspect there is something else you are not telling her.
I want to also offer my support to you in this...you are not alone! I also have experienced anxiety and depression as a result of dealing with RAH's alcoholism. Please allow yourself to feel & express all your emotions with your therapist...that is what she is there for. There have been periods when I've walked in to my therapist's office and all she has to say is Hi and my tears start...she's told me that is because she is a safe person for me that validates my feelings. I hope the appointment goes well and you experience some relief, at the least, in sharing this with her.
I want to also offer my support to you in this...you are not alone! I also have experienced anxiety and depression as a result of dealing with RAH's alcoholism. Please allow yourself to feel & express all your emotions with your therapist...that is what she is there for. There have been periods when I've walked in to my therapist's office and all she has to say is Hi and my tears start...she's told me that is because she is a safe person for me that validates my feelings. I hope the appointment goes well and you experience some relief, at the least, in sharing this with her.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
Thank you all, as I read all your responces the tears started pouring down cause I know your wright I need to do this and usually nothing is ever as bad or difficult as I imagine it to be. So I know I know I can do it and it will be good. IF no one minds though I think Im gonna mentaly hold yalls hand while I do it ! Thanks
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: somewhere south
Posts: 254
"There's something I need to tell you..." Is a good start. This is usually when I start crying. Not out of sadness but from feeling overwhelmed and angry. Helpedme to remember they've dealt with these situations before 
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